Am I just making a big deal out of this?

[ReadyorNot]

Hello everyone,

 

My husband and I had decided that we would begin trying to conceive (TTC) in January 2007. This is my first month off of birth control pills. We hate condoms (and I had already bought 3 packs of pills) so we figured it would be ok to just be off the pill for one month rather then a few months. The way it works out, we will begin TTC around December 25th.

 

The reason for TTC in January is because my husband is in the military and currently doing a 17month long course. It is a very hard course, and we will be posted out right after. His only request was that he was graduated and posted by the time the baby is here.. He was suppose to graduate September 2007 but he just found out that his grad is now in July.

 

Immediately after hearing his grad was now in July I asked if we could just start TTC now! My husband got sooooo angry. He absolutely does not want to start TTC now. He is saying that he wants to besure we will be posted and settled in, AND his July grad date isnt set in stone.. He said we planned for January (well, Dec 25) so lets leave it that way.

 

This is actually turning into a big argument.. if we start now, its like 4 weeks earlier then planned... what is 4 weeks (yes I realize this goes for me too..why cant i just wait 4 weeks if its only 4 weeks). This whole thing really upsets me... Im nervous that maybe he isnt ready and in 4 weeks he will make up some excuse as to why we cant start TTC. He is very excited (and as ready as he will ever be)about having little ones, I can see that all the time... but what is 4 weeks?

 

Im just wondering if I am just making this into something bigger then it is... do you see any problems with this? Thanks in advance for any replies.

[southerngirl]

Well, I would think a few weeks shouldnt make that big of a difference but if it was agreed you should wait.... thats something you two will have to decide.

 

There is something you can start doing now though to feel like your 'doing something'. link removed is a site that will let you track your cycle for free, its based on daily temperature readings and you can chart your periods.. and basically it will pinpoint with you are ovulating.

 

If you started doing that now, then in January, with any luck you will know when to jump that man of yours so that you have good chances of concieving. Good Luck! I do hope you stick around and keep us posted!

 

Another thing you should probally start doing is to take a prenatal vitamin. This will help prepare your body so that when you do concieve you can have the healthiest pregnancy possible.

[Funeral_Queen]

Hi. I'm not married, nor have kids, but here is my 2 cents

 

I don't think 4 weeks is unreasonable. I mean if he is as easger to have kids as you are, he should be jumping at the opportunity! (No weird puns intended there)

 

Is he one of those people who plans everything? I guess with some people everything has to be set, so they don't have to worry about surprises and stuff. I mean he's probably imagined exactly what's going to happen down to a T, and since that's now being "threatened" he's worried he won't have the same "control" in the situation as before. Otherwise, there shouldn't be any other reason why he should be so defensive - but it could just be his personality in wanting everything done one way

[RayKay]

Seems to me he is just concerned about wanting to know that you are both going to be in a stable place first before you add children to the mix. Even when you do want children, it is daunting, and you want things to be as "best they can be first".

 

There is of course no guarantee you will conceive right out of the gate, but it seems to be he maybe is concerned about having to uplift and move after the baby is born, which does make sense to me as it is a stressful enough time!

 

I think it is important that you also listen to maybe why he feels it is right to wait, rather than immediately jump on him for wanting to stick to the agreed "time".

 

Besides, this gives you time to make sure your body is operating normal after the pill, and ramp up on your vitamin stores and so on!

[ReadyorNot]

Hi There,

 

I have a fertility friend account.. but I do not really understand it. I meant to start taking my temp but I forgot I should have started on the first day of my period.. so much for that this month..

 

I have also started taking prenatal vitamins in September. I have NOT gone to a doctor for a check up since my last yearly checkup because I am living in a new city... I am scared.. I liked my family doctor.

 

Normally, my husband does not plan small things. BUT this being such a big decision this is something he wanted planned. He said he just wants to be able to focus on the baby when its born, and possibly take parental leave instead of me. We may also have to drive accross Canada (from where we are, to where we will go its a 5 day drive).... he said things will be soooo much easier if the baby wouldnt be born until we arrived in our new home..

 

I mentioned what if I end up giving birth way early... he said that isnt something you can control.. but this is something we can control.

 

Its roughly 4 weeks...I just dont understand why he is making such a big deal about it... but, at the same time..why am I... I told him that I completely understand why he wantd to wait till after September... and if we couldnt start TTC for 6 months I wouldnt try and change that... but 4 weeks... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On a side note, i believe we will only be using the "pull out" method during these 4 weeks.

[RayKay]

Believe me, you would not want to be driving accross country with a newborn baby either! Nine months pregnant would be no picnic either, but with a fussy newborn, it would be a long exhausting trip for all of you.

 

I think as I said he just wants to make sure things are in order, and he can take care of you and the baby. This is a GOOD thing!

[ReadyorNot]

Thank you RayKay...

 

Ahh...I have to add.. we would also have two cats driving accross country with us as well....

 

I do feel bad though... when we were discussing children, starting in January was FANTASTIC! My husband bought me a pregnancy book, and has a "babies first year" book on preorder for me.... I even thought "wow, is this too soon" ... Believe me, I want babies more then anything so its really not too soon.. but now... January isnt good enough? Why can I be such a nasty person!

[Siriana]

I think your husband is a smart man - it is very difficult to travel with a newborn. It is better to settle things before.

[StrandedinON]

Having done the TTC dance, I should remind you that things don't always go according to plan.

 

It can take longer than you plan, or shorter. Maybe 4 extra weeks of padding in there wouldn't be bad if you were concerned about your ability to conceive.

 

But..and here's the NUMBER ONE RULE about kids and marriage: BOTH of you should be in on the action. If you can't agree, then don't sneak one in on him, it only does damage, not just to the relationship, but to the child conceived out of that relationship. If everybody's not on board, then no Baby on Board sign for you. having a child should be a mutually agreeable and fun experience for you both. Maybe suggest a compromise if your heart is stuck on getting things rolling earlier. But some battles, and this sounds like one of them, are better surrendered now for more important victories later, like you both being happy with each other as you love your new son or daughter.

 

Good luck to you both.

[ReadyorNot]

Thank you everyone! You've made me see that my husband isnt a monster after all and I just have an extreme case of baby fever so I dont see things the way he does....

 

I am actually worried about being able to conceive.. i have been on the pill for 5 years.. Im just paranoid I guess... 5 years ago my husband and I conceived accidently so he thinks just because of that we will have NO problems.

[Siriana]

Oh, don't worry. Even if it takes some time for you to concieve - I really don't think that trying 4 weeks earlier or later will be crucial.

 

And it's even better to wait few months after you stop using pill (I have no idea if doctors agree with that - but I would feel better knowing that my body got used on beeing without pill - no scientific reasons, just my own inner feeling that has nothing to do with scientific facts)

 

Plus fighting over such thing is useless - the fact is he wants to have a baby, so you have no problem with that, he's your housband and he loves you - everything is great - so why inventing problems?

 

Maybe you feel that he's not romantic enough, planning that as a business plan, or something - but I am 100% shure that he's just worried for your and your baby's health.

Having a baby is something so responsible that it is better to plan than think of it as something romantic.

Plus, you never know how you will feel after you gave birth - for several months your emotions could be in a limbo so maybe you woan't be so thrilled with driving around the country.

 

And finally, I am always planning things so I think your husband is not some crazy planner. He's just responsible. Can you imagine that if I were you I wouldn't even want to travel while pregnant and move around the country because it's so stressfull. I wouldn't even concider driving around with a newborn. And pull out method - heh, that would be out of the question (wait... why are you complaing, if you're using that metod something could happen in this 4 weeks ;-) )

 

Yes, you have baby fever Relax. Take this free time to excercize, to eat healthy food, take some yoga classes... whatever makes you happy and prepares your body for pregnancy.

[southerngirl]

Well, if you want me to help you get the tracking going PM me, maybe I can chat with you.

 

I used that site, and honestly... I was off birth control for 9 months and was beginning to think that it wouldnt happen. I then charted for 2 months. Two only, it told me I was likely fertle, and well... we made like rabbits and along came the baby I am expecting now.

 

The charting is pretty easy. They have help files to help you, and a forum too where they can answer your questions. Thats all free for you to use, also, there is a 'tour' it would probally help to do that.

 

You dont have to wait until you start your period, it wont hurt you to start charting in the morning. What I did was I kept a thermometer here in my purse so that I wouldnt have to hunt for it, and took the temperature, usually first thing I would do every morning. Without getting too graphic, it also suggests that you chart your consistancy of fluids down 'there' ... I did that too although I dont think I ever did understand it.

 

For the charting to work you really have to do it for a few months as thats how its going to be able to predict your ovulation, it developes a pattern for you based on what you record on it. Well, if you need any help just PM me, I wouldnt mind at all if you have more questions.

[ReadyorNot]

OMG!! SouthernGirl

 

I read in a book that you should chart first thing before you get out of bed, and start the first day of your period.. but yeah I can start doing it now....

 

I will write down my temp in the morning and then try and tackle the website... it really confuses me.... Thanks for your help