Regretting NC for a moment

[coco_angel]

Well I guess I will start with the end....My ex got married on Saturday to the girl (and yes she is a girl) that he cheated on me with and throughout the entire 7 months that we have been broken up he has tried over and over to get a hold of me..I mean everything from emailing my best friend to texting me multiple times telling me how sorry he is and I never let up..I never responded..all he got was silence and maybe a hit on his myspace account.

 

I dont know why but the last text really rocked me. He said we really needed to talk and that he was soo sorry...(this is one week before his wedding!). I don't know where my head is. I am okay...not too much crying but at the same time I feel so lost. I have to basically erase 2 years of my life from my memory and it is so hard to do that.

 

Sometimes I just wish I would have let him know that I still loved him becuase I did and I still do. Thats what is making it so hard for me. I realize what he did to me and how much it hurt me and he knows that too. Its just the completely forgetting everything part that is so painful and I dont know why my mind wont just re-program itself and delete it all.

 

Any suggestion for how to heal?

 

I am seriously thinking about going to therapy..I am not suicidal or anything I just need help emotionally so that I can function at home alone in my thoughts as I do at work.

[annie24]

I think therapy is a good idea to help you move forward. I am sure they can help you. As for your ex, I think you dodged a bullet with him. You are far too pretty to be cheated on and then jerked around by a guy a week before his wedding. blah. forget that.

[maladjusted]

i think therapy is a great idea. after i got divorced i was in therapy for over a year. yeah i was that messed up. wait i think i still am...lol. just kidding but it did help me out tremendously to start focusing on me again. the key to therapy i guess like life is to make sure you get a therapist you feel comfortable with. if you don't like one that you initially pick there are a ton more out there. good luck and take care of yourself first and foremost.

[honeyspur]

Yes, I too think therapy is the answer.

You have a very tough situation here and though I believe you are mature and smart enough to get through it, there are some things out there you have probably not considered and that's what a therapist is for.

My condolences to you - sounds like you got shafted by this guy and his concience is catching up to him. Cheaters can be cured (I speak from experience) so as long as you don't try to jump back into contact with him, it might be possible you have influenced him in a good way despite how sour things went.

I think you should be proud of yourself for being a truly strong woman and looking for support.

[ebsmith1]

I think some therapy might be in line as the others have said. Also, look at it this way, if this man was calling you right up until his wedding to another woman, what would have happened if he'd still been with you and the two of you were getting married? My ex proposed to me and then broke up with me a month later. I found out that not long after the proposal he started trying to hook up with the girl he's living with now. It hurt and I wanted him back at first, but now I wonder what he would be doing if we were still together.

[L.J.]

Not entirely two years are wasted. Try not to think about the lost, but the gain ... growth. In healing, coming to term with what is, is the key (acceptance). What could you have done better or worst if he was already doing the worst one could possibly do by cheating? What can you do for better or worst to yourself now?

[Bunney]

You are far too pretty to be cheated on

 

So unattractive people deserve being cheated on?

[afonselaca]

So unattractive people deserve being cheated on?

 

OP is hurting and Annie gave her a nice direct compliment. Don't twist it around and make something not nice out of something that came out of good intentions.

[coco_angel]

annie24...thanks. I am seriously going to see a therapist personaly I think it is long overdue. I have had self-esteem issues and problems my relationships with some of my immediate family members and i think it would help.

 

I don't know if I should tell my parents that I am going to therapy. I do not want them to worry about me. I really do not know what to do about that because at the sametime I don't want to lie about where I am going.

 

And yes I do think that I dogged a bullet its the remembering part that is bugging me.

 

honneyspur.. thank you as well. I used to think I was very strong but sometimes I don't know this has been quite a year for me.

 

L.J. accepting all this is the nastiest pill that I have ever had to swallow. I mean I don't have a choice. Is that step one lol.

 

Has anyone ever been to therapy for the purpose of healing? What should I expect? I really have only been once with my family for my younger brother a very very very long time ago and I vaguely remember it.

[annie24]

oh, I have been to therapy. it definitely helps.

 

think of it this way - you go to the dentist to check up on your teeth, and you go to your gyno to get your stuff checked out, so why not go and get your head checked out too?

 

You don't have to tell anyone in your family anything if you are not comfortable. Just do whatever feels right for you. if you feel better going to a few therapy sessions without anyone knowing, it's all right.

 

don't feel bad, nearly everyone goes through tough times in their life and it is ok to ask for help, you do not have to go through it alone.

 

(((HUGS)))

[L.J.]

L.J. accepting all this is the nastiest pill that I have ever had to swallow. I mean I don't have a choice. Is that step one lol.

 

In actuality, it is the second nastiest pill. Being cheated is the nastiest. You've already swallowed the first. We always have a choices. You are on step two and making good choices for step three for your well-being.

[Lady Bugg]

Hi Coco..I think you're on the right track.....and I agree you defintely dodged a bullet.

 

I see NOTHING wrong with therapy.....and I can CERTAINLY see how it must

be eating away at you...but you know I really really give you credit on how

handled his attempts at contact with you. I know it was probably hard to

not reply........and many would have..even if to just tell him off....but he

truly didn't even deserve THAT much energy. So....at least feel good about

how you handled yourself in the end.

 

I look at therapy as a way to "air my head out"...and talking to someone

objective is truly a step in the right direction.

 

You'll get through this.....stay strong girl!!!