Ugh!! What does he want from me?

[rachaelg]

Hey all.

My ex?!? and I were together for 1.5 years. We broke up almost 7 month ago. I did 5 months of no contact (with him trying to get me back), and then we started school again. During the past 2 months we have bonded and have been and forth about getting back together. We hang out, kiss, talk, tell each other we love each other, and even have sex. It is like we are a couple, except without the title.

 

I hate this situation! I have talked to him about it, and he has told me that he is positive we are going to end up together in the end. That it is fate that we will be together. That we are meant to be. This frustarated me, because it seems like if he felt that way, why would he be back and forth about getting back together.

 

WHenever I begin to pull away because I want MORE outta this he gets upset and asks to get back together. This happened 2 weeks ago because I said I didn;t want to have sex anymore. He gave the "it will work" speech and asked to get back together. I never anwsered, but assumed we were.. turns out today after 3 days of him not calling, anwsering calls, emailing etc...i find out that we weren't together after all. SO CONFUSING.

 

I dont get it. How could he love me, And i truly believe he does, but be so stupid and confused. I think if u want to be with someone u DO IT!. I am really hurt, because I feel like my trust has been violated and I love him. I just dont know what to do. I told him he needs to decide and has to stop stringing me around.

 

Can someone help me figure him out???? Thanks. Much appreciation.

[amuse]

You must decide what is best for you.

Right now it sounds like just SEX.

Give him distance and you decide what you want and need.

If he does not want to be your boyfriend then find someone who loves you that will be your boyfriend and give you the proper title of girlfriend.

Not friend or F__K buddy title.

[GuitarmanIII]

Hi Rachael, I have to admit that in my past relationship I was like your current bf. One day, if doesn't treat you right, he will wind up deeply regretting this blown opportunity he has with you now. So far he's lucky you're hanging around...it sounds like he's taking you for granted. I'm not so lucky becasue I figured it out too late...now I'm single in the cold.

 

How would he feel if you started dating other guys? Test the waters??

Just an idea.

G

[rachaelg]

hey. thanks for your replies. Believe it or not..SEX isn't THAT important to me. I have suggested to him that we just try being friends (he said it would be too hard) or that we just date (ie. no sex) and he threw both ideas out of the window. I think he is the one who wants the sex, not me.

 

I do think he is taking me for granted. I do believe he loves me, and wants to be with me. but at the same time...I think he is enjoying getting everything he needs right now without the commitment. I am not.

 

SHould I bother giving him an ultimatium? (ie. be with me or goodbye)...but at the same time...shouldn't he WANT to be with me without fear of consequence??

[robowarrior]

If you want to be with him, why don't you have sex with him? I mean for a guy sex is the biggest part of the relationship, i know its not for girls but if you know this, then you know that saying something like 'i don't want to have sex with you ' is basically saying i 'reject' you , its no wonder he is creating more distance between you two if you reject him. Ok its like this, for a woman its all about 'being together' for a man its the sex that counts. Basically you can't have a relationship with a guy if you leave the sex out. The more sex, the more times he is together with you, for a guy it is the most intimate thing. For a woman its more 'ugh here we go again', its a matter of choice i gues. To me it doesn't sound like you want to be with him based on sexual terms. You know to me it seems like he has being doing all the effort, but im really asking myself do you love him, and do you want to be with him. Because it would only be natural to want to have sex with someone that you love. That your body is rejecting him, is for me a sign that you aren't too much head over heels for him to begin with.

[rachaelg]

wow. Robowarrior

 

That is NOT it at all. I do enjoy sex with him, and I do love him. HOWEVER! I also have self respect..and if the only reason someone wants to be with me is for the sex, then I'd rather not be with him. I think for BOTH males and females sex is important..however it is not the only aspect of a relationship. There are other needs to be met as well. (ie. emotional). He says he wants to get back together, but then DOESN"T...and yet still wants to have sex with me. I believe that you should BE TOGETHER in a RELATIONSHIP..which is why I was trying to curb this sex thing.

 

BUt honestly..sex is not the big issue here. MY POINT was him being back and forth.

[amuse]

Ask for what YOU need and want.

If he does not want to give it to you then break up and move on.