Advice on Situation-Very Confusing

[NyGentleman]

Well its been awhile since ive posted, things have gotten very intense with the new girl, she popped the three words on me, havent really gotten the extent of the true meaning of it from her yet but it still came out....

 

We have went to dinner a few times since than, hung out, had intimate moments but we arent together...ive gotten the we should be together soon comment once, after she said the i love you so much stuff..

 

But last night i got the we are like seeing eachother without it being exclusive, so i played it off like oh so you mean we have an open relationship than, ok cool..and she got nervous and said well if you do anything with anyone else i dont wanna know about it, so i ask if that is what she wanted and she said of course not...ok what does that mean....

 

Oh and as im typing this, i recently called her this morning now i know when something isnt right with her bc she usually calls me back asap, but today she hasnt, well i just got a text, oh the ex is here sorry couldnt call you back, call you soon...wow...what the heck is goin on here.....

 

Ive known her for 2yrs. Been "seeing her" for 3 months...all while the ex has been trying to get his foot back in the door again...just when i thought she was finally coming around with me, with everything she has said to me lately and how she has been acting, this happens...and all i can think of right now is oh yeah and she is gonna wanna see me after the ex leaves tonight and been with her all day doin god knows what...i mean who does she think i am...that i will just run to do that...i was suppose to hang with her tonight with friends and tomorrow alone for lunch...now idk if i want to do that, i mean i havent heard about him stopping by like this since before we got intimate.....

[AwdreeHpburn]

hmmmmmm........

 

sounds like she's trying to make you jealous.

[NyGentleman]

Well as i think about this more and more, i def dont wanna be the backup guy here esp not after she is finished with him tonight, and when the dust clears tomorrow, i mean now what start from point A all over again bc he shows up and mess with her head...

 

I dont know if she is tryin to make me jealous or if the ex showd up randomly and wont leave but whatever is happening right now will end shortly and am i suppose to run to her when she calls? I think not....what if she apologizes and says it wasnt her fault, i still dont know what goes on with them at this point, that makes me feel less significant and hurt since she has said some serious things to me in the past week.....

[AwdreeHpburn]

well - maybe you should at least try to talk to her when the dust clears. Find out what IS going on with her and this guy.

 

At least try to get a perspective. I mean, does she need help getting away from this guy?

[NyGentleman]

Well i just received a called from her, didnt pick up bc i didnt know what to say to her, she left a message stating just that, I figured you wouldnt pick up, gimme a call back i guess...

 

she doesnt need help getting away from him she needs help seeing that she is playing with peoples head, my head...i hate feeling like i am making a big deal about things but yes this is a big deal, she said she loved me, than hangs out with the ex a few days later...and when she calls im suppose to just be there for her, i mean what about my feelings...how am i suppose to feel....i think ill just let this one wait until tomorrow ...

 

What should i be saying if anything, is it worth discussing...i mean its really none of my business but it is...thats why im confused...

[redandblack]

If you want to be exclusive with her, you need to establish that. You've created a grey area after she told you she loved you. That whole "open relationship" thing must have really hurt her after she opened up to you in the way she did. So, this whole ex deal is probably a way to get back at you. If you want to make this work -- if you feel it's worth the time and effort -- you need to talk to her, heart-to-heart. Do you want to be in a commited relationship with her? Do you feel the same way about her as she does about you (do you think you do or can love her)? These are all things you need to decide before you can continue here.

[NyGentleman]

Well you have a point, but its been her avoiding the exclusiveness, not me and thats why the ex coming to see her today was very interesting, if she didnt want him there she could have told him to leave and called me instead ..

 

But its true, ive done everything to try and be with her but she has been avoiding that even while she has been saying she loves me, and all that stuff...but everytime the ex comes around she gets weird with me all over again...i dont know why she tells me, maybe to make me jealous, maybe to be honest with me but why not just get rid of him all together..

 

There is something still there that she wont let go of and thats whats preventing her from being with me which is strange because of the stuff she says, its doesnt match up with what she wants....

[redandblack]

I read some of your other posts to get a little background on her. It definitely adds complexity to the situation. However, I still feel that you two are dancing around the situations and kind of playing games. I think that you both need to cut the garbage for a moment, sit down, and really talk about what you want and where things are headed. At the current rate, I would say that she's not worth your time if she can't make up her mind and want to commit to something. I can't figure her out for you --I mean, she told you she loved you (a somewhat ambiguous statement for her) but doesn't want to commit for some reason? It's weird, and the only way you're going to figure it out is if you talk to her. Go in with everything or get all the way out. The grey area here is hurting you and will continue to do so.

[Momene]

I think she wants to be exclusive with you and the ex is the back-up guy.

[NyGentleman]

Thats an interesting point!.....

[bigheart09]

I think you guys are playing too many games here. Just sit down and talk. If you really care about her and want to be with her, just tell her. I think because you didnt tell her you loved her and then said you want to see other people, she got scared you didnt want to see her anymore. Trying to make the other jealous either works or backfires on you. Dont let this happen.