taking back an apology you didn't mean?

[flower99]

Okay so to sum it up

A friend really insulted me last week. I didn't tell her right away, because I thought maybe I was being oversensitive or it wasn't really anything.

But it ate at me & she kept doing it.

So I talked to my boyfriends he was completely insulted too, so that confirmed i wasn't being over sensitive.

 

So I sent her an email telling her I felt insulted by____. I choose my words carefully, didn't want to hurt her, but only let her know so she could stop doing it.

 

She sent me an email explaining why she didn't it, she was sorry & she was only thinking of me & than DID it AGAIN. So in my next email I was very direct, but kind. Telling her exactly what she was saying & doing that made me feel this way & that should be more careful before assuming & acting on it otherwise it's really insulting & rude. And explained how her words made me feel.

 

She replied with, 'she isn't perfect, she already feels terrible all week for hurting her best friend (she isn't mine, but I’m hers) and how insulted & humiliated she feels. That my email was really harsh & made her cry"

So I got that email & I felt terrible & immediately replied out of guilt, apologizing because i hate making people sad or hurt. She thanked me for that & she feels good & everything is over....

 

But now it's the next day, I read my email...NOTHING In it was harsh. it was the truth, honest & direct. but not harsh or insulting.

I read my apology to her, and I can't believe I was so apologetic. And I resent that in the end - I ended up apologizing for telling her how I felt.

 

If I were to re-write the 'harsh email again, i would have said the exact same thing. I spent a lot of time, making sure it was honest & kind.

 

I feel like she played on my emotions or something....I feel so stupid cause i never stand up for myself & I finally did, than I bent over backwards apologizing for it.

I even sent her a e-card to make her feel better. I'm so stupid. She hurt me, insulted my bf & I big time. When I told her, she did it again, than I tell her in a more direct way and she plays victim & I end up apologizing for telling her how I felt.

Can I take back my apology??? I just feel so stupid for apologizing for an email that I'd send again, because it is the truth about how I felt and not at all insulting or harsh. I wish I didn't reply out of guilt.

 

is there a way I can take it back my apology??

If not, how do I get over feeling this way.

[NJRon]

Why would you take back an apology. Apologies are to get over something. If you take it back, then you are just opening it up again in order to lash out. Better to try and drop it entirely. If she does the same thing again, and it is so offensive, then I would suggest distancing yourself. As it is, it doesn't sound like she really gets why she is hurting you and only cares about how she feels.

 

You get over it by not caring what she thinks.

[dogheadma]

It seems interesting that she thinks of you as her best friend but you don't feel the same. I would just let it go for now and if she does it again then you can reiterate how you feel about it. I'm curious to know what it was she did. Give the issue a rest for now and let it lie and perhaps that will be the end of it.

[Corvette]

You get over it by not caring what she thinks.

[ImThatGirl]

Why use the energy to take it back and create further drama?

 

If you don't consider her your best friend, then distance yourself from her.

[flower99]

Yeah i don't want further drama. I just wish she understood why she hurt me & not be so concern with her own feelings.

But it's my own fault I covered everything I said with apologies.

But I think you all are right. I just have to stop caring about what she thinks.

now i think I'm a big * * * * * !! ha ha ha.. oh well, I learnt something valuable from this!

 

Thank you NJron, doghadma, corvette, I'mthatgirl...thank you for listening & your advice, you guys are wonderful.

 

I think distancing myself from her might be best, especailly since she does think I'm her best friend, when I hardly consider her a good friend to me.