I feel lost...where are all the great girls???

[messageman2323]

I don't know what my problem is? I am content with myself, but I feel so lonely at times. All I want is another long term relationship. Someone to be my best friend and someone to spend my life with.

 

I am handsome, young and intelligent. I am on the path to a good and exciting future career. I have enough money, a nice car, a nice place to live, a great family. I am active, in shape and very healthy. People tell me that I have a good personality and I know how to treat a woman right and I enjoy romance.

 

I am pretty shy going out to bars, clubs and parties where I only know 1-2 people. I try not to show it but I am sure it comes accross at some point. But once I know the person a little bit I am very outgoing and not shy at all. Actually a lot of people I just get to know say that I am not shy even though I feel that I am.

 

Sometimes I just want to stay home on the weekends because I get tired of going out late, drinking, spending $ and hoping to find a great girl.

 

Where are all these great single girls and why can't I find you???

 

-A Great Guy

[easy]

You should get a part time job on the weekends at a place that employs or deals with a lot of girls.

 

That way, you'll make a little money instead of spending it, you won't be drinking, and you'll have a fresh batch of targets every hour or so. You could date a co-worker, or make friends with one and have her set you up with some of her friends.

 

I've always wanted to get myself some pointless job like that just to meet different/random people/girls. Maybe when you do this, you can come back here and tell me about it so that I can experience it vicariously.

 

We could be friends and everything. What'd ya say?

[messageman2323]

Good idea easy. I should prob do that, except that I enjoy being able to leave town on the weekends and do what I want. But maybe I should change my priorities and put off the activities that I do so that I can meet a great woman. BTW I live in SF too. Just got home from the bars. A few cute girls, but nothing great.

[EvaGina]

we are in New Zealand

[TheRedQueen]

Most people suck, many people are okay, some people are good, and a fractional amount of people are great.

 

So where are all the "great girls"?

 

They're tucked away in the crevices, so I wish you the best of luck on your hunt.

[easy]

From what I've seen, the workplace is really great for dating... even though everyone usually advises against it.

 

I'd say... probably more than half of my acquaintances met their partners through work.

 

Going out of town is overrated. Getting laid... now that's where it's at.

[vermilion]

We're all in Virginia...maybe not.

 

They're not at the clubs and bars usually! (No offense to girls who go there..some girls are just as midirected....)

 

The job idea sounds good. Where do girls usually work? Clothing stores, bath/body/bed stores, coffee shops....

[messageman2323]

Ahhh I see. I think I discovered my problem. I don't work in the city even though I live here. So I never get to meet those cool career driven women in the workplace. Plus, where I work is 95% men (just the way the industry is) so I have no chance of meeting a great girl where I work

 

And Eva and Vermillion why do you have to be so far away ?

[Waber]

I think it goes for both sexes....good is hard to find....do what I do...looking for guys to meet. I joined the LATRI club or join a running club. Although still have not found anything there are lots of cool people which could then introduce you to a great girl.

[A James Z]

I am, or was, just like you. I have money, a supportive family, I will hopefully be in med school soon, and I have a lot of confidence in myself that I am a great guy any girl would be lucky to snag off the market. I am also shy, I get lonely without a steady girl around, and I feel awkward going up to girls I don’t know in bars I really don’t want to be in.

 

I think bars are a crappy place to met people anyway. I have met girls in bars that were really into me, gotten way too drunk, and have gone home with them. But afterward it feels all so cheap, and the girl I thought I liked that night just isn’t want I want for something long term.

 

What I find that works is making friends with as many girls as possible, especially girls of other races and backgrounds. My best friend dates a Brazilian girl. I became friends with her and she likes me a lot, so she feels comfortable introducing me to all her friends. I have dated several girls this way (all Brazilian) and even when things don’t work out she still knows other girls for me to date.

 

So, its great when you can met a girl for the first time, have a mutual friend, and not feel so much pressure to only make conversation with her, as all your friends are there in the same group.

 

The work idea is also good. I know many people that date their coworkers. But your situation is a little tricky. You might want to try tending bar. I know so many girls that go after bar tenders, its ridiculous. Try it for a month and see what happens. And if all else fails, if you’re as handsome as you say you are you should be banking with the tips!

 

I recently got lucky and reconnected with a girl that attended my same grade school. She is everything I was looking for, we have been dating now for a few months, and I am very happy.

 

I always get upset when relationships fail. Its like a personal blow if things don’t work out. I never felt with the Brazilian girls what I feel with my current girl friend. I kept wondering why I couldn’t find a great girl. Then I realized I wasn’t dating the right kind of girls for me. I sort of have this thing against American women. My first girlfriend was white, and the relationship was awful. I got turned off, and started exclusively dating Asian and Brazilian girls. But, Brazillians are all catholic, I am atheist, and things got a little tricky when the found out my views. Plus, the cultural difference led to a some misunderstandings, once about sexual stuff (which I wont go into), and that can often drive a wedge.

 

Maybe that’s your problem. How do you define great? It doesn’t matter how cute she is if she does not like what you do. When you go off for the weekend are there any girls there? If so, they must be interested in the same things as you.

 

In a bar its all up to chance. Even if you do meet someone you are really attracted to, you don’t want to ask all the personal questions up front. So, it may take a month or two to find out if they are right for you, and you have wasted all that time and possibly missed chances with other girls.

 

That’s why having a mutual friend is great, because you can know details and have an inside track to the girl before you meet. Plus, you will have tons to talk about because from your friend you have already found out the things she likes, and so on. Girls that already have boyfriends love to set their friends up with good guys, such as yourself. You could even try making better friends with your married coworkers in the aim of getting to know their spouses better.

 

I am 24, so basically everyone I know has a myspace account. This might sound weird, but i look through all the girls my friends know and pick out one based on her profile. Its like a dating service, really. Even if you are out with your friends and you happen to met the girl for a brief second, you can look her up online and start messaging that way. That gives her a chance you check out all the cute pictures you have posted of yourself, and she can also check out your interests and what not. This has worked for me several times.

 

I also have a cousin that teaches kickboxing at a local gym. He said he has tons of really cute women come for his workouts, and he makes friends with all of them. This would be a good guy to be friends with! He even told me that he sets his friends up with girls from the gym, but only if he knows they aren’t just out for some fun.

 

Start networking, and for now, try making some new friends. Join a gym, maybe tend bar on the weekends, and met as many new people, guys or girls, as you can. Then, set up a dinner party on the weekend for your new friends, girls love a guy that can cook! Or plan to meet your friends, who are bringing along your girl, for a drink at your favorite bar or club. Soon you will be meeting tons of great girls who have already been pre-filtered to meet your requirements and with whom you will be sure to have a lot in common.

 

Let me know what you think.

 

Good luck!

[TheRedQueen]

What I find that works is making friends with as many girls as possible, especially girls of other races and backgrounds.

Ugh, what the hell is that supposed to mean?

[A James Z]

Youre welcome to your opinion. But in my experience its what conclusion I have drawn.

[TheRedQueen]

Yeah you're right, why would anyone want to start a relationship with someone who actually speaks their own language.

 

Being able to communicate with your partner is like, so overrated.

[Momene]

I don't want to get drawn into any arguments on this one. I don't find a problem with American girls when I visit the US, not that I'm on the market.

 

I think if you're open-minded enough to date/marry outside your own race/nationality, it opens up a lot more potential partners. This doesn't mean I wouldn't have married an English girl on principle, I just dindn't meet the right one at the right time. I married a Chilean and we have a great daughter.

[SexySadie7]

Wow.. now we are targets??? "you'll have a fresh batch of targets every hour or so"

Well. what do you want for someone who says this also..."getting laid..now that's where it's at!"

[A James Z]

Dont attack me because you have a different opinion. Especially “TheRedQueen.” LOL. How bitter are you? I have never dated anyone that I could not communicate with. Most of the Brazilian girls I have been with have lived in America for a year or two, but they are still studying English. When there are few opportunities to practice language outside their class or with their Brazilian friends, the language becomes harder to pick up. So, dating an American guy can help them improve their grammar and vocab. But I don’t expect you to comprehend the dynamics to learning another language, youre just a dumb American, right?

 

My first girlfriend was American. I love to cook, and I cooked many meals for her. Once I told her it would be nice if she would cook a meal for me, because my roommate who had an ethnic girlfriend would cook him meals all the time. When she heard this she got upset and acted like I asked her something outlandish.

 

There are tons of American girls that have class and will do nice things for their boyfriends, I am sure of it. But I need more than that. I want diversity. I am half Persian, and I thank god my cultural background is diverse and I have had many more opportunities and experience than if I were only white. Many of my white friends tell me how they are jealous they don’t have a cultural food or any sort of culture or heritage to drawn upon.

 

America is static. Our food traditions are rooted in fast food. Travel to another country and see what I mean. Most of the “American” restaurants you will find abroad are McDonalds, Pizza Hut, and Burger King. The world is big, and I don’t tolerate ignorance of it. When I date someone I want to learn something new.

 

If they are from another country, I want them to help me learn their language too. I have quite a vocabulary in Portuguese now, and I have traveled to Brazil several times. When I go to the Asian market with my girlfriend, she can tell me all about her food, which I find totally strange and fascinating. I will literally eat anything, and I take great joy in all the different foods I have tried. For example, one of my best friends is Filipino and she had me try Balut, a hard boiled duck fetus. It was strange, but so exciting to eat. How would I have an experience like this if I only maintained friendships with white people who turn their noses up at anything different than what their Christian, cookie-cutter culture dictates to them?

 

I dont know if SexySadie's comment was directed at me, but as you can see I have a strong interest in the culture and traditions of the countries my girls are from, which goes far beyond just looking for sex. That’s a pretty ignorant comment. When I dated a Thai girl she taught me how to cook Thai food and I tried to learn her language. Did we have sex? Of course we did, but our relationship was on a much higher level than just sex, give me a break.

 

 

The reason I took so much time to respond in this post is to illustrate a point. To the original poster: to me the great girls are diverse, exciting, and provide an element of the unknown that really spices up the relationship. By dating a foreign girl you learn more about the world and pick up experience you would not typically have. That is how I define a “great girl.”

 

 

But please don’t take what I am saying as me being raciest against white people. I still have friendships with white people and I have dated several white girls in my past. I wont turn down a friendship or a date based on my general opinion of Americans. But I typically find I am right in most of the assumptions I have made.

 

These are my opinions. Don’t listen to them if you don’t agree. I don’t care if you are bitter RedQueen, but you might want to change your attitude incase you are wondering why you cant find a decent man…

[Iceman26]

How would I have an experience like this if I only maintained friendships with white people who turn their noses up at anything different than what their Christian, cookie-cutter culture dictates to them?

 

 

You seem to be drawing your conclusions on Americans on a somewhat limited focus group here.

 

I know plenty of Americans that:

A) Aren't white

B) Enjoy foods and customs from other cultures and travel to other countries

C) Aren't Christians

D) Know their ancestry and participate in celebrations of their heritage.

 

I'd like to point out that from such a widely traveled and culturally diverse person you seem to be a bit biased against white people. Have you never been to Europe?

[A James Z]

I have been to Europe 3 times and lived in London for 4 months.

 

I am basing my opinion off the white Americans I met at my university, throughout my time in college. I live in the South, and I have met many “rural” people that have no desire to experience anything greater than their hometown. When I dated girls in college I would often try to get them interested in the same things as me, but most would not budge. Some of them would not even TRY something new.

 

I am white. If you looked at me you would think I am just a normal white American guy. But my father is Persian and I grew up in a Persian home, around my Persian cousins, and I am proud of my heritage. My best friend is half Brazilian. He is also proud of his heritage and married a girl from Brazil.

 

But I know plenty of people who are not half anything. They are comfortable living a life style of pizza, hamburgers, and French fries and wont try anything new. I have met plenty of people like this, who turn their noses up at anything different.

 

I also have a “white” friend that saved his money for a year and traveled the world. I look up to this friend, and I think he is someone great to know. My problem is with all the people that dont care to travel, that dont care to try new food or have new experiences. Everyone can live their life the way they want. But for me, I would rather learn something new from a relationship than struggle with the fact that I must limit my own interest in the aim on satisfying someone else’s lack there of.

 

I love American people that want to travel and gain greater knowledge of other food and culture. If I ever have a friend say to me, "I want to try some Persian food." I would take the entire day to prepare my favorite foods for them with out any hesitation. And by the way, I am a great Persian cook. Any American who has their passport and loves to travel is a friend of mine.

 

And to give you even more perspective of my dating philosophy, I have since stopped dating Brazilian girls for their lack of willingness to try new things. Many only liked Brazilian things, and would turn up their nose at other foods such as Asian, which I absolutely love. Plus, many of them are Catholic, and their views would always conflict with mine.

 

I am not a Christian, but something like 95% of Americans are. They are blinded by a domineering society that plunges their minds into darkness about the scientific reality of the world. Go to Europe and see how people live. They are much more liberal and socialist than this country. They might have respect for religion and honor their past, but few of their population continue to take Christianity seriously. I feel sorry for religious people, and I will never date another Christian.

 

Although I choose not to date any more Brazilians, thats not to say if I become single again and I meet a really nice Brazilian girl that loves to travel, shares my same interests, and is atheist I would not date her. And that goes for American girls too. I am looking for well rounded, open minded people that want to experience new things.

 

But I will look down at anyone that allows their religious philosophies and oppressed societal views to limit their greater understanding of the world and impede the diversification of their life-experience.

[DN]

Thread closed for flaming