So I think I'm over my ex...

[rockon83]

It's been 32 days of NC, and it took until around 4-5 days ago for me to stop hurting. I went to the gym yesterday for the first time in a month, I've been able to focus on my studies really well after not being able to at ALL for a long time, I've not been thinking too much about her, I've switched from listening to Abba (reminding me of taking her to Mamma Mia) back to Tool and other heavy music, etc.

 

I'm wondering if I bump into her now that I seem to be doing better, if I should continue NC, or talk to her for a few minutes, just to catch up and see how she is...

 

I'm wondering if... there's any harm to me in doing that, if it could cause me to become depressed again...

 

Also, even though I'm over her, I realize she's an amazing person, and would get back together with her if she wanted... So I'm wondering if doing so would affect the chances of her wanting to get back with me at all...

 

Then again, I'm wondering, even though I can tell I'm SO much better, if I'm even thinking about her possibly wanting to get back together - am I really over her?

[laboheme]

In short, if you're still harboring some hope of reconciliation, no, you're not over her. You seem to be making awfully good progress though!

 

It's hard to say how seeing her might affect you -- maybe it will set you back, maybe it won't. However, better to be prepared and expect it to set you back.

 

If you do run into her (and I'm assuming that it would be a complete and total accident, you wouldn't be actively hanging out somewhere where your chances of seeing her are higher than usual), I wouldn't turn around or walk away or anything...A brief exchange is okay, but make it snappy! Just a quick "Hi, how are you? I'm on my way to ___, gotta run." Don't let the conversation get far enough for her to tell you something that you might not be ready to hear.

 

Other than that, keep up what you're doing...It's all good!

[TheRedQueen]

You're not completely over her, and don't try to fool yourself into thinking you are.

 

I say continue what you're doing and do not break NC.

[finewhine]

Nope, you're not over her yet. But there's no shame in that! It's only been a month!

 

It sounds like you're doing great. Good job! You're healing!

 

Onto your questions:

 

1. If you bump into her, talk to her as little as possible, but talk to her. This may very well cause you to be depressed, but you're going to have to deal with it sometime.

 

2. Bumping into her will not affect your chances of getting back together with her. If she wants to, she wants to. If she doesn't, she doesn't. End of story.

 

3. Again, you're not over her since you still want to get back together with her. This is OK! However, I think an important part of the healing process is loving yourself, and you're not being very loving to yourself if you would take back someone who dumped you. I know a lot of people think otherwise, but I hold to it that you need to move forward in life. What, you're in college? There are PLENTY of women out there! No need to backpedal.

[rockon83]

Wow, lots of quick responses, thanks. I had the feeling I wasn't over her enough yet if I still thought about getting back together at all... For the last month, I was sure we'd get back together, thinking every time the phone rang it would be her, etc... Now I am 99.9% sure it's never going to happen.

 

I realize NC has helped until now, and should only continue to help, while talking to her - you never know, and thereforeeee it's better to stick to NC.

 

laboheme - "It's hard to say how seeing her might affect you": Truth is, I did run into her 1-1/2 weeks ago. It was dark out, I didn't notice her till we were just about walking by each other. I was walking with a friend. Just smiled and said hey, and kept going. It didn't feel weird at all. Of course I couldn't stop thinking about her for the next week, but that was already ongoing from before running into her.

[rockon83]

Well it's been 40 days....I'm thinking of purposely running into her tonight... keeping the conversation light, nothing bout us whatsoever, just to see how she feels... so she remembers i'm here, and can see how i can be when i'm not being all into her...that i'm doing great without her...

 

bad idea, right? well, in my head it makes sense for some reason, and i think i'm going to do it shortly... what do you think?

[whenamansloveisreal]

hmmm. if u are over her and she is over u - mind if i get her number and ask her for a rebound date? that's my specialty

[BONO]

hmmm. if u are over her and she is over u - mind if i get her number and ask her for a rebound date? that's my specialty

 

 

 

 

Scruff