Why Do Men Bother With Relationships

[caro33]

Maybe the point can at least be taken that it's not all beer and skittles for men either.

 

How about all the guys who post on this forum lamenting the fact that women don't like 'nice guys'?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

 

How about all the guys who post on this forum lamenting the fact that women don't like 'nice guys'?

 

Have you seen this forum by chance? That one's done about every week or so.

 

Also I'll have to correct you there, it's not a 'fact' that women don't like nice guys, it's merely supposition, or perhaps occasionally a sympathy ploy.

[melrich]

But I think we're talking about men and women here who are still single, and have not yet met someone to start a family with.

 

Oh are we. I didn't see that definition posted anywhere. I must admit I was only responding to the last post and that statement. I did not realise the "men" referred to had been previously defined.

 

That isn't necessarily an indication that men face more pressure but could simply mean that men can't handle pressure as well.

 

Pressure/stress is not about the issue. It is about the impact it has on the individual. I totally agree that generally men do not handle the pressures as well as women, women tend to be more in touch with their emotions and as I said before do not tend to define themselves as narrowly as men.

 

But it is not the thing causing the pressure that is the problem. It is the pressure felt and the suicide rate is indicative of that.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

But it is not the thing causing the pressure that is the problem. It is the pressure felt and the suicide rate is indicative of that.

 

Maybe men are more used to things being easier for them (for instance the dollar they average for every seventy-two cents we make), so when things go wrong they just can't deal with it?

[melrich]

Maybe men are more used to things being easier for them (for instance the dollar they average for every seventy-two cents I make), so when things go wrong they just can't deal with it?

 

Whatever.

 

Look I just had an issue with a poster saying that the pressures felt by women were 10 times greater than those felt by men. I didn't feel that was appropriate to let stand and I didn't think that I would be called to defend my objection in which I said I would not presume the pressures on one gender to be greater than the pressures on the other.

 

I think you have belted me down on it enough. I'll leave it to you guys to continue your debate.

 

Thanks.

[caro33]

Have you seen this forum by chance? That one's done about every week or so.

 

Also I'll have to correct you there, it's not a 'fact' that women don't like nice guys, it's merely supposition, or perhaps occasionally a sympathy ploy.

 

Umm, re your first point, that's what I meant. Guys feel the pain too, and yes perhaps sometimes it's a sympathy ploy, but it's also what a number of people perceive as truth.

 

Leading from that, I also didn't mean it was a fact, I meant a perceived fact, just like the perceived fact of this thread that men don't have any cause to bother with relationships. Thank you for the correction.

 

IATBFMC it appears that you are keen to paint men as having it easy. You may not mean to but your style of debating does sometimes look that way. I am as feminist as anyone but still recognise that men are not all the same, and also that men experience pain and emotional suffering, and also that many men require love and intimacy. Debating whether women could deal with the same stressors better, or whether women get the worse deal in life seems to me to be a little beside the point.

 

Why are we engaging in such sweeping generalisations when it doesn't actually help anything?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Caro, you need to stop making such broad statements about what I'm keen on when in reality you have no clue what I'm about. You may at your leisure go back and read more of my posts. I'm quite fair to both sexes.

 

While we're at it though, perhaps you are not as aware of the inequalities that women in many cultures have historically faced and still do to this day as you could be.

[caro33]

Caro, you need to stop making such broad statements about what I'm keen on when in reality you have no clue what I'm about. You may at your leisure go back and read more of my posts. I'm quite fair to both sexes.

 

While we're at it though, perhaps you are not as aware of the inequalities that women in many cultures have historically faced and still do to this day as you could be.

 

*sigh* I just said that that's what it LOOKED like. Here, I will go back to my post and add 'appear' so that there can be no doubt what I am saying.

 

I'm pretty much done with this thread. But I do ask you how having the above 'debate' is constructive or how it helps people who are feeling bad about men in general.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Fair enough..

 

I'm pretty much done with this thread. But I do ask you how having the above 'debate' is constructive or how it helps people who are feeling bad about men in general.

 

Well gee, I suppose I could ask you the same

[caro33]

Fair enough..

 

 

 

Well gee, I suppose I could ask you the same

 

 

I guess I'd thought it was reasonably clear from what I posted that I don't think it's constructive. See you around.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I guess I'd thought it was reasonably clear from what I posted that I don't think it's constructive. See you around.

 

And neither do I, which makes me wonder why you're an active participant? But yeah, stop that, and we'll see ya!

[Jersey Shortie]

Both sexes face enourmous pressures and I would never argue which faces more. But I can tell you that it is simply trite to say women face 10 times the pressure to perform in their roles than men do.

 

 

Umm. I understand that both sexes feel presssures and I wasn't down-playing that. The 10 times pressure was in reference to looks and physical apperance, which was what that person was talking about when I replied to them. Women feel more pressure about their physical looks then guys ever will.

[melrich]

Women feel more pressure about their physical looks then guys ever will.

 

I think generally that would be true.

[Dako]

Men have relationships to be with someone they adore.

As far as the social observations about who suffers or benefits more, that's a little tough to generalize.

 

Every relationship I had ended with me at the curb, but I don't inflate that into a condemnation of all women.

 

All I know is that melrich is a brave fellow.

[ForAnother]

So you don't expect anything from the women you date or have relationships with? And you can't deal with it if someone "expects"something from you??

 

What I expect is love and be loved in return. Expecting a gift for my birthday I could care less about. A simple "hi" does wonders to me compared to what concert tickets to my favorite band could be.

 

So gift-wise, I expect nothing. If a girl were to get me a gift, I'd prefer it be a card with something simple on the front and maybe a cute poem or some cute quote on the inside. Buying me things doesn't make me feel special at all... and I suppose I never understood why anyone felt good when someone bought them something. Sure its kind, but was it really hard to go to a store and buy it? I think it takes more thought to write something down on a card, than it does to make money and buy something they subtley hinted at to you in a conversation.

 

Women feel more pressure about their physical looks then guys ever will.

 

The guys I know worry about their looks a lot. I think that women (this is a generalization) tend to verbalize their insecurities more.

 

Best thing written was back i think on the second page. America is a taboo society. We love weird different things, and tend to overexagerrate the weird nuances to be "cool." Drinking/drugs/pornography/rap are much much much more downplayed in the couple of countries I have visited in Europe. They are less concerned about image, and more concerned about personal well-being.

 

-ForAnother

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Men may worry about their looks a lot, but honestly based on the amount of time that men spend fixing themselves up, working on their bodies and the amount of money men spend on clothes, hair, makeup, accessories and other physical enhancements (time and money), I'd say it's not nearly as much as women. But I do think that a lot of men out there should at least seriously consider eating a salad now and then. Oops did I just make a generalisation? Voice an opinion? I feel pretty bad about that.

[Dako]

I had stir fried veggies for dinner and weigh the same I did 30 years ago.

I've only worn makeup once, when I was in drag, and my accessory is a built-in.

It's so easy being a guy.

I love it.

[doyathink]

hi guys. boy, did this get ugly.

 

Reading all of this really makes no since....

 

men and women are more alike than most want to admit.

we both feel pain the same.

This is more of a individual thing than it is a gender thing.....

Make peace not war!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

I had stir fried veggies for dinner and weigh the same I did 30 years ago.

I've only worn makeup once, when I was in drag, and my accessory is a built-in.

It's so easy being a guy.

I love it.

 

Fair enough. A few veggies never hurt anyone. Nor did a good ol' hamburger, but some (lots of) people I've known could learn a little word called 'moderation'. It won't kill ya gents.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

hi guys. boy, did this get ugly.

 

Reading all of this really makes no since....

 

men and women are more alike than most want to admit.

we both feel pain the same.

This is more of a individual thing than it is a gender thing.....

Make peace not war!

 

It's just a healthy debate, people voicing opinions as with the entire website...

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Hmmm, but anyway, back to the original poster's conflict:

 

 

 

I at times have felt like you do, Jersey Shortie, and I'm telling you that you're not alone. I too don't feel the need to go to clubs and talk to lots of men and go online and look at pictures of many different men, nor do I feel any desire whatsoever to have sex with lots of different men. One will do for me! I'm the commitment type girl indeed. And I've been in situations where I've been involved with the very sorts of men you describe. This has led me to believe that modern society is doing a number on its people, as men from older generations (my grandfather being an excellent example) seem (or appear to be, lest I invoke anyone's rage) to be less likely to do all of the aforementioned things. I must make a disclaimer here and say no, I can't state this as fact, I state this as opinion. Again, this is to ward off any possible attacks.

 

So many times I've wanted to throw in the towel, Jersey Shortie, and say, "All men are the same!"

 

But no, I definitely can't say that all men are the same, by any means. There seems to be some with their heads on straight on this site, so maybe there's hope afterall for you. Like someone else on this thread said, men have emotional needs and the desire to be loved and cared for too. Then, of course, there's many who don't. Perhaps it's because they're scared to. Same with women actually, I've known a few trifling scandalous creatures in my life. Been friends with some of them, sadly.

 

I don't know what advice to offer to solve the problem, I'm afraid it's not an easy one to solve. Don't give up though, hang in there, keep trying.

[healinginnyc81]

Why am I working so hard to please a man and give him what he needs if he can turn to porn and fantasy to satisfy himself?

 

I don't know any guys who would turn down sex in order to use porn/fantasy to satisfy themselves. Is that what you're saying here? Maybe there are guys who would rather settle for porn b/c they don't want to put the work into a relationship, I don't know.

 

But I guarantee you, you will meet guys who will respect you and treat you right. Don't give up on us and don't feel that b/c you don't match up to the images in the media you are at some disadvantage. I think a mature guy understands the difference between media images and real people.