past boyfriends

[confuzedboy89]

Should what a girl "did" with her ex be held against her? All i can think about is about what her and her old boyfriend did and all the fun they had and how they held and kissed each other in public. should i be more rational and just let that stuff go?. Do girls compare thier new boyfriend to thier ex-boyfriends? What is a good amount of time to let a girl be after a deep relationship?

[tictactoe2006]

Well, the thing is, almost everyoe you date will have dated other people in the past. Just focus on the stuff that you and her are doing TOGETHER. The only time I would sweat it is, if you keep hearing about a certian exx over and over.

 

Best of luck.

[Mythical_Suicide]

definitely let it go early on in your relationship otherwise it will mess the relationship up. I worried myself crazy over the stuff my bf did with his ex's the first year or so we were together and then one day I realized, whats in the past is just that the past he can't go back and change it no matter how much he tries, its always going to be with so I can give up the guy I care for because of his past or I can move on from it.

[Jayar]

Definitely not... And you will see, as you get older, anyone you meet WITHOUT a past very likely has something wrong with them. So relax.

 

I certainly hope my next boyfriend doesn't hold it against me the way I felt about my ex and the things we did. Because NOTHING we did together makes my relationship with a new guy any less special.

[locolady]

hmmmm everyone is different and i cant tell you a time scale but it is a good idea to have some break in between relationships. Some people think about an ex a lot for a long time, others are more quickly able to separate it as the past.

 

Although its natural to compare people and relationships - even yours to someone elses as well as a recent one to an old one, in my experience its just a passing thought or a kind of unspoken feeling - and youre unlikely to come out negatively! i would never (nor have any of my friends) actually sat down and thought through a comparison between men. there is a reason she didnt work out with her ex - and she;s with you now. Try not to worry and just enjoy the time you have together, life is a series of new experiences, you make new memories all the time, it doesnt mean one thing is better or worse or can erase the past - its just that things move on and change.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

You are going to drive yourself crazy thinking that way. She has a right to her past and not to be judged by anyone about it, just as you do man.

 

How long depends on the maturity of the girl, if she's constantly talking about her ex, she's probably using you to work through her issues with him. If she's like "meh.... it's over and that sucked, but I'm living my life on my terms" then I'd say she's fair game.

[lifeiscash]

In all honesty, not sure if this is the right way to go.. but it is my way, that at the beginning of dating a chick I tend to be more selfish in my way of thinking. In other words, I don't necessarily focus on her and her needs but that of my own. That way I don't tend to think about what all she has done in the past and instead only emphasis if she is doing enough to keep my interest. Factually, it doesn't matter about who and what she has done before you, but if you are satisfied with your current status by allowing her to be part of your reality and experiences.

 

From what I know, all girls compare ex boyfriend and boyfriends. But as that thought can be your enemy, it can also be your best friend. Don't see it as a negative aspect but a positive, in that she most likely will love how you do things differently then a previous dude or whatever.

 

When dating a chick with a previous boyfriend, I determine how long the last relationship was to see if I want to date her. The longer the time together with her past relationship, the longer I want her response for time being spent single to be when being answered. Of course not as long or doesn't have to be near.. but a good enough idea that I'm not being used as a desperate plea of attatchment or a good rebound canidate.

[shes2smart]

The older you get the less likely it's going to be that you find someone who doesn't have an ex or 2 or 10 in their past. Heck, by the time you get to be my age the question isn't "Do they have baggage?" it's "How much baggage do they have?" and "Does it compliment mine?"

 

Instead of focusing on what she may have done or not done in the past, try focusing on who she is NOW and where she is NOW (with you.) No matter how much you obsess, ruminate, ponder, think over or fixate on what happened, there's absolutely nothing you can do to change past events. You will just cause yourself more problems if you do. To quote one of my favorite sayings, "Even the Almighty God cannot change the past."

 

Finally, always keep in mind that there's usually a reason why the previous bf is an EX.

[Anna.]

Should what a girl "did" with her ex be held against her?

 

Please don't. I'm gonna be honest. Any man that can't deal with my past (in general and as far as relationships go), can take a hike.

 

My mother always said never let a man judge you by your past and I don't.

 

But that also means I can't judge his. My bf and I let the past lie as it is. We talk about it, but never hold anything against each other. I wasn't with him then and I don't care what he did or who he did it with.

[Momene]

The amount you think about an ex depends on whether you wanted the split or not. Dumpees often take ages to get over an ex, while dumpers just start off with someone new right away, or before they do the dumping.

[shep88ner]

this is something that kills me with my current girlfriend. i ask myself the same exact question. everytime i hear about her with any of her exes, the kissing, the holding, the fun times...all that, it just makes me want to throw up. but although i hate the fact that she used to do stuff with other guys, ive learned to just try to block it out. i dont hold it against her, i mean, she didnt know me, i didnt know her...it's all over with and it's done.

 

i try to focus on the here and now. just try to look at it like, she's with you now, she sees something in YOU that she really likes. the past doesnt matter anymore because there is nothing that anyone can do to change it. so dont hold it against her. just tell her that you'd rather not hear about it and try to focus on the fun times she has now, and focus on the kissing and holding that YOU'RE doing now. you're the only one with that privilage now. and you never know, the stuff she does with you, some other guy down the line may look back and hate the fact that you did stuff with her.