will my ex now be happy with her abusive ex?

[Tomas]

Long story, but:

I found a girl that was great after looking for a 'real' thing for a while, but she was at what became the end of an emotionally (not physically) abusive relationship. She dumped him for me and we got together and had a few months of honeymoon. Then she dumped me because she said I wasn't emotionally supportive (true). We were back together unofficially like 3 weeks later. Eventually I got sick of it and forced her to be offically together again... which lasted a month; she dumped me again with very bad excuses. We still slept together for one more month, and then I spent 3 months just being her close friend and showing her how much I cared for her (I still do care). Since she dumped me the first time she had a crush on another guy who just wanted sex (it never happened though), so when she found this out, a month later she was sleeping with me again, but not "with me" officially. After that she had a crush on another guy who turned to be a drug addict, so she came back to me emotionally again, but not physically this time. A month later she decided she was going to get back with her ex-boyfriend (the abusive one!) because she had been really "missing" him.

My point is, of course, what the heck?! How could she go back with him after she had to go to the police to let them know he had been following her around after their breakup? I mean, if you want more abuse stories, ask away, but from what I could gather back then and her friends, he was a pretty bad guy. But she said she had been missing him for a while now and THUS he MUST be "the one". When she told me all this she sounded SO convinced that he is her true love and whatnot. Anyhow, I decided to cut off all contact with her... not just to FINALLY move on (we NEVER stopped talking every day, even when we broke up)... but to let her realise that I wasn't just "a friend" in her life.

I am trying to move on and leave her in the past, but to be honest, I really feel like they don't belong together and I wouldn't want her to get hurt again, and I would like to get some input on this... they didn't even talk for over a year, but he was abusive... will that ever change? She thinks it will and is in a honeymoon stage right now (abuse cycle anyone?)... and in a way I would like her to contact me in a few months and tell me she made a mistake... for my own interest... but really, I wouldn't want her to go through all that again! Although there is nothing I can do, she is going with it and begged me not to tell her what I thought of it, which I agreed to.

 

Enough rant. Are they gonna last? haha some question that is... and, what should I do? Is cutting off ALL contact the right thing to do? To move on or to someday get back together, or just be friends for real this time? In the meantime I am suffering from a loss so badly... I can only compare it to when people pass away... even if it was just simple contact every day, it's tearing me apart. She sent me a fwd email yesterday, and looks for me on msn (I blocked her) almost every day; I know she looks forme because she told me more than once that she basically just logs on to talk to me (abusive guy doesn't really use it)... anyhow... any input would be appreciated... any questions gladly answered

[dogheadma]

Whatever personal problems she's having are hers and not yours. You're beating yourself up by wondering if she will be ok. It's not your problem anymore. You've already decided to let it go. She has made her choice as well. Do what's right for you and just keep on going.

[chai714]

Tomas,

 

Welcome to eNotalone.

 

I don't know you, you don't know me but I do know that you'll be much better off with another woman whose sane. It would make your life much, much more simple and easy. It really doesn't matter how you feel about whether or not she should be with her abusive boyfriend (some women like abusive men and if you're not abusive, stay away from them). The only thing that matters is how she feels and it seems she likes the abuse (or rather doesn't know how to cut her negative behavior patterns).