How Do i Hanble my Ex?

[kofi2]

Hello board, i have a problem that i believe has changed the view and life of my ex-wife and i. It will be more so for my ex than me. My ex and i had been dating for 3 yrs and gotten married in Sept last year. I deeply and truly loved her and her son who was 5 yrs. Her parents adored me as i was very caring for her and i am a very respectable and responsible person. In our relationship, i was the voice of reason and solid rock she could rely on. She truly admired me for that and appreciated my concern and attention to her. We lived together with one of our best friends and had the best of times as roommates. I graduated last year with a Bachelors in Chemistry and got married to her a month later. My ex had always struggled with school and work as a result of having a son at an early age with an ex of her hers who left the responsibility to her and her parents. My exs' parents were appreciative of the fact that that i was a good person and the fact that there are not many men who will step up to plate as i did. I helped her out with her son, school as well as a loving partner. My ex two months into the marriage started hanging out with friends of hers she met at a new job. I was weary of them as i noticed a change in her behavior. The friends were from her past. She began talking about them all day and i made her aware it seemed our relationship had taken a backseat to her friends. She brushed it off saying it wasn't. I met her gal pals and the after knowing them, had a gut instinct that they were out to influence my ex and were jealous of our loving relationship. My ex after some weeks started to told me she wasnt ready for marriage and that her friends were saying there was more out there for her. To cut a long story short she moved to her parents who persuaded her as to why she moved in and she lied to them that she wanted to be closer to her college which was 5 mins from her parents and 20 mins from where we stayed. Her parents bought into it and lied to them that she was going to see me and rather ended up at her friends. She begun to neglect her son and that was then that her parents called me as to what was happening. We found out that she was lying to us. Her friends had got her as i found out from one of her close friends that her friends i questioned her about had got her involved in speed (methamphetamine) and was dating their dealer who happened to be one of her ex-boyfriends. She ended up forging checks in my roommates, parents as well as my name which she lied about till the bank provided us with the cashed checks. I was truly hurt by her actions and she became verbally abusive to me, her parents and all our friends when we questioned her activities. I lost my trust for her and filed for divorce. I moved to another state and a almost a year later she emails me to check how i am doing and sorry things didnt work out and i should email her back sometime. I honestly dont want to ever get back with her or yet see her and honestly know she will never find someone like me in her life. She lost all the good friends she had and most importantly me. I been a very compassionate person cannot think of the complications her actions will cause to her future relationships. I honestly need your perspective as to why she is contacting me and why she has the nerve to after these months. She didnt want to sit down and discuss with me how to solve things even when i stood up for her when she was in trouble with the bank and now wants to "communicate" and know how things are going with me? I cant trust her and still feel angry by her actions. and dont want to get back with her. I just dont know if i should reply or not but i need feedback as to how to handle things. Thanks.

[slider]

2 ways to handle this. Obviously, she is not the person for you and you know it and have moved on. That deserves admiration. Congratulations.

 

First, you could not reply at all and forget this whole thing since it was not a positive experience in your life - so why bring it back in. Closed wounds should stay closed.

 

Secondly, you can reply to her that you are doing just fine and ask her not to email you anymore or you'll block her address.

 

When so much betrayal has taken place in a relationship, it is NOT a good idea to stay in contact. Not even friends. I can tell you from experience that when drugs are involved. You will NOT EVER be a priority. This girl is like cancer. If you are strong enough to fight it off, you don't want it ever to creep into your life again. That's my honest opinion.

[adidas7fire]

i totally understand what you are going thru. i thought i was going to die because my fiance broke up with me. actually i think it was pretty much mutual because we both started realizing that things were becoming different in our attitudes and mannerisms. i mean, we still loved each other and all, but it was still hard to accept. but the best advice that i could give is just let time do its thing and most likely it will work out for the better. i thought i wasn't going to be able to have a life after our breakup but i got to hang out with my friends again and do the things that i never had time for. i even met some other people that took a liking to me now that i am single again and i just feel great. not to say that i don't have feelings for my ex, but i just know that things will never be the same between us, if you know what i mean.

 

just take it easy and don't dwell on what COULD have happened but realize that now you must make a life for yourself without that other person. trust me, i was NOT a believer of this but i have found this out to be true. feel free to email me ... i'd love to help you thru this tough time. being able to relate to someone that has been thru the same thing helped me.

 

good luck.

[kofi2]

Thanks guys. I really can count on the board for support anytime. When i think of my ex what pops in my mind is the proverbial " you dont know what you have till its gone".

[adidas7fire]

you know what's ironic about your last post... my ex's mom is the one that told me that. and she says that it's true.. because she realizes what an asset i was to him but he's too egotistical to realize it right now. but that statement is so true... so just think about that and it will help you. good luck!

[4EverNight]

I know that this is conusing to you but as everyone has posted, you should go on with your life without her. You did all the right things in the relationship but she blew it by not fully committing to you. The unfortunate thing is that not only are you hurt but her child may be as well with the mothers actions. She may be trying to contact you because she now realizes what she had and now you are gone. Plus her life may really be going down the drain. If you decide to contact her, just let her know that your doing fine and that you've gone on, nothing more. Though you may feel like venting and rubbing it in to her that what she had with you was a good thing that she threw away, just leave things as it is, believe me she already knows that she messed up and lost the one of the best things in her life.

[kofi2]

Thanks a lot. I was heartbroken after i left but now after almost a year have had a deep appreciation for leaving as i realized that she was not the best thing for me by been ungrateful and dishonest to me. I am doing great being single and have had numerous offers to go out which has really made me feel really good. Added by my acceptance into pharmacy school, i feel uplifted. As much as i was helpful and caring for my ex, i think i am doing what is in my best interest now and that is taking care of myself. I cant wait to meet my true love and settle down.