Funeral_Queen

Woah.. I thought my situation was messed up. The boy has the best of both worlds right now, he can pretty much get what he wants, when he wants. He probably does love/care about you, but he has no respect for you at all - if he did, he would know what he does is hurting you. I would seriously consider cutting contact with this guy hey.

Sounds pretty gay to me..

Hi there. I posted a few weeks ago regarding some problems I was having with my boyfriend, but since then everything has begun to spiral.. And yes I know this is in the Gay, Lesbian... forum Basically, up until about 5 months ago I was sure I was gay. I am now back in that state of mind, it took a relationship with a guy to realize that. Okay, a day before I broke up with my boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend came over. She too has a boyfriend (which shocked all our friends because we were known as the feminist couple of the year heh). Before this, we'd dated for about 3 years. Anyway, we went to the movies, where things got a little.. more than friendly. I didn't start anything, because (at the time) we were both in relationships. I was too "shocked" i guess. That night, my boyfriend went to sleep early, and her and I started talking. She was saying things like "I think we both needed to be with guys to realise that we were meant for each other" and things along those lines. To me, the feeling was mutual. So we then "expressed our feelings" if you know what I mean The next day i spoke to my boyfriend about it, and we mutually broke up. He was upset, obviously, but he understood that my sexuality was the issue, not him. I assumed that she too would talk to her boyfriend, but I was wrong. Instead she started messaging my phone saying things like "I feel so bad" etc. We spoke again the next day, like we used to, and it seemed things were ok. I didn't push her with the issue about her boyfriend, because i believe it was her thing she needed to deal with, I was happy to give her space. The next day, we went to a concert together (we'd been planning for months) and we went back to her house with her sister. Once again, she made advances on me. This time i said "No". I was trying to do the moralistic thing here, because I felt bad for her partner. Saying that though, after about 10 "No's" it's very hard to ward off a hot girl! So you can all guess what happened next.. We started talking afterwards, and she started saying things like "I just want to be friends with everyone... you... my boyfriend.. i don't need a partner" and I'm like.. um ok. Then she went back to the "we could be together one day" thing, and left it at that. I told her "I don't think I can spend time with you, because I feel strongly for you and it hurts me etc" but then she did the "Fine then. Don't see me" thing, which just infuriated me. Now I know the first conclusions everyone will come up with is "Well she clearly just wanted sex" - but the thing is, this girl is the most insecure (physically and emotionally) girl that I know. Even when we were together she would be timid at times, whereas the past few encounters she was very "full on". She told me that she too realises she is gay, but doesn't want to hurt her boyfriends feelings. But when i spoke to her sister (who doesn't seem to be messed up) she said my ex said "Being with her made me feel so guilty, which made me realise how strongly i feel for my boyfriend". So obviously I am the fool in this situation, however she has a few of my things (that I would like back ) but i don't know if I can just "be friends" with her either. I would like to talk to her boyfriend, I mean he has a right to know. It's his first relationship so he's vunerable, and giving it his all, which is why I feel bad for him. So.... any advice on how to approach this situation would be appreciated!!

I think you should just let it go for now, see where it goes. From the sounds of it, she may have a crush on you - but don't push anything, I've been in situations before (both ends) with being unsure about sexuality and stuff, but it will become clearer to you.. So my advice - chill out, enjoy your time with her, and just let things happen Good luck! I'm sure things will work out for you

Why are you with him? There must be a reason to that Saying that though, it's normal to find other people attractive - but when you start looking elsewhere ALL the time then you know there's something that you're going to have to think about

caro33, thanks heaps, that was very helpful However I do have something to add. Ok, I'll admit that I am a feminist, I see myself with a strong value system that noone can change - this makes me stubborn, I know, but I see sincerity and strong beliefs as a strength and I pride myself on being able to be who I am, what I am, and practise my beliefs. Now I know this will open a whole tin of worms, but here goes. I have no problem or objection with certain elements of "body photography" (what I will call it for the sake of this post) - I think it can be tasteful, beautiful, and interesting. However to me there is a very big difference to a naked body, and a woman with 5 guys doing (what I personally see) as derogatory things.. Now this is different for everyone and I respect that, I hope this doesn't result in a bunch of posts about how I'm a old-school, I'm just stating my opinion I'm a strong believer in symbolism, and there are certain things I don't like in "my area" or my home, because to me they perpetuate "energy" which I don't think is positive. Now people may see this as "ignorance is bliss" or I'm being "airy fairy" about it, but hey, each to their own. Now from what I saw when I walked in, this was not "tasteful" image viewing. Don't get me wrong, if thats what it takes for someone (including my bf) to get off on, that's cool, not my business. But once that sort of thing gets into my personal area, then it becomes my business. I don't want to slam him for looking at stuff that goes against my beliefs, that's not my business, and to be entirely honest, I think masturbation is up to the individual, but I DO want to lay down the law so to speak. Like someone said before, I shouldn't have to call MY OWN house to pre-warn him I'm coming home!

Hi. I'm not married, nor have kids, but here is my 2 cents I don't think 4 weeks is unreasonable. I mean if he is as easger to have kids as you are, he should be jumping at the opportunity! (No weird puns intended there) Is he one of those people who plans everything? I guess with some people everything has to be set, so they don't have to worry about surprises and stuff. I mean he's probably imagined exactly what's going to happen down to a T, and since that's now being "threatened" he's worried he won't have the same "control" in the situation as before. Otherwise, there shouldn't be any other reason why he should be so defensive - but it could just be his personality in wanting everything done one way

Hey there After reading through other people's replies I think I can agree with some things.. 1. Never go snooping into people's stuff.. There's a saying about the person who eavesdrops will never hear anything good about themselves so.. People often write things in the heat of the moment to chill out so keep that in mind.. 2. Has she ever had a problem involving you and this other girl before? It sounds like the thought of you two has already crossed her mind, so maybe it's an issue she already has Hope it works out!

Hi everyone I'd like to say thank first up, because these replies have been informative and eye opening! I would like to clear up some points etc so; A) We do indeed sleep in the same bed B) To me, masturbating in a "common" room of your partner's families' house is a different matter to sexual preference. To be honest I don't think that that particular fact bears much relevence to the matter - I was just using it as an illustration to my lack of understanding of living with a guy (as opposed to a girl) - I thought perhaps it was something that happened regularly and it was my lack or knowledge that was causing me to feel angry/confused. C) Lastly, i'm not sure how to approach the subject. I mean, how do you start the conversation?! We normally have very good communication, but as this subject semi-shocked me and it was something I had never dealt with before, I'm not really sure how to handle it? D) I hope there is no misconception here that I have a problem with masturbating. It doesn't bother me in principle - people can do what they like with themselves, it's natural, etc. Thanks again for all the help thus far!!

Everyone has No it's just the fact that it was at my dinner table. I mean seriously, my family eats dinner there! My parents do know that he is staying with me. But my point is, if I was staying at someone elses house, especially their parents house, I would show some respect!

Hi everyone Hoping for some advice Firstly I'll explain the situation a bit (it normally helps). I'm a 21 year old girl who's dated girls and guys, but my longest relationships have always been with girls. I'm only mentioning this because I've never encountered something like this before, and I'm not sure if it's maybe a gender thing? Not being sexist, but yeah. Anyway, I've been seeing this guy for a while and he's staying at my house while my parents are away (the area is semi-dodgy so I don't like to be alone Anyway. This evening I came home from work earlier than usual (my brother dropped me off) when I walked in the front door, it was obvious he had just been er touching himself - because he zipped up his pants and shut his laptop really quickly. To top it off, it was at the dining room table where my family usually eats dinner. And the first thing he said was "You should have called!" Now this guy is pretty timid, he doesn't do anything sexually "out there" or anything like that, not that it makes a real difference. I didn't say anything to him, but I've been really cold since, because I really don't know what to say, other than snide, * * * * *y kind of things. To me this is a violation of my home, particularly on behalf of my parents - I see it as a pretty disgusting thing to do. So what I want to know is; 1. Am I right in thinking this? Or am I being too old-school. 2. What should i say to him? 3. Should I ask him to leave? I really am offended by this, because it's not how I have been "brought up" or whatever, I mean I don't care about what other people do in their own time in their own homes, but when it's my property, particularly my PARENT'S home, I find it wrong. He "knows" that I know, and he's been really quiet since then.. to make matters worse he had a shower like 5 minutes later. Ten points for captain obvious! Any advice on how to handle this situation would be greatly appreciated, as I've never had this happen before Cheers