gf's commitment issues

[AloneinTexas]

Try to make this short...

 

dated a girl for 6 months, we broke up due to problems with me not showing love and herself being very nagging. 3 months of NC passed. we hung out for another month after hooking up one night. We worked thru our problems. After 3 or 4 weeks i wanted a definitive answer if she wanted to be in a relaionship with me or not. she hates ultimatums. but she somehow got me to give her more time, in that she thought she would eventually "come around." another 2 weeks pass. i say i had enough, i feel strung along. at that point she wants me because i let go, and she cant grasp the concept of my all or nothing. she thinks i should give her all the time in the world. she says she wants me and we talk another week. I feel lead on again because of her I love you's and other things she says. I say I have had enough (3rd time now.) she replies "i guess this means goodbye." i am upset.

 

she had a rough upbringing and was abused and i do not know if that is a cause for her commitment phobia. she talks about how she cant picture a future without me, she talks about wanting to live with me one day, talks about marriage one day, tells me she loves me and misses me, and even says she WANTS to be in a relationship with me right now, but she can not figure out whats holding her back. is she in denial --meaning she thinks shes in love with me but really isnt?

 

im going to talk with her in a couple days about her self image issues she has and how they scare me. i think she needs some counseling on some certain things, she has no balance in her life, a bit OCD. i know i can not let her keep telling me what i want to hear, i told her to stop with the i love you's until/if she wants a commited relationship with me. and there are no other people she is interested in, thats the thing. maybe she's too focused on herself, to want someone in her life. she's scared to death of me being out of her life, so i feel like even if one day she wants to commit, it will only be out of fear of losing me.

 

help anyone?

[dnozzle]

I have only recently been broken up with after a short period of NC, and have had a lot of time to think about things, especially under what conditions I would ever consider reconciling with her.

 

At first I had a whole 3 page list of things I would have to have from her in order to invest in a relationship with her again. But as a read the list, it all sounded like the same thing. So I condensed it down to two sentences which might be useful in your situation too:

 

The first time around I handed you my heart freely. This time you will have to earn it.

 

Good luck.

[Momene]

Whatever she says, I think you shouldn't get back with her.

[AloneinTexas]

anyone else?

[AloneinTexas]

Anyone, can anyone else shed light on this. Need more info?

[mikeca]

Your doing all the work, and hate to say it, but your devaluing yourself everytime you let her "have more time" you need to say whats on your mind.

 

"listen I want a relationship, I care/love you, I need this from you, if you cant then *list reasons* and walk away"