girls would u date guy who had less education , made less than u

[Batya33]

I totally agree with you that having a degree doesn't always correlate to intelligence and there are many kinds of intelligence and you can achieve a great deal of valuable knowledge and wisdom without having a formal degree. I can't think of any people in my age group and in the major city I grew up in who value higher education as I do, had the intellectual ability to go to college, but chose not to finish college or go to college (I have some vague memories of meeting a few people like that over the last 15-20 years). I've never met a man like that who also was interested in dating me. If I met someone like that who wanted to date me, and who I felt was intelligent, ambitious and financially stable, I would consider it. When I did online dating there were hundreds of men to choose from who came up in my search (because of where I live) and I limited it to those who finished college.

 

Some men who had not finished college contacted me but as I mentioned their reasons for not getting a degree did not sit well with me (such as, wanting to make a lot of money instead of spending the time getting an education) or they were not intelligent enough for me, or not financially stable, etc..

 

To reference people in our parents' generation is a bit irrelevant in my opinion because at that time it was not as typical to have a college degree and not as necessary in order to achieve financial stability.

[bitbit]

maybe i'm the only one who feels this way, but my top must-have quality in a guy is intelligence. in my situation, my boyfriend can't contruct a sentence, but he can do long division in his head. intelligence is not a matter of schooling but paying attention to the world around you and having the ability to thikn critically. schooling just gives you the confidence to say you're intelligent, not the intelligence in itself. i would be a little wary about dating a guy with less education than me, but i believe in balance in all aspects of life... including a relationship. if we were well balanced there wouldn't be a problem. i do however think i would have a problem a guy making less money than me. i think it's just b/c of the things i was taught at home. i was taught to be independent and have my own money and living, but the man takes care of the household bills.

 

i'm italian/indian but born in america. i was raised in a traditional italian family.. so maybe that has something to do with my beliefs.

[CarnelianButterfly]

It sounds again like you are construing my comments to refer to who I would choose to be friends with or associate with rather than my preferences when choosing a spouse. I celebrate peoples' differences and take each person as a whole person.

 

I wasn't making any reference to you, I was addressing the topic.

[Batya33]

Is it that you have concluded independently that the man should pay the household bills or do you just accept it as a given because that is what your parents told you was the way things should be done? Sounds like the latter but it would be helpful if you could clarify, thanks.

[Prenkle]

It's not really about what degrees you hold or don't hold. It's not about how much money you have. I'd date someone with a high school education and who worked at McDonalds as long as we get along well, can have good conversation and like each other.

[Dako]

I doubt anyone is happy dating a dimwit.

It makes ya feel so alone...

[bitbit]

Is it that you have concluded independently that the man should pay the household bills or do you just accept it as a given because that is what your parents told you was the way things should be done? Sounds like the latter but it would be helpful if you could clarify, thanks.

 

i saw it as i was growing up so that's just the natural thought pattern for me. growing up, both of my parents worked, but the money my mom earned was hers for shopping, occasional grocery shopping, and all that. she may have paid for her gas or car insurance, i'm not totally sure. but my mom also helped a great deal with my dad's business, essentially running it. so i guess that was the arrangement they worked out. she also took care of the house, me, all of our animals, the laundry, helped me with my homework, and worked a full time office job on top of helping with my dad's business. i've never really been in a situation where i've had to split any kind of bills or anything yet, so maybe when i am my opinion will change.

[Batya33]

i saw it as i was growing up so that's just the natural thought pattern for me. growing up, both of my parents worked, but the money my mom earned was hers for shopping, occasional grocery shopping, and all that. she may have paid for her gas or car insurance, i'm not totally sure. but my mom also helped a great deal with my dad's business, essentially running it. so i guess that was the arrangement they worked out. she also took care of the house, me, all of our animals, the laundry, helped me with my homework, and worked a full time office job on top of helping with my dad's business. i've never really been in a situation where i've had to split any kind of bills or anything yet, so maybe when i am my opinion will change.

 

OK - I am not judging your standards but to me a very important part of being ready for a relationship and to make a relationship work is to be able to think for yourself on all important issues (not just money). You might be questioned by a man as to why you feel this way and for some people the "because this is the way my parents did it" might not cut it. I am not referring to splitting the bills, I am referring to an arrangment other than your husband pays for all household bills without a contribution by you.

[luvursmile]

I would want a man with the same education as me (Bachelor's) but if I met one that I really liked and was intelligent...sure, why not. He has to be intelligent though, someone I can have a desent converstion with.

My biggest concern would be that he would feel inferior (for lack of a better word) if I was to make more money that him, as some men would. But if it really did not bother him, then I wouldn't mind. Like I said, I would PREFER that he have the same level of education, but I would not completely disregard someone who didnt, or someone who made less money that I do.

[rocio]

I would date a guy who hadn't finished high school, if he had a good reason and was intellegent. I come from Alberta, where alot of guys don't finish high school but still go on to be successful businessmen and make lots of money. They're also alot smarter than most of the braindead university students I've met. I am caucasion and I have a graduate degree.

 

There are so many different kinds of intellegent. Just because you can read a textbook and memorize the information and regurgitate it on an exam doesn't mean you are smart. Some of the most stupid people I've ever met in my life (and I mean practically brainless) were graduate students.

 

If you go through university memorizing and accepting, you will come out even less intellegent than you went in.

 

As far as my children are concerned: They will have a college fund, and university will definitely be an option for them. I won't try to pressure them to get graduate degrees, or to do anything else just for me. I want kids that can think for themselves and are self-motivated, not people pleasers. If they want graduate degrees, they can have that. If they don't want to go to university, I will be just as proud of them. So I have no problem dating or marrying a guy who doesn't have a degree.

[Batya33]

I wonder why people think having college or graduate degrees are connected to being wealthy or think that people who want their partners to have a formal education necesarily are looking for a rich spouse. A number of my friends with formal degrees chose to go into government or public interest work (or teaching) which traditionally pays less than private enterprise. I do think in most urban areas in the U.S. having a college degree raises your chances of being financially stable but not necesarily of being wealthy.

 

I like what you said about not forcing children to go to college. I totally agree. I will encourage them and be a role model for them but would never force someone to go to college or graduate school. People come to me for advice often about going to the type of graduate program I did and I question them about their motivations and expectations, since it was costly and took a lot of time to get the degree.

[rocio]

I wonder why people think having college or graduate degrees are connected to being wealthy

 

The connection is undeniable. Education and income are highly correlated.

 

I wonder why people think having college or graduate degrees are connected to being wealthy or think that people who want their partners to have a formal education necesarily are looking for a rich spouse. A number of my friends with formal degrees chose to go into government or public interest work (or teaching) which traditionally pays less than private enterprise. I do think in most urban areas in the U.S. having a college degree raises your chances of being financially stable but not necesarily of being wealthy.

 

I don't know what this has to do with my post.. Maybe you weren't even addressing it to me.

 

My brother has just a college certificate. He's 22 years old and he has his own business, building houses. He doesn't build anything under a million dollars. He is incredibly talented and hardworking and he makes much, much more money than any of the accountants or engineers that I know. To me, that's smart. Someone who is successful by using his head and taking calculated risks. Maybe that clarifies my post. But I still don't see how it's related to your post.

[Batya33]

The connection is undeniable. Education and income are highly correlated.

 

 

 

I don't know what this has to do with my post.. Maybe you weren't even addressing it to me.

 

My brother has just a college certificate. He's 22 years old and he has his own business, building houses. He doesn't build anything under a million dollars. He is incredibly talented and hardworking and he makes much, much more money than any of the accountants or engineers that I know. To me, that's smart. Someone who is successful by using his head and taking calculated risks. Maybe that clarifies my post. But I still don't see how it's related to your post.

 

I was responding to your comment that people can make a lot of money without a college degree. I often hear that argument as to why a college degree isn't necessary because you can make a lot of money without one. I wonder why that argument is made as it presumes that the value of a college degree is in how much money you can make. Perhaps some feel that way - I do not.

 

I think that one way to be intelligent is to use your "smarts" to make a lot of money. Another way to be intelligent is to use your skills to help those in need, even if the salary is lower than what you could make in private industry. I do have an issue with those who use their "smarts" to make a lot of money where that means being unethical or dishonest with others. Not saying that is your brother, at all! - but I have met wealthy shrewd business people who were brilliant and had shady practices. Technically smart but lacking in integrity.

[caro33]

For me, intelligence and some ambition at something constructive is most relevant. Except for one guy I was with, all men I have been with have had less edcuation than me. The one guy who didn't have less education had a PhD, but to be frank, he wasn't all that smart. I also have a PhD but I know a lot less than some of the guys I have been with. That's not to say they're smarter than me (but they may well have been) but I just haven't retained anything.

 

I have also generally made more money than the guy I'm with. But that stuff also changes as each of your opportunities change. Obviously depends on your career choice, your industry and the economy.

 

I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't value learning and an education. However I have known people who think what they have is an education, and all they really have is an expensive sense of entitlement and a few facts learned by rote. There have been other PhDs/MBAs I have known who are such incredible w***kers who have no grip on reality, little insight and not even that great an intelligence.

 

I would swap my highly intelligent, motivated, politically aware husband for them any day. He kicks my butt in all things knowledge related and he's far more in touch with the world than I am.

 

So, it depends. A desire to be educated is a huge value for me and what I would expect from a partner, but I have a broader interpretation of how that value can be manifested.

 

I can't comment on cultural factors.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think using your skills for the over all betterment of mankind is a valid and good use. I know a lot of people feel that doing something small is good and I agree, but some people have the abilities to make a greater impact using their knowledge in less direct ways.

 

I know academics are seen as stuffy or self-important at times, but when you consider that those same people are the ones that find cheaper and better methods of health care or more durable cars or new cleaner power, they are far from self-centered.

[caro33]

I think using your skills for the over all betterment of mankind is a valid and good use. I know a lot of people feel that doing something small is good and I agree, but some people have the abilities to make a greater impact using their knowledge in less direct ways.

 

I know academics are seen as stuffy or self-important at times, but when you consider that those same people are the ones that find cheaper and better methods of health care or more durable cars or new cleaner power, they are far from self-centered.

 

True, but I guess we also need to keep in mind that "academics" covers an enormous population accross many types of institutions, and covers probably every topic there is.

 

So we're talking rocket ships, curing cancer, studying algae, decoding ancient languages, tree science, film reviews, mathematical proofs, gender issues commentary, economic equations, historical studies etc etc. The list is endless. And just like in the outside world, some of these topics are more relevant than others and there are value judgements implicit in any discussion of these issues. Some are mere bludges to get money out of industry/government to pay for students to do something (anything!), some people are saving the world, others are merely navel gazing to avoid doing something meaningful in the big, scary reality.

 

So while I am a believer in academic pursuits, I have judgements on what are more 'worthy' pursuits both within academia and in the non-academic world. For example, I would be much less comfortable if my child decided to devote the rest of her life to studying one poet than if she became a tradie and had her own business. Her choice, but my discomfort would be real and I would do all I could to get her to engage with the world.

[rocio]

I dont think there is necessarily a correlation between education level & income. Yes, your odds of landing a good paying job go up, but its also what you make of it.

 

Statistically speaking, education is one of the strongest determinants of income.

 

But I agree with everything else you said.

 

You don't have to possess a degree to make alot of money.

 

And to Batya33: You also don't have to possess a degree to help those in need. There are many things you can do that contribute to your community or help others that don't require degrees.

[amtjrtcet]

I have a B.S. and a stable, good paying career. I dated this GORGEOUS guy for a little while. He had a GED, worked as a waiter, & lived at home. At first he was wonderful to me, so none of that mattered. But then he became a jerk, and also made it clear that he didn't plan to do anything else with his life-which made him completely unattractive. I got rid of him, quick.

 

I have become a little older, a little wiser and my b/f is also a college graduate with a stable career. I want to marry someone as ambitious and goal oriented as I am, nothing less. Just my opinion.

[Batya33]

Statistically speaking, education is one of the strongest determinants of income.

 

But I agree with everything else you said.

 

You don't have to possess a degree to make alot of money.

 

And to Batya33: You also don't have to possess a degree to help those in need. There are many things you can do that contribute to your community or help others that don't require degrees.

 

That is very true but the ways in which you can help increase if you have certain specific skills or a license (medical, legal, nursing, etc.).

[Batya33]

Yeah, that would turn me off. Someone who has no ambition...

Waiters make really good money though! I once saw a waitress from Fridays finish her shift & get into an Acura.

 

How did you know if the Acura was hers, if she paid for it, how she paid for it, how much money she has in the bank, etc? Seems like a huge leap of logic.

[poloplayer]

Statistically speaking, education is one of the strongest determinants of income.

 

Very true. There is a strong correlation, however, it is just that, a statistical correlation. Education does not cause higher income.

 

I think this all boils down to the person. I've met some insanely smart people who (A) never went to college, and (B) dropped out of college. Not many, but they are out there. And they make a killing.

 

At the same time, I've met more than a few MBA's and JD's were I wonder if they know how to tie their own shoes. Although proficient in a narrow segment of their respective professions, they seem to be clueless everywhere else in life.

 

I think education, as well as degrees, are only tools. Degrees open doors, but beyond that it's up to the person. The traits that lead to success are not exclusive to the educated.

 

I say that I prefer someone intelligent, but in reality I mean that I like people who have a good deal of common sense.

[poloplayer]

also made it clear that he didn't plan to do anything else with his life-which made him completely unattractive.

 

I just caught this piece. This is very interesting because it's almost exclusive to America. I have a good deal of family and friends in Europe, and a few friends in Asia, who all laugh at us in America (mind you, I do work quite a bit as well). If you're not working X amount of hours per week, or attaining Y number of degrees then you are LAZY. According to who?

 

It seems like all the other nations are enjoying life. Those people work to live. They love all their free time. In America, it's the opposite. People live to work, or "better themselves." I agree that I find an ambitious person attractive (is that a euphimism for greedy?), but this seems to really only be an issue here in the States.

[Batya33]

I just caught this piece. This is very interesting because it's almost exclusive to America. I have a good deal of family and friends in Europe, and a few friends in Asia, who all laugh at us in America (mind you, I do work quite a bit as well). If you're not working X amount of hours per week, or attaining Y number of degrees then you are LAZY. According to who?

 

It seems like all the other nations are enjoying life. Those people work to live. They love all their free time. In America, it's the opposite. People live to work, or "better themselves." I agree that I find an ambitious person attractive (is that a euphimism for greedy?), but this seems to really only be an issue here in the States.

 

I know many foreigners and foreign-born people who are ambitious go-getters. I don't think ambition has anything to do with being greedy. There are people whose life ambition is to make a lot of money. That is only one form of ambition. Someone whose ambition is to teach inner city children certainly wouldn't be called greedy, correct? Lazy is the other end of the spectrum

 

In short, I disagree with your generalizations about Americans/

[CarnelianButterfly]

I just caught this piece. This is very interesting because it's almost exclusive to America. I have a good deal of family and friends in Europe, and a few friends in Asia, who all laugh at us in America (mind you, I do work quite a bit as well). If you're not working X amount of hours per week, or attaining Y number of degrees then you are LAZY. According to who?

 

It seems like all the other nations are enjoying life. Those people work to live. They love all their free time. In America, it's the opposite. People live to work, or "better themselves." I agree that I find an ambitious person attractive (is that a euphimism for greedy?), but this seems to really only be an issue here in the States.

Yep, and its really sad because there is so much more to life than making money. I'm happiest when I'm doing nothing related to my research.

 

My favorite saying "Stop and smell the roses"

[Batya33]

Yep, and its really sad because there is so much more to life than making money. I'm happiest when I'm doing nothing related to my research.

 

My favorite saying "Stop and smell the roses"

 

I totally agree but do not understand why ambition is being equated to wanting money.