I think my cousin married the wrong guy

[glegend]

No he is not hitting her. There are times that people have given me advice that I didnt want to hear but guess what I listened to it. And after a while it made sense. Everyone was on my case all week to study for my physics exam early, I didnt want to but guess what I did a bit everynight and when I wrote it this morning I was able to answer every question.

 

I expected to hear both yea you should and no you shouldnt. Your father and brother there just looking out for you. 3 years has been a long time and since nothing has really happened people are wondering whats going on, are you 2 going to get married etc. Thats why they are telling you that so you can move on if your not going to get married.

 

My cousin doesnt choose my girlfriend, which I've had for the past 5 years but she does help me decide what to do for her. Like what to get her for her birthday etc.

[annie24]

I expected to hear both yea you should and no you shouldnt. Your father and brother there just looking out for you. 3 years has been a long time and since nothing has really happened people are wondering whats going on, are you 2 going to get married etc. Thats why they are telling you that so you can move on if your not going to get married.

 

Maybe that is your time table and her dad's and her brothers, but maybe that is not HER time table. Everyone is different, some people want to be engaged right away, others don't want to get married at all, and there are plenty of people in between. What works for one person doesn't always work for another.

 

Being told to study for a physics exam early is common sense. Meddling in a marriage, that is not wise.

 

You just worry about your own life, and let her take care of hers.

[annie24]

why don't you just ask your other family members why they haven't spoken up?

 

I mean, what are you expecting to have happen? you talk to your cousin, tell her he is a lazy bum that needs to get a job. Then, a big lightbulb will pop above her head and she will say, 'Oh! wow - you are right - I never noticed he didn't have a job and was being lazy around the house! yeah, that's a good idea, I should tell him to get a job! why didn't I think of that?"

[Mythical_Suicide]

Your father and brother there just looking out for you. 3 years has been a long time and since nothing has really happened people are wondering whats going on, are you 2 going to get married etc. Thats why they are telling you that so you can move on if your not going to get married.

 

 

 

Either way its none of their business, it's mine and mine alone. If I wanted their opinions i would ask. To me, the longer we're together without marriage the better the marriage will be because we are working our problems out and getting debt and such paid off before we make sucha huge commitment and im happy so it's noone's business.

 

And its the same for your cousin, i'm sure there is a reason she isn't kicking her husband to the curb just yet. It's her choice to make whether she gives him an ultimatum to get a job or whatnot. Nothing you say to her is going to make a difference. She's a grown woman she is going to make her own decisions there is a reason she is still allowing him to not work and she doesn't need her little cousin who is still in High school telling her how to handle her marriage or what to do.

[glegend]

I mean, what are you expecting to have happen? you talk to your cousin, tell her he is a lazy bum that needs to get a job. Then, a big lightbulb will pop above her head and she will say, 'Oh! wow - you are right - I never noticed he didn't have a job and was being lazy around the house! yeah, that's a good idea, I should tell him to get a job! why didn't I think of that?"

 

I don't exprect that to happen. All I expect her to say is ya your right and turn around to him and tell him he needs to get his act in gear and he needs to do more then ssit around the house doing nothing and going out with his friends and find a job.

[Mythical_Suicide]

As I have stated, if she is going to say that to him she doesn't need you telling her what to do or what to say. Are you just looking for someone to say "you're right" and validate the way you feel? Because more than likely it isn't going to work that way with your cousin.

[glegend]

Well were going to see what happens. My dad got fed up with him last night and he's decided that he is going to talk to him. And ask him how can he sleep at night knowing that my cousin is breaking her back all day long at work and for what, for him to stay home and siton the couch.

 

But come on you have to admit over a year and a half and still not one interview thats pathetic. How can everyone else find job and can't. Is he someone special, no he isnt he is just like all of us.

[Ash]

glegend, perhaps you just better do whatever it is you want to do and see how much trouble (if any) it causes. This thread has gone on a very long time and you're simply not heeding any of the advice those many years your senior are offering. FWIW, I have six kids and when one of them locks in with this much determination, then I start to wonder if it's time for them to experience a "life's lesson" first hand.

 

Perhaps you just need to learn this one the hard way, but I hope for your cousin's sake you don't mess up her life.

 

With reference to what you said about me taking your comments that you don't need a job because it's a different context, you totally and completely can't see the point I tried to make. It is EXACTLY the same context as your cousins' husband because he also does not "need" a job (apparently). The reasons perhaps differ but the sentiment you expressed for not needing one yourself and the way he acts in not getting one are the identical. You don't need a job (as most kids don't) because your parents are paying your way. He doesn't need a job because his wife is. Neither of you is independently wealthy.

 

You're putting a lot of energy into deciding what all of these people are saying to you is to be disregarded so perhaps it's time for us all to turn to something more productive.

 

That's all from me, I'm unsubscribing from this thread.

[glegend]

Is it a crime to be looking out for my cousin?

[Mythical_Suicide]

No, it isn't infact it is great that you are but its crazy to come on an advice forum and ask if you should do something but when someone says otherwise you argue with them. You came on here for opinions, we gave you our opinions and then you bash us for it. You say you're going to do it anyway, so do it! We try to help you out by giving advice but its obvious you didnt want our advice anyway.

[glegend]

Excuse me, you claim thhat I bashed you guy. How so?

[blueangel]

Okay, I understand you are worried about the situation here. A lot of people are giving you a hard time about it. Basically: here's what I think you should do, to answer what you are actually asking for:

 

Follow your gut feeling. Follow your heart. Remember that the words (to your cousin), "I'm here for you. I want to give support. Times seem hard right now. You're husband's wellbeing seems to be slipping. Is there anything I can do? Is there anything you want to talk about?" is much more meaningful then, "You married the wrong man and I'm sick of seeing what is happening to your life!"

 

You know what I mean? Seriously though, there are a lot of immature people replying to this right now who are obviously not helping at all- just bringing you down. They're not important. Scope out the advice in this forum that you think is the most valuable and ignore the rest: there's too much negative ones!

 

Good luck. I can tell you are a caring individual (for your cousin and for the things around you) and can stand up for yourself very well (as I've been reading! lol) Whatever happens, YOU will play your part and hold it well. It's nice to have that type of strength.