After 5+ years, I ended it yesterday..

[woohooo]

Hi guys, I've been looking at this forum and decided to register since this seems like a great community.

 

I was with this girl since I was a senior and she was junior in high school. I'm 22 now and she will be too. She was definitely my first love, first kiss, first everything. She cheated on me around April this year. I should've never taken her back, but I did. The past summer was great between us, it felt like we were starting our relationship all over again and when that flame was rekindled it was great. But starting last week, I really felt as if for me to move on and grow as a person, I would really need to see what it'd be like not to be with her. Not necessarily to date other women, but I feel that I need to see what life is like without her. So I told her, she was crushed and shocked by it cause she felt that we were really doing well. But she told me she understands because she'd feel the same way If I cheated on her. This is day 1 and I'm taking it a little better than expected. I have a couple questions for you guys..

 

I've already bought her and her entire family Xmas presents, how should I go about dropping these off? I know a big part of the breaking up is to not see her immediately, but with Xmas here we both have stuff we want to give each other.

 

We had a NYE trip planned to Denver with my buddies and some of her friends. Now that this happened, I really think it'll be very awkward with us in the same place making the rest of our group uncomfortable. Should I cancel ths trip last minute?

 

I know shes doing her best not to call me and I am too. She has told me she's a lot more in love with me than ever before but I can't say the same for her right now. I know in the future, she is what I want because our personalities click so well, its why we lasted pretty long even though we were in college. How long should I wait until I can see her and even call her on occasion just strictly as a FRIEND thing? I'm always going to be concerned about her safety and well being, I just wanna see how she's doing.

 

Sorry for the long rant, but I'm really feeling just confused about everything.

[chai714]

I would drop them on her porch when you know she won't be there, or have your friend do it. Just put them on her porch, since shipping them might not get them there in time with the holidays and all.

 

As far as NYE trip - don't go if she's going. That won't help either of you move forward with your respective lives. Also, I don't think this breakup is temporary because people don't end things to "test what's out there" and go back to their relationship as if nothing happened. Maybe in movies, but not in real life. Just know that you have risked ever having her in your life again, but then again so did she when she made the decision to cheat on you.

[hosswhispra]

I know in the future, she is what I want because our personalities click so well, its why we lasted pretty long even though we were in college. How long should I wait until I can see her and even call her on occasion just strictly as a FRIEND thing?

 

 

 

The bolded part is what I am confused about.....

[woohooo]

BUMP. update

 

I admit it, we saw each other during NYE. In a very bad move by me, we got drunk and had sex. She told me she was trying to win me back. I know I'm stupid for doing it because I knew she would expect us to get back. Well, I still told her I didn't wanna be with her. She told me she could see that I was fallen out of love with her. I told her how we were young and find ourselves thing that I mentioned in my previous post. So she told me she accepted it.

 

In the worst move she could have done, she told me expect me to give you a surprise tomorrow. So I'm anticipating her delivering something. Then at 3:00 pm today, when I was ready to leave for work, I get a call she has fainted at her job. Her mom calls me and we both go over there together. We wait, her sisters and her friend are with us now. They've diagnosed she took 20 sleeping pills. She told the paramedics she wanted to hurt herself. While we wait, she calls her mom in first. Her mom is in the room with her for 10 minutes then I go in. She then doesn't talk to me and I'm just attending to her for whatever she needs. So as shes checking out, we all get ready to go home. Instead of driving home with her sister as I planned, she said she wants to drive home with me. I get her some food, then as I drop her off, she says "That was my surprise." I'm totally shocked by this and can't believe she would do this. She tried calling me earlier, but my battery died out. I don't want to call her, but I am concerned for her safety. Should I just call her mom instead? I am so scared for her safety that I'll do whatever I should do to help her.

 

I know I'm an idiot for spending NYE with her when we should've spent time away. I just really need some help not only for myself, but for her as well. Right now, my elder sister by 10 years told me she thinks its best if I dont give her any contact. I just want to talk to her mom the most to tell her to watch out for her. Please give back any input. I need it.

 

Thanks

[EddieRentz]

WooHoo

 

Suicide attempts and self destructive behavior like this are very abusive not only to her, but to you. This is the worst way in which an ex can try and manipulate you into doing things.

 

I think your sister has a very valid point there. I also think that if I were in your shoes, I would feel those same pangs of guilt. I know most people would tell you to just go total NC.

 

I personally like the idea of talking to her mother. You need to be clear with the mother though about your intentions. Your ex needs to go see a psychiatrist for a consult to begin with... but that is for her and her family to work on.

 

The truth is, if you are looking out for you, which is what we all need to do... you have to make the conversation with the mother your means of cutting ties again.

 

You can't just stay partially in the picture as a crutch for her. It is not fair to you and it will stunt her ability to go and deal with her problems.

 

It is not your fault - the problem is within her. THere are alot of us on this board who have been distraught due to breakups that have not attempted suicide -- remember this is a problem within her NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU DID.