What I feared most was true...

[bdwiii]

A little while back, I posted on here asking if her going to a movie with a guy "friend" was wrong. Well, I found out that it was just one of many things that were WRONG.

 

I found out she had been sleeping with not just the "movie" guy, but a whole slew of others as well. How did I learn all this? The cell phone I had gotten her she claimed to have lost, so I had the number moved to another phone, and it rang constantly! I answered these calls, and they were all guys asking who I was, where she was, and when I told them, some would hang up, but a few others told me that they were with her and knew nothing about me! The one in particular who spoke to me in length, was according to her, her "cousin". Well, he said, no, that's not true at all, and most nights that I wasn't with her, she was over there sleeping with him. It made both of us sick to find out that we were both with her like this practically at the same time!

 

So basically she's nothing but a lying * * * * *. I can't even count the number of guys that have since called looking for her. Well, it's definitely over and she's out of my life for good! I just don't know how anyone who is even remotely HUMAN can look you straight in the eyes and lie all the sweet lies, tell you everything you want to hear, and mean NONE of it!

 

Sadly, this isn't the first time this has happened to me, but I'm hoping to God it will be the last. Hell of a way to bring in the holiday season

[Hope75]

Hey There,

 

 

Ouch. I'm so sorry that this happened to you. I guess, it is better that you know now rather than it going on for much longer.

 

Are you going to confront her and break things off?

[bdwiii]

No, no need for that now. It's most definitely OVER and I never want to see or hear from her again. Each time that phone rings, I learn more and more about what was going on behind my back almost all the time. I do feel half sick and yeah, I'll need a little time to forget it all and get back to normal living again, but I doubt I'll ever trust anyone fully again if ever.

[sddeaston]

No, no need for that now. It's most definitely OVER and I never want to see or hear from her again. Each time that phone rings, I learn more and more about what was going on behind my back almost all the time. I do feel half sick and yeah, I'll need a little time to forget it all and get back to normal living again, but I doubt I'll ever trust anyone fully again if ever.

 

Hey man. This sucks. I am sorry for you!!

 

I quoted you because of the last half-sentence you wrote. Right now, while its all fresh to you, it may be easy to feel like you will never be able to trust anyone again...or for that matter, to feel like you will ever WANT to trust anyone. But I will tell you, from experience, that you need to drop that outlook.

 

It has been my experience that that outlook, no matter how much its there to protect yourself, will only end up hurting YOU. One of the most important elements to relationships is trust, and without trust, a relationship can only go so far.

 

Even if the person thinks they are not projecting that onto their S/O, they are. I did, and I lost my fiancee, baby's momma and the one person in this world I have ever felt that I loved, truly.

 

Like I said, I am sorry for your situation, but you are better off without that person in your life...sounded like she had issues. Just be glad you are done with her....and don't let what she did to you in this relationship ruin your relationships down the road.

 

sd

[bdwiii]

Yeah, I know you're right, it's just going to take a while till I'm able to try again and not have this still in my head. I just don't know how someone can lie so convincingly and make you believe it all. Why not just end it and go and be with whoever instead of using and deceiving someone you're really not in love with at all? I guess I'll never understand it.

[sddeaston]

Nope, and neither will I. I find those who act out like that generally have some sort of....inner demons, for lack of better terms. Something they are not happy with within themselves. Now this is totally a generalization taken from personal experiences and observations. But, I find it holds true in most instances.

 

How, still, can they do that to someone they "have feelings for" or even are "in love with"? Crazy, but you would not want to be with someone who has that potential for a lifelong commitment anyway, right?

 

Good Luck, I hope the rest of your holiday season is a bit brighter!!

[yeawutever]

Damn sorry to hear but in that case, you don't need any confrontation, all you have to do is pack your bags and disappear, never to contact her again and do change your #.

[sydneybean84]

I know this might seem crass, but have you been tested for STD's? There is no telling the status is of a girl who is that promiscuous with that many men.Do yourself a favor and make sure you are healthy...AND NEVER TALK TO HER AGAIN!!

[bdwiii]

No, you're right in saying it, in fact, that's what the other guy that filled me in on the details of her with him said to me too. He's going to get checked as well. I just found out why she's out there with so many other guys now and what she wanted out of me, money. She was picked up for drugs and is now in jail for at least six months. Nice huh? That's explains a hell of a lot. She was out selling her * * * for this stuff and using me for money. You know, I must be a magnet for this crap, because she is not the first and only girl that I have been with that I've found this kind of thing out about. I don't know if it's me, or if the caliber of people in general has gone to hell?

[Rabican]

Several things.

 

Not all women are like this... so dont blame them all.

 

You are better off, at least in the longrun. Im sure it sucks now... but just think better now than a year, two, etc down the road.

 

At least now you have some idea of the warning signs... next time you should be able to more easily draw your boundaries and know where you stand without having to worry if you are just being 'paranoid' You knew something was up... and you were right.

[doyathink]

Oh man, I would lose my sanity. I hope you can get over this for your own good, she isn't worth you being miserable. Sounds like her luck ran out too...Karmas catching up with her.

[bdwiii]

Yeah, most definitely. But this one tops the cake...today, she calls me from jail and when I told her that I knew about all these guys she was with, she just fell silent and then started cying and begged me to allow her to explain. She kept saying she loves me and that she was all messed up at the time and confused.. yeah, like I'm supposed to believe any of that now! This one just keeps on comin'! What I fail to see is the purpose or motive behind it all now? I mean she knows I now know all, and yet she keeps on telling me she loves me??? PLEASE! Can you or anyone shed a little light on the psychology behind this one? Cause I'm baffled.

[doyathink]

Cause she's really messed up in the head...thats why. Are you her only support...as in, does she have any family she can turn to or has she messed that up too.

 

Is she asking you to bail her out? She may also be the kind of person who doesnt like it when ppl are upset with her. Some of her actions suggest she is wanting attention...from anyone and everyone she can get it from. Was she raised without a father? Did she feel loved and secure growing up?

 

Or, you are the best thing that has ever happened in her life and she knows she messed that up.......and is willing to do whatever it takes to get you back...maybe without you she is nothing?!

[BigSyke]

dude, if you EVER talk to that chick again, you make every guy out there seem like a complete idiot. my girl has cheated on me with over 200 guys, i have pictures and DVDs to back it up

[bdwiii]

You've hit the nail on the head there on a lot of points; yes, she had a bad childhood, and an absent father, etc.. and maybe you're right about her realizing that I was the best thing she ever had or will have, but despite all of that, am I supposed to move past all that and put my neck out again? I'd love to hear her explanations on this, maybe I will, maybe I won't, I just don't know. I wanna go along with what BigSkye is saying and just be done with it and heal, but it's SOOO hard to do when you really loved someone.

[scarew]

Don't let her guilt you into anything with her crying and whining. It may be genuine, and she may love you. But the only way for her to learn (I suggest you tell her this if she tries contacting you) is for her to lose everything that is important to her and to hit rock bottom. Taking her back would only feed her compulsion.

 

The bottom line is that she has lost all of your trust and there is no way to try and make a relationship work after that. If you tried, for the next 10 years you would be over-protective, jealous of EVERYTHING, and you would suffocate her. It would be hell for both of you. She screwed up. Now she has to lie in the bed she made.

[bdwiii]

You're right, and that's how this is going to go too. Well, she really has no choice in the matter anyway; she's going to be there now for at least 3-6 months so she's going to have nothing to do but think about things, and what she's lost.

[doyathink]

Maybe this is the only way she knows how to love...honestly!

We are taught by example .....she didnt have one....at least not a good one.

Part of the way we act in our adult life is how we were raised...by the examples we were shown. Now, if we had several bad examples then we have to retrain our thought process and learn a new way.

 

You may be the one she was learning from, and by being that 'good' example in her life, she doesnt want to let it go. Her heart is telling her something different then her head is...why doyathink we have so many messed up ppl out here....they had very poor role models and have never learned anything different.

 

I'm not saying you should stay with her.....quite the opposite in fact, but what I am saying is that she may not know any different and now that you left her....is realizes just what you ment to her.

[bdwiii]

OK, maybe so, but then why, when she KNEW that I loved her, adored her, and would have and did most anything for her, would she be sleeping with these guys and BOLD FACE lying to me about it the whole time!? And more so, why even bother with telling me she loves me or even trying to justify or explain it to me? I mean I talked to the one guy for just under an hour! And he actually liked me, said we should go have a beer together sometime, but the point being, he told me that she was over there sleeping with him most every other night when she wasn't here with me. She also was telling him she loved him, wanted a future with him, the whole deal, EVERYTHING she was telling me at the same time! I swear it, I'm never going to understand the way some people's minds work.

[doyathink]

I honestly cant answer that. I may be way off with what I've said already. You know her, I dont.

 

Would you be open to just being her friend while she is in jail...maybe you can learn from her what all of this was. Listen when she starts to open up. Let her do the talking so that maybe you can understand what is going on in her head.....if she even knows. Of course she was going to lie to you about these men, she didn't want you to know....she knew she would lose you. And her trying to justify it is just a feeble attempt in keeping you.

[bdwiii]

Oh yeah, I'll listen to what she has to say, if she ever says it. But really, I'm to the point that even if I never hear from her again, it won't matter anymore if that makes any sense to you? Besides, how do I know that as soon as she got off the phone with me, she wasn't calling this other dude and telling him the same things? I mean she obviously wanted him enough to do him almost every night, why stop there? Yeah, I'm just a tad bitter and pissed off at this point, sorry. You know, I loved that girl madly, and yeah, this has all torn me to pieces, and most of me says just get on with your life, move on, and forget her. You got played, and who's to say it wouldn't ever happen again? But then there's another part of me that doesn't want to give up on her and dumb as it may sound, give it one more chance... I know, I'm insane huh?

[doyathink]

No your not insane, your in love....ewww....maybe those two things are closely related huh? lol

I dont blame you for being pissed...I would have exploded! I dont think I would give her a chance to explain.....well, maybe after a cooling off period. IDK! She may be the 'un dateable' kind of person who cant commit to a relationship...or she is immature. How old is she?

[bdwiii]

She's 21. Yeah, that may have a lot to do with it, but then again no, because I've known quite a few women at that age and they DIDN'T do this kinda of stuff at all. I really believe that if you love someone, then you WON'T hurt, lie, cheat, or do anything else to them like that. You just wouldn't and couldn't simply for the fact that you DO love them that much. But when you really don't love someone, and are just playing them or using them, then yeah, I can see that kind of devious behavior taking place.

[doyathink]

Well, you love this way and I love this way but not everyone does. I know from personal experience that some ppl dont know how to commit even tho they love you with all of their heart.

[bdwiii]

I agree. Well, you know what? I have to admit, that despite all of it, I still love her, and yeah, even though most that are reading this are going to say I'm a straight up FOOL for even entertaining the idea, if we could work this out and it WOULD work between us, I'd be willing to give it another chance. I've never felt this strongly about anyone in a very long time, and I'm not one who can just turn it all off like a light switch. I don't know how anyone does that. Sure, it'd be different if she were to say, "Yeah OK, you found out, and sorry, but I never did love you and I wanna be with this guy" Well then yeah, I'd be gone and never to be heard from again. But that's not what she said. I miss her so much right now. I'm sitting here alone in this empty apartment and it's dark and cold outside. The only sounds are of passing cars outside and the TV on in the other room.