I get upset when...

[Call of The Zombie]

...my girlfriend talks about the one night stand she had 2 years ago. She doesn't know that this bothers me, but it does and I'm quite sick of hearing about it. She brings it up about once a month and has for the duration of our relationship (about a year now).

 

This is not something I want to know about and wish I didn't. Everytime she says something about "the wedding in Virginia", I want to tell her to shut the F up about it.

 

Obviously I need more tact than that. But should I even bother saying anything about it?

[Batya33]

Ask her what the relevance is to your relationship now and tell her that it is too much information for you to handle.

[Newo Ikkin]

Why does she even feel the need to bring it up?

[Call of The Zombie]

I do not know why she keeps bringing it up. Like I said, I didn't want to know about it in the first place.

[Newo Ikkin]

Thats understandable. As Batya33 said, explain to her nicely but firmly, that its a little too much information for you. How long have you been seeing each other?

[Call of The Zombie]

We've been together about a year now, living together for two months. She dropped this on me after we started having sex and keeps bringing it up.

[Newo Ikkin]

Does she bring it up more when you argue, or does she drop it into casual conversation?

 

I really dont understand the logic.

[Call of The Zombie]

She'll just come out of nowhere with it. She did it last night, we were laying in bed watching tv and she just started in with something about it. I made the disinterested noise three or four times and she clammed up finally.

[Cadence308]

Maybe she's trying to make you jealous. Is she insecure and wants reassurance of how special you are to her?

[Newo Ikkin]

Argh, I would have been OUT by now. But I understand that you may not even be considering that, and its not always the most sensible option.

 

You're in dire need of being straight with her before it creates a major problem. Whats in the past should stay in the past, and she should not be making it your business. Shame on her.

[Call of The Zombie]

That is quite possible. She used to ask me "you're not going to leave me are you?". Her ex-fiance cheated on her repeatedly.

 

I love her more than anything and I plan on asking her to marry me in the spring, I just don't want to hear any more about the "Virginia escapade".

[Newo Ikkin]

Then be nice but firm about it all - explain you want to keep it in the past, that it hurts to hear at times and you believe that from now on, its you and her that counts.

 

That way she has that subtle hint, and reassurance.

[dogheadma]

Tell her it has nothing to do with you and that you find it rude that she constantly brings it up. Tell her she has one last chance to get everything out that she needs to say about it and then kindly drop the subject from there on.

[Call of The Zombie]

God I hate starting any kind of discussion like this with her.

 

I never bring up my one nighter (which she knows about) cause it doesn't matter any and was a long time ago. I'd rather not think about it.

[Newo Ikkin]

Wait until the next time she brings it up. Then turn to her, look her in the eyes and put your foot down. You dont need things like this drilled into you throughout the relationship.

[Call of The Zombie]

Thanks everyone for your advice.

[jimthzz]

did these one-nighters (hers and yours) occur before you were seeing each other?

 

If not, she is unresolved about things.

 

If so, whatthe? ...

[Clementine orange]

She is messing with your head and trying to get a reaction. If someone did this to me then it would backfire. Somethings you really don't want to hear alot about.

I would view this as a red flag

[RayKay]

She either has a tremendous insecurity, or for some reasons feels it is relevant to you. Which it is not.

 

There is no way it should be something she regularly brings up (or at all!). Tell her you know it happened, and you do not want to hear about it anymore as it is absolutely not relevant.

 

I am not sure how old she is, or how much relationship experience she has, but it is pretty callous to bring up past sexual experiences with other people to your partner!

[Call of The Zombie]

There's a backstory to this, I'll explain as best I can. She is 26, I'm 31. She was engaged to this dirtbag who cheated on her a lot. He was the one who broke off the engagement and she was a mess afterward. She and I had known each other socially for about three years before we started dating. Anyway, the summer after the breakup, she went to this friend's wedding and slept with this guy. She says it was a big mistake and wishes she hadn't done it, so why keep mentioning it? I'm not impressed by it and don't care one way or the other, I just don't want to hear about it. All this happened before we started dating, so it doesn't concern me in the least.

 

My own one nighter was way back in 1999, so long ago I've forgotten most of what happened. I don't talk about, it has nothing to do with anything in my life now.

[kadestuart]

All this happened before we started dating, so it doesn't concern me in the least.

If it is bothering her enough to bring it up on a regular occasion and if it bothers you enough to post it in a thread, then maybe it should concern you enough to talk about it. The next time she brings it up, instead of huffing and puffing and the like, hear her out. After shes done talking remind her that she brings it up often and ask her why it bothers her. Maybe she wants to hear that you don't think less of her because of it or that the fact that she did this does not change the fact that you love her. Whatever the case she won't stop bringing it up until you allow her to talk abou it, you ask questions (act interested) and finally tell her that it really bothers you that she brings it up and that the past situation doesn't change the way you feel about her. I know we females can be difficult at times but if she is important to you and putting this behind you is important you cannot just ignore it. She wont just come out and tell you whats really bothering her, I really think she just wants you to fish it out instead of simply telling you.

~Good luck!