Ex text me just now for b'day... should I respond?

[poetsheart]

Hi again to all my wonderful friends,

 

I just received a birthday text from my ex... it was happy birthday, it's important I never stop caring.. take care his initial... I don't quite fully understand what that meant... That was it!!! I have been doing no contact for over 7 months now, nearly broke it not long ago... should I respond? I don't know how I feel... after seeing him on that internet dating site... I just don't know if I should respond or what?

 

Should I just let it go, keep the nc? Have you been in this situtation? I would really appeciate some advice.

 

Always

 

P.H.

[Ellie2006]

Hi Poet,

(belated) B-day!

 

On the one hand, he may have been taking an easygoing approach since it has been seven months since you guys last spoke.

 

Still, it's *too* casual, IMO, to take very seriously.

 

What do you think, Poet?

[poetsheart]

Hi Ellie honey

 

I'm kind of confused... I want to txt something saying if you cared then why treat me so badly... but the text was in no way romantic, he didn't even say his full name just first initial with a x. It is important that I never stop caring? To whom is it important? I don't quite fully get what he's saying.. I'm just all confused now.

 

Should I reply thanks? But I don't want him to think his treatment of me was ok.. because it wasn't.

[Ellie2006]

Hey Poet,

 

Isn't this kind of like what he did for your "anniversary"? Just simply send a text message and then nothing! He seems to keep doing this: send out a cursory contact via text message and then does not follow it up!

 

If SuperDave was here, he'd say we shouldn't settle for the "crumbs" our exes give us!

 

This is *my* opinion and others may disagree, but don't you think he would have made more of a sincere gesture if he was serious about making amends for his shortcomings during the relationship?

 

Yeah, I understand the need to get to the bottom of a confusing messsage that our exes send us but sometimes it's best to leave things alone and move along with our lives ...

 

Re: texting him back "thanks" -- ONLY do so if you think you'll be okay w/ however he may respond and that his response will NOT set you back in any way.

 

Hugs to you Poet!

[poetsheart]

Ellie,

 

SuperDave would say DON'T TEXT... I can hear him now....

 

Why does he do this? He knows it's going to bother me that's why, and I can't afford another set back...

 

You're right once again, if I text just thanks, it will set me back... because his treatment of me was not ok..

 

I can't believe that I want to respond to him... but I know if I do, it will only lead to some heartache all over and I have come too far now to fall down again..

 

He should be busy with his internet girls anyway... oh what a joke!!

 

I just need to get through my birthday and it should be all ok.

[need2bme]

Happy Birthday Sweetie...

 

Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of man...?

 

All I know is that my ex GF, totally dissed last Christmas. Nothing. So, this year, when we are exes, I get a nice gift from her and a Happy Birthday, on my birthday. I am also, quite sure she will send something for Christmas.

 

Why do that? Why now?

 

Don't reply unless he sends something worth replying to. Also, please don't reply at all, if it is going to set you back.

[poetsheart]

need2beme,

 

Thanks to you and Ellie for my birthday wishes... another year gone so fast

 

You're right, what's to reply to? I just don't understand i'm so used to replying when someone wishes me a happy birthday.. but I've got to remember how he treated me... It probably would set me back.

[selfi]

Hey... Remember the advice you Pm'ed me P.H!

[cherries]

if you text back, keep it cheery and polite. do NOT send "if you cared then why treat me so badly". it won't help either of you.

[thlst3]

Hi Poetsheart,

 

I've been following some of your posts. IMO, I think you should just ignore it. If.. big if... you're prepared to handle a 'can of worms' then go ahead. I suggest a "thank you." is suffice. It may open old wounds and communication opportunity. Are you ready for that?

 

My ex did txt the same thing to me on my birthday in October. I just waited a few hours before replying with a 'Thanks.'

 

GL!

[poetsheart]

Hi all, I didn't end up responding to him... I thought what for? He wasn't nice for all that time we were together... one measly text... a text doesn't mean anything, it's the actions that speak louder.

 

Selfi honey.... staying true to nc.

[Lysander29]

I had the exact same thing on my bday the other week and I did not respond. It's just not worth it.

 

Like Blender told me, what if I did respond with a "Thank you" or something similar? I would probably be wondering if I would get a reply and it could turn into an endless cycle.

 

Blender mentioned something very good- ex's tend to do this so they can feel better about themselves, and it doesn't merit any response since it was what can be deemed as "obligatory". Unless intentions are anything else, no reason to reply, - 8 weeks here of strict NC.

[poetsheart]

Hi Lysander... yep, I've made up my mind I'm not going to respond... not worth breaking over 7 months of nc for a message that was more about him than me... when I re-read it it said It's important that I never stop caring... what is that? It's all about him once again as per usual. There was no other intention in the text so thereforeeee, it's all clear, no response from me... It was always about him, always will be... Grrrr... he's a jerk.

[blender]

Dear Poetsheart, good for you, you had the self respect not to respond, to his text, that was the VERY RIGHT, MATURE, WISE, SELF RESPECTING choice... this will lead to your sense of self empowerment... believe me as the days go by you will be so PROUD AND EMPOWERED, by making the choice to NOT respond.. because he actually wrote, "it's important for "ME" to not stop caring"...UGH....

 

congratulations on gaining the proper perspective that the FACT is, that line is SO ABOUT HIM.... and if you would have resonded even with a simple "thank you" he would then sigh be big sigh of relief and think, "good, I'm the "good" guy, and I can feel better about myself and yet have no emotional responsibilty to her."...

 

BUT NOPE, he's got to sit with the text he sents now, it went over like a lead ballon into your world..and landed with a thud... and Now, in time he will "wonder"... and he will soon "separate" you from any or all other girls, in the fact that you are not "desperate" and are not willing to respond to "crumbs" in a text... and that instead of crumbs a girl like you requires the responsible, loving, intentional effort of a whole CAKE.... and unless he wants to rise to the occasion and have the courage, maturity, emotional intention of "becoming the whole cake" then he better not waste your time with any more "I'm just being a nice/caring guy" moves with you...

 

Feel good, you are gaining perspective, and the gift of clarity... his choice of words in that text are a clear red flag, that it will always be about HIM, no matter who he may date..... he will keep running into HIMSELF....

 

Be grateful that you are "free" of him.. you are doing wonderfully, and trust me, it won't be the last time he contacts you, in a week or so, he will text you again.. and may even add a question this time..

 

and by then you will have gained even more clarity and will be able to read it "cleary" and make a wise choice as to what you want to do... good for you.. keep up the self respecting attitude, it will bring you many of life rewards and fulfillment....and this attitude will attract great guys into your life..

 

Little does he know what a favor he did for you by "revealing" more of himself by choosing to say, "it's important for ME to not stop caring".. wow, you read that one clearly.. it's about HIM..ugh..

 

I dated someone so like him.. and there were times when my heart was so "broken and ignorantly hopeful" that I would have read too much of the WRONG things into that line..like "oh he still cares, perhaps I should contact him, he still probably loves me, misses me..."... UGH.. THAT IS NOT WHAT IT MEANS AT ALL... and I've made the mistake of responding to "crumbs" like that before, only to be clearly told,.."um.. I just want us to be "friendly" towards each other, you mean a lot to me, gotta go, talk to you again sometime soon..." and then I'd have to start "no contact" and MY healing all over again... that is why it is so important to stick with "no contact" UNLESS THEY MAKE A CLEAR INTENTIONAL EFFORT TO STATE THAT THEY MADE A MISTAKE AND WANT TO TRY AGAIN AS A COUPLE.. not send a lame, "it's important for me to not stop caring" birthday message..

 

A man who is intentionally wanting to 'try again" sends flowers, calls you, says he "misses you and wants to try again"... they don't send lame text messages about what is "important to them"...UGH...

 

So good for you for having the wisdom and self respect to know the difference between lame words versus choices and actions/behaviors. Wow, you're choice is inspiring, and when I had that same clarity and made a choice to not respond to any texts or emails.. I started to feel so good about myself.. so much better, so free, so wise, so empowered... ahhhh... it's the best feeling, and it takes the difficult step of maintaining NO CONTACT.. to feel this good...

[poetsheart]

Dearest Blender

 

The time you took to reply to me means alot... thankyou.

 

I also thankyou for your praise of me....

 

His text message was so about him... who says "It's important I don't stop caring", what is that? It was all about him and always has been, and then he signs it off with his initial... he probably only sent the text just to show that he was such a great guy... but I know the truth, infact so does he... It was cold and unemotional just like him. once again, all about him!!!!

 

I don't think he'll contact me again though... I haven't responded to any text, even the one he "mistakenly" sent to my phone but for another woman with a similar name to mine.. at first I was going to as I thought it was the proper thing to do... but it only showed me that he's out there on the net, dating and doing whatever with girls, going out... it upset me so much but then I got over it.

 

I came here for support, and I have learnt so much, when I found out he was on that internet dating site, I was so overwhelmed, I didn't know what to do and the wonderful loving people here like yourself supported me and helped me get through.

 

Thankyou for saying my choice is inspiring, I only hope that it can be.. it's so hard... I have my moments, but all in all, I know any man who loved me would never have disrespected me so much.

 

I know how you feel when you get that text thinking, maybe he does care, maybe he has feelings... but no, it was CLEARLY about him. Ugh... you are so right, and you get it!!!!

[poetsheart]

Oh and Blender.. you are so right, anyone who wanted me back or anyone would make their intentions clear...

 

It was so about him.... UGH!! Even on my birthday...

 

Thankyou again... your post truly helped me..