I did it.

[ImThatGirl]

I know I've said this before. I'm pretty sure it's in black and white this time.

 

I told him it's over. I told him I don't want to be a part of this (not good relationship) anymore.

 

Right now, I feel confident that I'm on the road to getting back to good - getting back to the happy, confident, positive person I used to be.

 

Time and time again, he and I have had talks. I've told him what I need. He's apologized, said he loves me and wants nothing more than to be with me.

 

His words and actions (lack of actions) speak louder than those little promises. I'm tired of allowing grey areas. Either he wants to be with me and treats me well or I will move on with my happy life.

 

Thank you for all the support, encouragement and advice everyone. I will try to not be sappy and upset about this. I know this is a good thing. I just have to stand my grounds and move on.

 

Thank you much! Hugs to you all! I'll be checking in frequently!

[Daligal83]

Hey, I've read a few of your threads, but I don't know the whole story. I just wanted to say congrats! It's hard to get out of that cycle when you're in a bad relationship, so you should be proud that you've done it!

[sjv119]

It's better now than later.

 

You can't waste your time anymore.

[ImThatGirl]

Thank you both. I am praying that sadness doesn't hit me hard quickly. Thank you.

[blender]

It will be an ebb and flow, of "sadness", due to breaking the habit and missing what you "thought" could be, and then "self empowerment" realizing and accepting what actually "was" with him, and now you're on the road to getting your sense of self back. Just know that you will have some days where you cry over this, and it's okay, we just have to be sad sometimes, but if you are crossing this bridge so you can live within your values/standards regarding your own heart, then it's the right thing to do.. and the right thing to do is sometimes the toughest thing to do... Congratulations on taking this step, now don't look back, if he wants to "rise to the occasion" he has to make an intentional loving effort to try again as a couple..

[rocio]

You have known that the relationship should end for a while. You don't need someone who is constantly criticizing you. You should have someone who inspires you. Now you just have to follow through and resist the urge to take him back (the hardest part, I know).

[Survictor]

I think you should not see him or discuss his feelings and his needs right now and focus on your feelings and your needs. He owes you that. You owe you that.

[ImThatGirl]

Just checking in. Thank you, thank you, thank you everyone!

 

I agree with you all!

 

One short cry earlier - then I made myself get in the shower and get busy. I don't think I'm gonna miss him. It's just a shock - breaking a habit.

 

Went out and got a new shirt - curled my hair for this little party my family is having tonight and lookinnnnn goooood. lol (I'm so not egotistical.)

 

I'm gonna make it. I know I will. Thank you for all your shoulders!

[Ellie2006]

ITG, I wanted to chime in and say, I know it was a difficult decision but perhaps it was the right one for you ...

Yes, we're here for you if you need us!

Take care and hope you and your lovely family have a great time at the party!

[ImThatGirl]

I had no idea how hard this would be.

 

I haven't heard from him. I called him several times last night. Stupid, I know. No answer. Fortunately. That was my one "fall down" allowed.

 

I miss him. Didn't think I would. I'm trying to continuously think of why this is the way it has to be.

[Ellie2006]

I had no idea how hard this would be.

 

I haven't heard from him. I called him several times last night. Stupid, I know. No answer. Fortunately. That was my one "fall down" allowed.

 

I miss him. Didn't think I would. I'm trying to continuously think of why this is the way it has to be.

 

Hey ITG,

 

Sorry you're having a hard time right now

But of course, you miss him; you love him.

You probably know this already but just bc we love someone, it doesn't mean we should be w/ or we end up w/ that someone (unless that person is as willing as we are to putting in 100% to making the relatioship work).

Argh. Breakups suck

 

Hang in there ITG.

 

Sending a great big bear hug your way,

Ellie 1:

[bigheart09]

ImThatGirl, stay strong! My ex just broke up with me and I know it is for the best. I am having my good moments and bad ones. If you need someone to talk to, please feel free to pm me.

[supernetter]

Sometimes the heart betrays the mind but have firm resolve. Action does speak louder than words and so after all those talks and empty promises things have not changed, it is really time to move on. Do not put blame.

[ImThatGirl]

Thank you all. I think what hurts the most is that I may never hear from him again. Right now I'm feeling like I would rather put up with the shortgivings than be alone. I forgot how hard it is to get through a break up. It's been a long time since I experienced it.

 

I know I'll make it - just like the rest of you will. That's our only option, right?

 

I'm going to read through my journal sometime soon and hopefully that will give me the strength to remember that our relationship wasn't a good one.

 

Hugs to you all!

[bigheart09]

Do you think if you started talking to your ex again, that he would get back together with you?

[rocio]

Thank you all. I think what hurts the most is that I may never hear from him again. Right now I'm feeling like I would rather put up with the shortgivings than be alone.

 

Putting up with the shortcomings would be permanent. Being alone is temporary.

 

But still, isn't it awful when, every time the phone rings, you secretly wish that it's him? Well, I don't know about you... but i've been doing that lately.

 

Hope things get easier for you..

[ImThatGirl]

Do you think if you started talking to your ex again, that he would get back together with you?

 

 

Not sure if I confessed prior to this post. Saturday night, I called him a few times. And yesterday, I sent him a couple text messages and called him twice. No response.

 

Yesterday was my "day to adjust and fail" day.

 

As far as your question, I have no idea. I think I'll most likely never hear from him again. I'm pretty sure he does well at turning feelings on and off when necessary.

[ImThatGirl]

Putting up with the shortcomings would be permanent. Being alone is temporary.

 

But still, isn't it awful when, every time the phone rings, you secretly wish that it's him? Well, I don't know about you... but i've been doing that lately.

 

Hope things get easier for you..

 

 

Thank you, Hazey..

 

You know for the couple of years that I was single, I never felt "lonely" or like I was "alone." I know I'll get to that point again.

 

And yes, it is awful - phone ringing, email notification, text msg, hopes that it could be him.

For me, there's only small hope - to really hope would be completely unrealistic. I'm pretty sure that he's done with me. (Which I guess is a good thing.)

[ImThatGirl]

A quick thought - Is this weird?

 

I couldn't bring myself to change my "Myspace" status to "single." I couldn't bring myself to taking his pictures off.

 

I think I'm having some trouble completely letting go. I don't want him to think that I just determined it was over and forgot all about him?

[bigheart09]

Well, if you were the one who broke it off, then that is why he is not answering. His pride is probably wounded. Guys are very good at putting their focus elsewhere and staying busy. Girls are better at analyzing their feelings and then getting over things. In my experience, that is why the guys realize they made a mistake months after the fact.

[ImThatGirl]

There are things he will probably call me about eventually.

 

He bought some things for my kids for Christmas and has ordered other items for them for Christmas. Not sure if he'll still want them to have those or if he'll return them.

 

He brought his Christmas Tree to our place. I'll have to schedule for him to pick it up at some point (After Christmas.)

 

I made it clear in my text messages yesterday that I wasn't happy about everything. I refuse to beg him to talk to me. I said my piece and now I must go on... But the little things (like myspace,) I won't change for awhile. A little bit at a time.

[bigheart09]

I made it clear in my text messages yesterday that I wasn't happy about everything. I refuse to beg him to talk to me. I said my piece and now I must go on... But the little things (like myspace,) I won't change for awhile. A little bit at a time.

 

I think that is the best thing you can do for yourself. A little bit at a time.

Begging is definitely not a good thing. I am having a difficult time right now at work. My mind keeps wandering and I keep analyzing every conversation we had in the past couple of days. The sad thing is that I should be helping him get through his grief not worrying about my own.

[ImThatGirl]

But, Bigheart - you can't even help him through his if he's making it unclear whether you helping him is welcome or not?

 

I am having a bit of trouble focusing too. But I have been for a few weeks. Read through my thread here and also old emails from him. He was angry with me more than he was happy with me.

 

Maybe it's the "hopes" I was clinging onto that I miss the most.

[bigheart09]

But, Bigheart - you can't even help him through his if he's making it unclear whether you helping him is welcome or not?

 

I know that regret is a wasted emotion. But I do regret that he thinks I wasnt there for him.

 

I am having a bit of trouble focusing too. But I have been for a few weeks. Read through my thread here and also old emails from him. He was angry with me more than he was happy with me.

 

I did read through some of them and it does seem like you were in an emotional rollercoaster. Of course, when children are involved, there is so much more to consider than your own feelings. It looks like you did the right thing by breaking up with him.

 

Maybe it's the "hopes" I was clinging onto that I miss the most.

 

I totally understand that. I keep thinking about all the good things we did together and the "hope" of a good relationship.

[ImThatGirl]

I completely understand regret. I bailed on J in a time that he needed support the most. (ie - baby in 10 days) But also a time that he needs to focus and set priorities. I feel that me being out of his life will give him a time to really focus and meet new priorities.

 

My son mentioned him last night. We were on our way home and it was too late for having visits from friends. He assumed J would be there. He said "But J is boring!" I told him it would only be he and I and we'd play together for a bit. (My daughter is at her dad's.) I'm not proud that I've subjected my children to this but I do know that we will all succeed at getting over this. J was never really into getting down and playing or anything. He and my kids had a distance between them. My kids will notice his absense but will not have a hard time because we will be so busy enjoying each other.

 

There aren't too many good things to reflect on. Co-existence. That was the main thing that I found I was hanging onto. Along with hopes of a future and hopes that things would get better. Holding onto the few good times we had but they were far and few..