Where is this going??? **CONFUSED**

[jh1581]

I'm 25 years old and have been seeing this great guy for about a month and a half now. He's in dental school with me (he's actually in a residency program) and I met him at the beginning of the school year. We have TONS in common, have an amazing time with each other, and spend almost every day and night together (he brought some of his things to my apartment and I have some of mine at his). After the first few days we spent together, he cut off the three girls he was casually dating because of me and even told his mother and friends from L.A. about me. He told me that before we met, he wasn't looking for a relationship... but now that he met me, he's open to seeing what could happen between us.

 

He's told me things like "seems like you're perfect", "I'm falling for you more and more everyday", and has said that I have everything that he wants in someone, even down to the physical features. He even mentioned possibly moving in together after our leases are up to save money if I'm going to be around (I graduate from dental school this May). When he went to a party where he could have been with other girls who obviously are interested in him, he left the party and called me, wanting me to come over, saying he wanted to see me instead. When I got there, he told me that he "didn't realize until now how bad he has it for me." He's originally from L.A. and even invited me home with him for Thanksgiving, but he ended up going to Florida with some friends, so I'm going to see him over Christmas instead and meet his family. When he was in Florida with his friends, he called me and texted me, and said that the reason he came back early was because he missed me which is strange for him because he doesn't usually miss people. Sounds like everything's great, right?

 

Well, in the last week, he's brought up twice how he "doesn't know about us." He says that he doesn't know if we could be together longterm. He asked me if I thought so and I told him that anything's possible and that I have no reason not to think so at this point. He said at this moment, he doesn't know if he's ready for a serious relationship because he dated someone for about a year before he moved out here and was really hurt because she did him wrong after they broke up. That was over 7 months ago. He says he's over it, but it took him 4 months to heal and he doesn't want to get his heart broken again. He also said another factor is that he's from L.A. and I'm from North Carolina and even though he's going to be in this state for another 2 1/2 years, he doesn't know where he's going to be and doesn't know where I'm going to be afterwards. He said he's still open to seeing what could happen, but wants to just "date and have fun" right now. He said he can only speak for how he feels today, but doesn't know how he might feel next week, or next month, or at any point down the road.

 

It actually upset me to hear him say that because I feel sort of misled from all the things he's said before. Is he just saying all this now because he's scared of how he's feeling about me? I feel bad because I don't want to get hurt either, but I let my guard down with him and have already starting to become emotionally involved and I felt like he had too, until now. Is his reaction normal from a guy? Why does he want me to come to L.A. and meet his family and friends if he just wants to "have fun" with me? I feel awkward inside because I can't stop thinking about our conversation. Should I back off and put space between us, or go on and see what's could happen?

[sparkle1]

He is unable to take responsibility and is probably feeling that if he falls in love with you and gets into a long term relationship he may potentially a) get hurt again and b) miss out on dating other girls.

 

his feelings sound very strong and maybe he is simply feeling overwhelmed. Some people cling on for dear life when this happens - others try and distance themselves and protect.

 

I don't think you have anything to worry about - but he does need to know how you are feeling. maybe you opening up to him will make him realise you have very strong feelings for him too - and thereforeeee he may feel more assured by the relationship,

 

IS the relationship one sided in terms of him telling you constantly how you feel and you not being as open?

 

Sparkle xx

[itsallgrand]

Okay. A little perspective.

 

You have been seeing him 1 month and a half.

Yes, I'm sure it seems like a long time, with a lot of emotions.

 

How long does it take to get to know a person for you? Do you think it can happen in 2 months-ish? Honest question.

 

I would give him the space he is asking for. Go to L.A. as a casual date? Well, that is your call. I know what I would do though.

 

This is much too early for him to be freaking and pulling the rug from beneath you, IMO. It would cause me to take a step back, as he is suggesting, and reconsider.

 

My answer would be different if he was saying this from a firm foundation of a solid relationship. But yall are still getting to know each other and where you stand. He seems unsure, and not ready.

 

But, what do you think? What you figure is going on here? How deep are you in with this guy right now?

[jh1581]

I'm actually VERY open with him. He says that's one of the things he likes about me is that I'm open and very very affectionate. I asked him if he felt like he was missing out on sleeping with/dating/seeing other people and he said that it's not that at all. He said that he would MUCH rather be intimate with me and spend time with me than with some random girl. I asked him if he could spend time with someone and not become emotionally involved and he said "yes." He said after months and months, of course he would, but in the beginning, not if he tells himself that it's not going to be anything. I asked him if he's told himself that it's not going to be anything with me and he said, "No, he doesn't know what's going to happen with us." I felt really uncomfortable after the conversation and went home because I felt like I was gonna cry and didn't want to do it in front of him. He had fallen asleep at his house but called me wanting me to come back.

 

How am I supposed to interpret his actions since I've been with him versus what he's said in these recent conversations? Is he just freaked out by the possibility of us getting serious? Should I just go with the flow and not worry?

 

Thanks so much for any advice.

[jh1581]

That's the thing that I don't understand...it's like he doesn't WANT space from me. I've told him that maybe we should give each other space but he basically he doesn't want anything to change. I agree that it takes MUCH more than a month and a half to get to know someone, but I guess I see potential in where this could go...at least until now anyway. He tells me he just "wants to let me know...wants to be honest with me."

 

Yes his level of uncertainty makes me uncomfortable, but he still says he doesn't want to see anyone else but me and his actions are the same as they've always been. So I honestly have NO idea what is going on with him.

[sparkle1]

Maybe he is testing the waters? Testing to see how much you do really care?

[itsallgrand]

That's the thing that I don't understand...it's like he doesn't WANT space from me. I've told him that maybe we should give each other space but he basically he doesn't want anything to change. I agree that it takes MUCH more than a month and a half to get to know someone, but I guess I see potential in where this could go...at least until now anyway. He tells me he just "wants to let me know...wants to be honest with me."

 

Yes his level of uncertainty makes me uncomfortable, but he still says he doesn't want to see anyone else but me and his actions are the same as they've always been. So I honestly have NO idea what is going on with him.

 

Well, if you feel like you can handle it and it is worth it to you, just ride this out. It could pay off, or it could hurt. It's a leap of faith for you.

 

It's nothing more than his own insecurity and immaturity. Sorry, but that is so. Not necessarily a horribly bad thing, as we all got em, but his are being exposed early. He's laying it out there for you.

 

The possibility exists that he could hurt you - he is warning you of that - so, I guess the question would be "Are you willing to stick this out and see where it goes now, given that he is telling you he is scared? Do you think you can handle it and that it can be worked through?"

 

It's a tough situation. This is the place I'd be taking out the old notebook and writing objective Pros and Cons to get an objective looky.

 

No matter what though: don't you freak out. lol. Stay strong and make this choice with your eyes open.

 

Good luck. I hope it turns out well for you.