I caught him posting on dating service!

[nycgirlie]

I met this guy on a dating site 7 months ago. It wasn't love at first sight for me but he was certainly smitten with me. Anyway, recently we've gotten close. He has asked to date on a regular basis exclusively and has told me I was the one girl that posessed everything he wants and could totally fall in love with me. He is kind, patient, sensitive, worldly, athletic, average looking(in my eyes, can't have it all), all of which I've only come to realize recently. So, yeah he tried real hard to charm me and it worked.

So, the other day, while he was away on a business trip, I was checking out the online dating site where we met( out of boredome really), and lo and behold, i found 2 postings that sounded very familiar, like him. So I made up a phony email address and guess what... it was HIM! He even lowered his age... He's in his late 30's. And in his opinion he is "very very goodlooking, REALLY" (not so true, what a narcissist, but he truly believes it)... And in one post, was even looking for a girl to take on vacation, all expenses paid.

 

What is the deal? I am dumbfounded... I have not confronted him about it yet because i only found this out yesterday. He's called, texted a few times to say how much he misses me, but I am not answering cause I'm so disgusted. I'm sure he's wondering why I havent called back. What reason do I give? I did pose as a phony person to find out if it was him, so I am guilty too. Do I tell him what I know? Or do i just walk away and not ever answer him again? As far as I'm concerned, it's over. He makes my stomach turn at this point. I kind of want revenge and want him to know what garbage material he is. What is the best way to end it and still keep my intergrity(something he soo lacks)!

[kermit]

Why not try to hook up with him using your fake email address. Then show up....

[scarew]

No revenge. And no more under the table phony stuff. Lay it flat out. Tell it to him like you did to us. Say you feel really stupid for snooping like that, but you're glad you did now. He is not worth your trouble honey. People who have lying/cheating problems need to be called on them. Sometimes they can be bullies and we don't want to confront them. He has probably been like this his whole life, and hasn't gotten caught. Or maybe he has and people have just let him walk away. Tell him you know what he is doing. You are disappointed that he lied that he wanted to date exclusively. You are disgusted at his desperostiy. But he is not worth your time anymore. Bye bye bully.

 

Be assertive

Be strong

Don't let him bully you.

[deejay74]

hmmm, wow! well, it seems to me this guy cannot be trusted at all. the only problem is how to get away from this as cleanly as possible.

 

i think if you just never responded or contacted him again, it would not be the best way. plus, getting revenge isn't wise either because you're lowering yourself to his level, in my opinion.

 

perhaps you can send him and email from that one phony one you created and reveal that it's you and you know what he's been up to. then tell him it's over and then never contact him again. you said it's over to you so even though you would be telling him from that phony email address it's over, i don't think it would matter. but either way, just try not to sound angry in your email. write it without showing too much emotion and i feel that would be a dignified way to end it.

 

i personally do not believe in walking away from relationships without telling the other person your reasons. i think walking away from a relationship (unless it was abusive or threatening) is cowardly.

 

bottom line is this guy doesn't seem trustworthy.

[kermit]

Why not try to hook up with him using your fake email address. Then show up....

 

That wasn't a serious suggestion. Bust him in person. ASAP.

[EmptySoul]

I think you probably need to confront him, at least to get closure. Otherwise you'll always be thinking about what you wanted to say to him.

 

-E.

[hosswhispra]

I met this guy on a dating site 7 months ago. It wasn't love at first sight for me but he was certainly smitten with me. Anyway, recently we've gotten close. He has asked to date on a regular basis exclusively and has told me I was the one girl that posessed everything he wants and could totally fall in love with me.

 

There is one thing I can not stand and that is a liar. I don't think you should choose to either. Kick this mediocre-looking liar to the curb! You deserve better!

[Hope75]

I agree with others that you should confront him...

 

but don't be surprised if he asks what you were doing surfing the dating site while he was away. I find that a little odd, but that's just me.

 

There are better things to do when you are bored than to look for potential dates when you are in a relationship.

[hosswhispra]

but don't be surprised if he asks what you were doing surfing the dating site while he was away. I find that a little odd, but that's just me.

 

Women's intuition, perhaps.

[doyathink]

Hope said what I was also thinking....why were you on the dating site as well? Bored? that really doesnt make any more sense than what he is doing.

 

Sounds like neither of you are ready for a committed relationship but I would confront him and tell him how you found out. If you dont like a lier than dont be a lier.

[nycgirlie]

I agree with others that you should confront him...

 

but don't be surprised if he asks what you were doing surfing the dating site while he was away. I find that a little odd, but that's just me.

 

There are better things to do when you are bored than to look for potential dates when you are in a relationship.

I actually went on to take off my profile, but I did take a look and I am so glad I did.

[Jayar]

I actually went on to take off my profile, but I did take a look and I am so glad I did.

 

That's a fair answer... Or you could just tell him you had a gut feeling that turned out to be correct... Or heck, you could tell him you were looking for a purple elephant, it really doesn't matter since you won't be seeing him again... Right?

[nycgirlie]

Thanks to all of you for your advice. After giving much thought, I've come to the conclusion that he's a person who has a bottomless pit that needs to be filled by numerous womens' attention and has nothing to do with me personally. I will take your advice and confront him by email. I am thankful that I found this out early on.

[CharlesF]

This is just my opinion, but I don't think what you did was wrong. You were just looking out of boardom and caught him looking for other girls. I would say break it off with him right away.

[Hope75]

Thanks to all of you for your advice. After giving much thought, I've come to the conclusion that he's a person who has a bottomless pit that needs to be filled by numerous womens' attention and has nothing to do with me personally. I will take your advice and confront him by email. I am thankful that I found this out early on.

 

So what ended up happening?

 

Did you leave him?

[Saturn2006]

This guy is a total creep, the poster has done nothing wrong by logging in to the dating site. She was not actively seeking out other dates like her so called boyfriend.

 

The same thing has happened to me on several occasions, there was one guy I dated for over a year and we were meant to be exclusive. I never trusted him though, so I looked at his profile one morning and it said he'd logged in during the last 24 hours, he'd also updated to say he was looking for a long term relationship. So I sent him a short email and said I was glad to see that during the last 24 hours he'd been looking for a LTR and I wished him all the best in finding one! He said he only went on there when he was bored and it didn't mean anything. He was well and truly dumped.

 

This is why I'd never date anyone off the internet again as they seem to think the grass is always greener, the guys seem to love the thrill of chasing girls online.

 

I've just started dating someone I met in a bar and its fantastic to know he's not on the internet and or surfing for chicks online.

 

Tell this guy where to get off, I be he trys to talk his way out of it when you confront him.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

He's trash, dump him. I wouldn't even bother to have it out with him, I'd just leave.