i cheated on him

[michou]

hey i cheated on my boyfriend of 5 months. i don't know why i did it i guess for i wanted some attention, anyways i ended up sleepin in this guy bed , not doing anything else though( no kissing, no doing it) just cuddling, anyways i told my boyfriend, and he wants to take a break or be on a break and kinda start over between me and him, what does it really mean? i regret doing what i did, what should i do. what should i say ? help

[shikashika]

if I was your boyfriend, I wouldn't want to trust you again... maybe he will take you back.. you will have to prove to him, not just tell him that you want to start again.

 

What are you going to do to prove to him that it won't happen again and that you made a big mistake? that has to come from YOU, not a bunch of randoms ona message board..

 

good luck!

[michou]

i know i screwed up, i know i have to make it up to him , i am tryin he wants his space so i'm giving it to him im lettin him tell me what he wants, i just want him back

[Scout]

Well, the good news is you didn't have sex with this other guy, although I agree with you that what happened is still a form of cheating. But since it's a lesser form, your boyfriend will be more inclined to forgive you.

 

If I were you, I'd send him an email written very maturely. This email should cover:

 

- A heartfelt apology

- Acknowledgement that what you did was immature and rocked the foundation of trust you two have in your relationship

- Understanding that he needs space and you will respect that

- A hope that he will forgive you, so that you can make this up to him

- And in that making it up to him, you will do whatever you can to help him trust you again

- And another heartfelt apology and declaration of your love for him

 

Keep it no more than three brief paragraphs, don't blame him in any way, shape or form for your bad choice, and don't try to excuse what you did. Just acknowledge how awful it was and a mistake you don't plan on repeating ever again.

 

Good luck, hon. I know you feel pretty rotten right now. But this is your best bet to getting things back on track.

[Meow18]

I think Scout gave excellent advice.

 

Understand that from his view, things are way worse than you might realize. I would write him a note with what Scout suggested and leave it at that. All you can do is apologize for your mistake and hope that he will give you a chance to prove that you are sorry. That's all you can do.

[LostInMyThoughts]

In addition to what Scout wrote, thinking about why you cheated on your bf in the first place.

 

Thats a *BIG* sign that you've got some things to work on, with yourself.

 

You can feel bad about what you did, but unless you really work on those issues, I think you might have repeat behavior.

[Meow18]

Lostinmythoughts brought up a good point.

 

I think you need to think about why you cheated. Although I don't think there's ever a good reason to cheat, I do think that most of the time the cheater has a reason, whether it's because your boyfriend doesn't give you something you want.. or maybe even because you were tempted and gave in, in which case, maybe you aren't ready to be committed to just one person?

[michou]

well i called him last night cause someone had phoned for him on my phone, as we were talkin , someone asked him who he was talkin to , he then tells them that he is talkin to his soon to be ex girlfriend, i was speechless, i thought that we were gonna be good for now, he then tells me that he doens't think its gona work out between me and him and that we can still be friends( he is my best friend) and that i can call him whenever something isn't workin out or if im feelin, he also said that i was the best girlfriend he has ever had. i know i deserve to be dumped but i feel like * * * * on the inside, i want to crawl into and hole and not see the sun ever again, thats how rotten i feel, he said later on we might go back out but he doens't know, the only thing i can do i guess is be friends and hope that later on he gives me a chance, what do u guys think

[in_love]

if you cheat once, you'll cheat again.

 

It's like any other bad habit, the moment you try it once you break into it, and it becomes easier to do it.

 

That comment is ridiculous! (no offence)

 

Sorry... but I KNOW as I was a complete a-hole many years back! In fact there are many aspects of my previous self and my history which I would never mention here and would probably shock most people on this board! All of it is HISTORY, I have NEVER repeated the same behaviour.

 

Let me tell ya, people CAN and DO change! I cheated on my ex ex many times! I treated her like she was some kind of second class citizen (not proud if it) and eventually she dumped me - I dont blame her and ironicly its the best thing she could have ever done for me.

 

I am now a new man, after many years of self realisation and growing I am now a much better man. It took a long time for me to become what I am today - I still have a lot to learn.

 

I am 30 years old, I have been with a girl for the last 2 years and I never cheated on her ONCE, never lied to her nor disrespected her in ANY way! I am a completely reformed character, the pain of that particular break up was enough to give me a wake up call. I knew her (the ex ex) parents and was on very good terms with them, I did some VERY bad things to this particular girl. It was the guilt, the shame of letting her and her parents down and realising that there was nothing I could say or do to make things better which made me realise I was a complete a-hole.

 

I will admit, I still have a "bit" of that wild streak in my personality but I NOW value and respect peoples (whether they are girlfriends, friends or strangers) feelings. I try to give to people what I never gave them before, I try to live my life thinking how the other person may feel... getting hurt, as we all, is a horrible feeling and can bring the strongest of us down to their knees. It took me to be EXTREMELY hurt to realise this.

 

People do and can change!!! I have seen it all walks of life, I have seen some pretty nasty characters reform into model citizens... it happens, all it takes is something to kick start that transformation.

 

So be prepared to be more susceptible to temptation

 

human nature! We are all tempted with things we would rather not think about, it is what you do when tempted that really matters! I have been tempted many times to cheat on my current ex but I never acted on that temptation. It gets easier through time and practice.

 

I got dumped by this particular girl because I was basically TOO GOOD to her! Things are looking up at the moment, I am not chasing her, I am living (at least TRYING to) in a positive way. I change myself to depend less on her and we'll see what happens. We were in love with each other, she knew my past and yet she trusted me 110% - now that is something else!

 

Sorry to hijack this thread I just needed to say that beause I always hear this: "people dont change" - it's nonsense! People do change, it happens all the time and in all walks of life. Human nature is never Black & White!

[Meow18]

I don't believe in the fact that if you cheat once you will cheat again. If you cheat once and feel as horrible as michou feels, chances are you will think before doing anything again.

 

There can be hope for a cheater. They just have to put in the effort to change.

[Meow18]

I think he needs time. You need time as well. I think for now it would be a good idea to hold off on a friendship. I don't mean you can't talk to him at all.. just don't spend all of your free time together. It will hurt for both of you.

 

He needs time to get his thoughts straight.

[michou]

thanks to everyone who gave me advice,

 

about not having a friendship, i did not phone him , he ended up textin me last night, he asked me how i was doing, i ended up textin him back and we talked for a bit, it seemed okay to do it, we didn't talk about the break up just other stuff, is that a good or bad sign? i don't know what to think,

 

fyi, i have never cheated on anyone else before this time, and i would never do it again so people do change