AloneinTexas

does having sex on one's period greater increase the chances of a UTI?

Thanks for being for me here guys, I know you are looking out for me, with constructive critisicms and all. I will try to keep eye on how she talks and body language, etc. I will keep you all posted. Thank you

Friscodj and Heloloadies, I dont know how this happened. I got off work last night, I was about to go run, and she calls. She was suposed to take a week or 2 or more to figure things out. A total of 4 1/2 days of NC went and she called. She was mumbling something and then I said "spit it out." Her first words were "I want to be with you." She expected me to have a happy voice or a feeling of elation, but I was struck. Everything I expected was wrong. She said she prayed about things a lot, and she is a peace with herself. I told her about how I tryed to figure her out and my conclusion was that she fell out of love with me but hasn't realized it yet. I mentioned that she dumped me but hadn't realized it yet. She was a bit frustrated and upset at my reaction, she thought I would say "GGGGGREAT, LETS DO THIS!" or something to that effect, you understand. But I was more on guard, and have every reason right to be. One of the last things she said to me was "Dont sound so happy." I can't believe this, I blocked her on facebook yesterday before reading if I should or not, I wanted her "out of sight, out of mind." It helped. We are supposed to meet up tongiht to talk, and her best friend is in town too, and I am 100% sure her best friend got to the bottom of her issues and made her realize some things. But it still irks me that she couldn't do it on her own; its that someone had to tell her what to do if you love someone. She isn't stupid, she knows, but again, this is all speculation. I am going to question her some more tonight with her friend there, and I know she is going to try to not see things how I see them and will assume, by me questioning her motives, that I don't love her. Certainly not the case, I love her with all my heart. But still, questioning gets to the bottom of these issues, because I have no intentions of trying again with this woman if it simply came down to her best friend "convincing" her to go out with me. I also want to make sure she isn't acting on her "missing you" emotions, because she DOES miss me, but I want to be sure she's not acting on them out of fear. Shoot me now?

I understand everything you are saying. About her reservations, I think I aught to cut her a bit of slack, because before , the first time around, she handed me her heart on a platter and I didn't quite bite. Now roles were reversed. I can see how she may be not-so-quick to give it up. I have a couple important, yet no so important questions. We are both on facebook, last night I blocked her on it, meaning we are no longer friends and I am "invisible" to her. Thing though, is that she has 2 roomates I am friends with, I should block them too? Because while we were broken up the first time, she would look at my profile under their name. I can set a "limited" profile for them I guess. And another question....She thinks I am basically sitting by my phone and waiting and expecting her to call and tell me she's ready. But you and friscodj are the only ones telling me otherise, but I trust your judgement. You were right before, when I posted under a different name on enotalone. But should I call her and say "hey (her name), I am hurting right now because I can't take this pain of waiting for you to call me while I am in limbo. thereforeeee I can only treat this as a breakup." Or should I not let her know I am hurting and just treat this as a breakup (because it essentially is) and then I am prepared for her to call and say its over, and I can say "Yea I knew you would say that, because you know you dumped me all along." Act aloof about it? Thing is is this....If i DO call her and say "hey i am hurting I am treating this as a breakup because it is what you did", she will try to use guilt on me and say "well I guess we are broken up then huh" or "ok i guess if this is the way it has to be" then I will look like the bad guy because it makes it look like I gave her an ultimatum and now I "dumped" her. KNOW what I am saying, I know this is all petty b ull * * * * but its still a bit important. The good that comes from telling her I am done waiting is that it shows I am not wiling to put up with this crap and my self respect returns. Or i keep her in the dark, and she thinks I am waiting around and then when she calls I will know what she is going to say. Sorry if this is confusing.... I still do not get why she says she wants to live with me one day, cant picture a future without me in it, has talked about marrying me, but can't make it happen right now. Theres still a part of me that doesnt want to take it personally, but you guys have opened up my eyes some, because I am thinking with emotions, you are thinking with logic and rationale. Cut me a bit of slack hehe Maybe she feels horrible for just walking away completely because she knows I am closer to her than anyone else, I have gone further sexually with her than anyone else, and she doesn't want to throw it all away just because she thinks in the back of her mind "i am not the one." But then Ive heard her say "it would be easier to walk away and chalk it up." So she cares about me in some regard. I predict she will call on New years eve, drunk, and say something....

Can you or heloladies give me insight into the hypocrysies of our IM conversation, since you said there was too much to write. I am guessing I will be moved on and then she will want back in, and I will be weak. I feel that girls have a radar as to knowing or sensing when a guy is over them.

She is supposed to get back to me, I estimate in the upcoming few weeks here, with her final answer. The thing is this, she tells me she loves me, her feelings haven't changed, its just that her heart is telling her one thing and her brain is telling her another. She doesn't know why. Her friends do not like me either because they all found out, when she found out about some things I had written on here which went into too much detail, in which I apologized for. Maybe she was too violated by some of the things she saw. Horrible luck on my part, but I know to not make the same mistake. This was over 3 weeks ago. So heloladies and friscodj, you both believe she has moved on. Man that is the pits. I mean I didn't want to take her actions personally because I thought this had to do with her daddy issues, or commitment phobia, I don't know. She has told me she wants to live with me one day and can't picture a future without me, so is she just saying this so I am her back burner guy? She is one girl that I do not see playing games like that, she is very honest. But who can you trust anymore, yanno? Maybe she was too hurt the first time by me being very un-emotional and now I am the man she wanted all along but the problem is that her feelings could have waned, or she got freaked out because no one has ever gotten as close to her as I. She said her feelings hadn't waned though, ahhhhhh what do I do???? I am prepared for her to tell me that she is done with me, I am not afraid, I don't feel the need to get more off my chest unless my emotions take over and her hypocrises take over me and I call them out. Boy, being me suck real bad right now.

I mentioned to her how she was starting to lead a 100% controlled life, and she likes every aspect of it right now, except realizing it was pushing me away. The one she loves. Her father was very controlling, and that may be where some of the daddy issues are coming out. She wanted me to tell her (if we were together) if I thought she was out of line. Meaning this....She is a hardcore track athlete and is very focused on herself, and she wants me to tell her that an hour of sleep she lost by being with me is not a big deal. Its like I have to convince her things she once WANTED to do she shouldn't be in a tizzy about, and now they feel --to me, as chores to her. Her friends had told her "hey if you really love him like you say you do, you should try this." This is where I feel her love really isn't there, it may be a lost love she is trying to rekindle, or she is in denial about. She no longer WANTS to do things, or try, and ultimately it may be because I hurt her too bad from the 1st time we went out. At least I can walk away knowing I have no regrets, I was the man she wanted me to be and she didn't take him, on our 2nd trial. Now I am a man who is willing to love, show that love, and make someone feel special, and I am hoping I get that in return. Just not going to happen today. I feel I am going to be alone for a while....

Okay, simply put, for anyone who thinks it is important, I think she has some daddy issues. Abused and neglected as a child, the whole nine yards. How much that affects her now, I don't know. She appears to be over a lot of things, and does not talk to her father anymore, but it may have shaped her. Maybe she got scared because I was able to get so close to her the 2nd time around, and she ran away. Promiscuiosness I imagine could happen during our space apart.

I will be brief Dated a girl for 6 months. She fell in love right away. I was feeling pressure to be in love the same, and her nagging pushed me away. She eventually dumped me after being hurt for too long with my inability to process emotions to her. We went 3 months of NC. She dated a guy. We hooked up 6 weeks ago, and agreed to take things slowly. I told her I was a changed man, and I proved to her by by actions and words I was the man she always wanted. This time around, I was in her shoes, and she was the one being reserved. A couple times she would say "I am content where I am at in life right now, I like having control over my life." I would get set back. After 4 weeks I said I had enough, she bought more time from me saying that she needed it. I spun my wheels longer, I know she was now feeling pressure from me because I was hurting over it. I try to walk away again to elicit a yes or no response instead of the middle ground we were on, this time she says goodbye. I am furious, I felt so lead on. Thing is, is that she talks about being afraid of letting go of me, she can't picture a future without me in it, and wants to marry me one day. So she isn't a commitment phobe. She did just graduate college 2 weeks ago, so maybe she is searching for herself and is in a crisis right now. Maybe I am in denial? I want to believe she was more reserved this time around with her feelings because before, she put her neck out, and had her heart on a platter, and I didn't take it. This time around, I showed her all my love and I didn't feel the same reciprocation back, but it may be because she's afraid of the "old" me. Right now, I am giving her space. I knew she wanted space for a while now, but she was too afraid out of fear, that I would lose my feelings for her, or find someone else. Now it seems she isn't so afriad, I feel she feels she has me in her retainer at all times and I will come back to her. Not the case. The ball is in her court. Of course I want her to figure out why she isn't wanting to commit right now, and maybe this space she will figure some things out. Her friends and my friends do not like us together, and I tryed to tell her that things like that should not matter. I don't think it wil lsway her, but it does make things tougher. The last convo we had which was today: her: hey you me: hello her: ok so ill tell you what i have been thinking me: ok shoot her: well, i know that i have feelings for you, i know that i still love you, i know that i hvent been showing it, and i know that you feel crapy about it her: i too feel crapy about it her: cause i know what you feel like me: gotcha her: i want things to change me: thats a good sign her: im not mad that you talked to your pops that was prob a good idea her: i want to figure out the reason i feel the way i do, and fix or address it whatever needs to happen her: i do think that it may take some time me: ok her: i dont want to hurt you ne more in the process her: i am afraid of losing yo u me: ok her: but i think that i need to take the time, and pray that the love we do have for each other is strong enough to keep us together me: ok her: i mean i have to trust it, and pray that God is stronger than my * * * *ty self her: what do you think about that her: you there? me: yes.... her: im killing you arent i? me: nah me: im prepared for any response me: im fine with anything me: so what does this all mean? her: honey im sorry, i just think that if we want this to work...and i think we both do...then we have to have a healthy relationship, and that means i have to be 100%willing to do this, not because i have a need for you in my life like filling a void, but because being together is the best thing for both of us her: i know that we can make each other happy her: i want to be there for you and i want this realationship to be healthy, because i dont want to just get rid of it me: ok me: dont be sorry tho her: i am but im not me: hmm. ok her: i am because i know how you feel, and i dont want to hurt you but im not because i want what is best for us in the long run me: gotcha her: and i feel like if i "force" this then it will end bad...again her: how much do you hate me right now her: ? her: do you feel like i honestly care or do you feel like im just being mean? me: my 110% will make up for your 90% her: no her: shut it hehe her: alright me: ok her: so do we cut all things off, or talk or no\ her: i dont know what you can handle, and what is too much like friends me: yo utell me her: i know that i want to be able to talk to you but i dont know if you feel like that will cause you more hurt me: well ultimately are you looking to just be friends with me her: i am? me: im asking her: no no her: i want to get these feelings figured out so that we can be together me: dont pawn this on me, i can handle anything her: im not, meaning too her: ok her: im sorry me: do u not have faith in me u think her: i do have faith in yuo her: a lot her: ok her: well the i think ill take some time, if things cross your mind, i want you to feel free to talk to me me: what does this mean then her: i need time, and im going to have faith that things will workout just the way they are suppose to me: so you think that by having an unhealthy relationship now it will cause a healthy relationship down the road me: ? her: no her: i think that we should take some time her: because i want to have a healthy relationship, and i think that having a unhealthy one now will ruin that for the future me: so what does this mean me: you cant be rationale with love her: haha, maybe that is why i have no freakin answer....lol, me: tryign to be rationale , like iwas, giving conditions, makes it seems like its a matrix, but love isnt part of the matrix her: oh boy her: haha me: so what do i do or you do to keep from having an unhealthy one her: ok, well i think we should take a week, pray, and then take the time to understand what is going on in my freakin head her: and then talk her: what do you think? me: i say a few days or a week to you sometimes, and you say that things dont change in a weeks time her: i know her: well how long do you think? her: or do you not think time is the answer? me: you mean, u think i think time isnt an issue, its either your in denial about your feelings or something? her: no, i think time is what i need me: well because i love you i will give u al lthe time in the world me: up until age 38 (we are both 23) her: haha her: that is yet another reason i love you her: even in the midst of pain you can still crack a joke her: good man her: haha me: ha me: true her: alright, lets take a week, and then well talk her: give me time to try to understand things inmyself me: week? or have u thought about a good amount of time her: i mean, i dont really know so i went with a weeek her: if i dont know ne thing after a week ill talk to you and tell you i need more time her: how is that her: (my name) im so sorry me: what about my birthday (its in february) her: whoa me: or is that too long her: ummm her: that is a long time her: but if that is what you think me: im throwing it out there me: i have no idea her: that makes 2 of us her: haha her: ok well how bout ill talk to you after the 1st and at least touch base me: im thinking a week isnt long enough her: probably true me: well then why didnt you tell me her: naw im just trying to think her: not being ajerk sorry her: lets go 2 weeks her: that is good her: for now her: and then ill talk to you me: is 2 weeks enough time for you her: i dont know her: well see her: were gonna have to play this by ear me: why dont you call me when you figure it out me: or is that a bad idea her: ok her: that is fine her: well be praying me: do u like it or no her: and know that dispite all this crap i do love you her: that is fine her: know you too can call me: i am asking if this is fine, i just threw it out there her: it is her: dispite all this have a Merry Christmas her: ok me: despite* her: thank you me: so 1 week, 2 weeks, my birthday, wait until u figure it out her: i should go back to school to spell me: whats it gonna be her: until it is figured out, or i feel something eneeds to be run by you her: ok me: i think this should be your time, i dont want to toy with you her: ok her: talk to you as soon as i can her: okey me: ok so the consensus is what so i know her: ill talk to you when things have been figured out me: ok, are you fine with that, because at first you said a week me: is this the better answer 4 u her: haha her: yes her: i want you to have something concrete that is why i wanted some difinative time me: concrete meaning you in my life or not her: at least for a quick fill in of where things re her: concrete in that you know when i am going to be calling me: oh her: and yes i think you need a concrete answer from me as well her: so i will be working on tht me: i dont think i should be involved in steps you are taking to you getting to a certain point, like i dont wanna know you are drifting away from me or are drifting towards me, i want to know when u find out 100% u feel a certain way me: or is that bad her: ok her: if that is what you want her: i can do that me: well in a week, u are feeling slightly different, another week u go back, another week u feel different me: i want to know the end result her: ok her: that is what ill do then her: ill call when im ready me: or not ready her: ok me: that is another choice her: gocha her: okey dokey yimmy me: u cant say for certain you will want me eventually, right her: i hope that i do her: i guess that is all i can say to that me: so u are saying you dont, but "hope" you do me: are you letting me down easy or am i missing something her: no im not saying that at all i her: am sayin that i hope i call you and i am ready her: that is what i want to happen and i am sure you do to her: im not tryin to be nice here her: just honest her: it would be easier to just be mean to you, and get it over with, that is just not what i want to do, i just want this to all work out me: well it might be easier for the time being, but 3 years from now you may be thinking "where is the sauce" i miss him me: u never know her: haha her: i now her: know her: alright, ill talk to you as soon as i can her: kay her: have a good day! her: hugs your way... me: ok back atcha her: .......down the road me: yea her: later hon me: hey .... her: yea me: i want no calls at 2am telling me you are going on dates. i trust this is time for yourself here and you make the best of it, im just bustin your balls tho, messin with ya me: haha her: haha ill keep the dd's to a min her: haha me: i will answer but it will be silent me: haha her: then ill get all pissed her: ahah her: haha her: rock and roll me: theres no reason 4 u to give me intermittent calls her: talk to you soon her: gocha me: i only want the final call her: i fully understand her: i know her: will do me: is it feasable her: yes me: or do i have to be in your life to have an answer her: if that is the problem ill let you know her: ok her: but lets just try to stick to this plan her: okey me: ok her: bye hon me: bye Is this a glorified breakup, like letting me down easy? I am left hanging now. I know the best thing to do is move on, make myself better, get out, and have fun. I dont need to be told to do those things. But I need to know what you all think. If u need addn info shedding light into her childhood, I can do that, it may matter, who knows.

Anyone, can anyone else shed light on this. Need more info?

anyone else?

Try to make this short... dated a girl for 6 months, we broke up due to problems with me not showing love and herself being very nagging. 3 months of NC passed. we hung out for another month after hooking up one night. We worked thru our problems. After 3 or 4 weeks i wanted a definitive answer if she wanted to be in a relaionship with me or not. she hates ultimatums. but she somehow got me to give her more time, in that she thought she would eventually "come around." another 2 weeks pass. i say i had enough, i feel strung along. at that point she wants me because i let go, and she cant grasp the concept of my all or nothing. she thinks i should give her all the time in the world. she says she wants me and we talk another week. I feel lead on again because of her I love you's and other things she says. I say I have had enough (3rd time now.) she replies "i guess this means goodbye." i am upset. she had a rough upbringing and was abused and i do not know if that is a cause for her commitment phobia. she talks about how she cant picture a future without me, she talks about wanting to live with me one day, talks about marriage one day, tells me she loves me and misses me, and even says she WANTS to be in a relationship with me right now, but she can not figure out whats holding her back. is she in denial --meaning she thinks shes in love with me but really isnt? im going to talk with her in a couple days about her self image issues she has and how they scare me. i think she needs some counseling on some certain things, she has no balance in her life, a bit OCD. i know i can not let her keep telling me what i want to hear, i told her to stop with the i love you's until/if she wants a commited relationship with me. and there are no other people she is interested in, thats the thing. maybe she's too focused on herself, to want someone in her life. she's scared to death of me being out of her life, so i feel like even if one day she wants to commit, it will only be out of fear of losing me. help anyone?

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