Ever feel so jaded you just dont wanna anymore

[SarahRose]

yeah why does it take getting mad to get them to do anything at all?

 

I did that a couple times after I hadn't heard from him for days. No response to emails, text, or nothing.(Note: I sent 1 email and 2 texts so I wasn't pestering him) So then I finally sms saying well if you aren't interested anymore then just tell me.

 

So he fires back a nasty text asking me what my problem is and that I am far too needy and always trying to lay a guilt trip on him.

 

I hadn't heard from him in 4-5 days and I'm the one with the problem?! I don't think so.

 

Anyway just stuff like that that is so stupid that I don't even want to deal with relationships anymore.

[n83]

While on strike, I ignore women, especially if they're attractive. I sometimes throw in a couple deep yawns for good measure.

 

Yeah I totally do that too.. go out of my way to show how not interested i am

 

n83, what are some of the main problems you have experienced in your relationships?

 

Hey sarah

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad about your relationship right now .. I wish I knew what to say. If I'm feeling this frustrated, I can't imagine how bad it must be after being married for so long ... usually in my relationships, I get cheated on. Plain and simple .. well that and the guys that I date are TOTAL losers. Recently I've been finding guys that aren't OBVIOUS losers, but then they turn out to be not so good.

 

So he fires back a nasty text asking me what my problem is and that I am far too needy and always trying to lay a guilt trip on him.

 

Wow Sarah ... that sounds terrible hun ... not only was there no apology or anything but he blasted you for being needy?! Can I ask you a question ... do you think he loves you? I don't mean that to be sarcastic, it's a genuine question. Because I'm wondering, if your answer to that is no, then why are you staying with him? It seems as if it's more than he's neglecting you.. He's downright hostile to you!

 

need2b- SHE SHOULD HAVE FRIGGIN CALLED U!!! AHHHHH!!

[SarahRose]

Wow Sarah ... that sounds terrible hun ... not only was there no apology or anything but he blasted you for being needy?! Can I ask you a question ... do you think he loves you? I don't mean that to be sarcastic, it's a genuine question. Because I'm wondering, if your answer to that is no, then why are you staying with him? It seems as if it's more than he's neglecting you.. He's downright hostile to you!

 

need2b- SHE SHOULD HAVE FRIGGIN CALLED U!!! AHHHHH!!

 

When I ask him if he loves me he says of course I do. I don't think he acts like it though.

[n83]

When I ask him if he loves me he says of course I do. I don't think he acts like it though.

 

Do you two live together? It sounds like he feels you depend on him too much. Maybe spending some time apart would help, ie you hanging out with other people/ him doing the same, and hopefully then it's more quality if not quantity

[SarahRose]

Do you two live together? It sounds like he feels you depend on him too much. Maybe spending some time apart would help, ie you hanging out with other people/ him doing the same, and hopefully then it's more quality if not quantity

 

No, actually we are thousands of miles apart.

[n83]

No, actually we are thousands of miles apart.

 

Woah ... if you dont mind me asking, how did it come about that you're so far away from each other ??

[need2bme]

See Rose, that is what I am talking about. How can you NOT call someone for days and then state, "well you have my number too". To me, that sounds as if you don't feel the necessity to call me. Besides, I emailed and sent texts and got no response. It is not like every day all the time. In fact, after my call with her on Tuesday (initiated by her) I sent her 3 texts and an email and no responses.

 

So, up until the "flaming text" from me. There had been no contact. Am I supposed to call her on MY birthday?

 

Yes she should have called and she shouldn't need a flaming text reminding her. I get a text @ 2:30 AM and an "I am so sorry" apology.

 

Then a phone call informing me that she is sorry and to call her back. So I do and attempt to explain what it means to not call someone when you supposedly like them...

 

Then of course you get the treatment as if you are clingy. Clingy? NOT! Sure, I think about her when she is not around, but she does not know that. Also, I have only contacted her, before last night, maybe with 4 short messages.

 

It used to be that I could email and get a reponse or she would text about how much she cared and so forth. Now, I get the response that I have her number too. Sure, but it wasn't your birthday.....ARRRGGHH!!!

 

How in the world does someone dance around like that and why in the world am I allowing it? NO FREAKIN' MORE!

[Daligal83]

Hey I've been following this thread and need2bme, I have a question for you. I understand that at the beginning when you met this girl, she seemed amazing. But the considering the behavior she is displaying now, why are you sticking around for it? You seem like a very intelligent, mature guy and you deserve better than what she is putting you through. If she's treating you this way in the beginning, what makes you think a relationship with her would be any better?

[need2bme]

Hey I've been following this thread and need2bme, I have a question for you. I understand that at the beginning when you met this girl, she seemed amazing. But the considering the behavior she is displaying now, why are you sticking around for it? You seem like a very intelligent, mature guy and you deserve better than what she is putting you through. If she's treating you this way in the beginning, what makes you think a relationship with her would be any better?

 

1) Sticking around, because I am an idiot... ;-) Also, it wasn't like this before and I am unsure as to what is going on. I am SURE she has hangups, but my God, going from best since slice bread to this....and yes, if I saw one of my friends doing this...I would slap "the living you know what" out of him. ;-)

 

2) As for thinking it will be different, who knows. We are far apart, so right now it is an LDR. It won't be soon as I have to move back. Also, I am seeing a couple of other girls that are treating me RIGHT and still I think of the one...hmmm...seems we always do that...or at least I do.

 

3) Lastly, it was absolutly phenomenal in the beginning. I mean I really needed it and ate it up. As soon as I came forward with the serious stuff, that she had been doing ALL ALONG, she backed off...

 

...in short, I know it will get old. This whole birthday issue wore on me greatly. You just don't forget someone, you supposedly care about...so, I might have some posts soon about not being with her, anymore...

 

Thanks for asking, BTW...

[Daligal83]

I was in a similar situation, so I can empathize. I had a guy pursuing me, but whenever I showed interested back he'd disappear for a couple days, then come back. It was a cycle that I fully participated in. I was clinging to the way I felt when he actually did show interest. Eventually I got sick of him and moved on. The last few times he texted me over the summer, I didn't even respond. I have class with him still and he can't even look me in the eye, it cracks me up.

 

You are not an idiot, but I do think you should put an end to this confusion. I'd tell her that you've been patiently waiting for her to figure out what she wants for awhile now, and it's time for her to decide if she want something or not. I'm glad you're seeing other girls though! Not just waiting around for her. Good for you! I think you still think of her because you can't figure out her behavior and it's natural for you to want some closure.

[n83]

I'm glad you're seeing other girls though! Not just waiting around for her. Good for you!

 

I'd tell her that you've been patiently waiting for her to figure out what she wants for awhile now, and it's time for her to decide if she want something or not.

 

Absolutely.. It's really good you're not just sitting around waiting for her (then again though, it does kinda suck that you're still thinking about her regardless..)

 

but either way she needs to make a decision one way or another ... for your sake, so you're not being completely led on!!!!

 

As a side note, I went on my date tonight and it was totally better than I expected.. He was cute and funny, a good listener, and I think he wanted to kiss me at the end but was too much of a gentleman. Now that I just said all that, watch him never call me again.

[need2bme]

Silly girl, he will call you. You know that he will. If you thought it went as well on your side, it probably did for him, as well. I am happy for ya....so, lets not be so jaded now...

 

DaliGal: I went ahead and made the call. Apparently, she does like non-commital guys. Now lets not forget the fact that I was non-commital and lets not forget the fact that she ran after me with both barrels. She actually was talking about kids (with someone), wanting to be exclusive with me, wanting to see just me, I could not have other romantic interests, everything was so natural, she wants me to look at her place of employment so I can move down, she wished I lived next door, she wanted someone to adore her, told me that she told a guy that she wanted someone to look at her "the way you (me) are right now" and on and on and on.

 

So, I start letting her know that I like her too and BOOM! Blows up. Now apparently, I don't have adjectives to describe what I am feeling and what I speak is usually harsh (according to her). Of course, this is all happening now. Also, I am apparently attached to her, as evidenced by the fact I was livid (my words - how's that for expressing ), she couldn't even call me on my birthday. So, she is attracted to non-commital men. So, if I would have had sex with her right off the bat, that would have made us non-commital?

 

What could I say to all of that. I started none of it. I am supposed to not call. Crimeny, I mean she even texted me to find out why I had not returned an email. Oh the humanity! So, I ended the conversation, because I understood where she was coming from and quite frankly there was not much else to say. I can almost guarantee I won't be hearing from her again.

 

Anyway, just so ya know, I am so done. I don't get it. I don't know how people do that and I don't like being told that she feels as if she needs to explain over and over how she feels, when I simply attempt to bring to her attention what she said and why I would have felt the way I did.

 

Before I get flamed about "watching the feet, not the lips" (you know, pay attention to what she does, not what she says) she totally acted the same way. She acted as if she wanted to be together...

 

Unreal...I feel totally used....ya'll have a good night, cause mine is already GREAT!!

[need2bme]

I am so mad right now, I could chew steel and spit nails.....

[Daligal83]

Hey I'm in a rush so I can't fully respond the way I'd like, but in general I just want to say that I'm sorry that you're going through this. It sucks and it's not fair. On the positive side, you've seen what she's really like now instead of when you've gotten into a relationship and even more attached to her. I know that doesn't really help any right now, but just keep it in mind. I wish I could give a more detailed response, but I gotta go to my internship and I'm sick and thereforeeee not functioning well right now lol.

 

n83-YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO happy for you!! He will call hun, because you're amazing. Stay positive!

[n83]

On the positive side, you've seen what she's really like now instead of when you've gotten into a relationship and even more attached to her. I know that doesn't really help any right now, but just keep it in mind.

 

Daligal's right.. this is just revealing things about her that you don't like and if this is already happening, she's not worth the anxiety it's causing you ... Have you thought about doing NC? If you're going on other dates and you can't stop thinking about her, maybe that's the way to go.. just cold turkey..

 

n83-YAY!!!!!!!!!!! I'm SO happy for you!! He will call hun, because you're amazing. Stay positive!

 

thank you...

[need2bme]

OK, so you guys and everyone else who told me to leave it alone, was right. Everyone, including those on here who told me to back off and let her have her space, were right.

 

Even those who said I was in like with a dream and loving the attention and not her, were probably right.

 

Lastly, even "Diggity Dogg" was right, when he basically stated that regardless of what they say or do, we need to hold back. So, however, I am seen now, by her or anyone else, know this, I am not afraid to say when someone is right.

[Daligal83]

Hey just look at this whole thing as a learning experience. Most of us go through this kind of situation at one point or another. How are you feeling right now? Still mad or have you cooled off some?

 

n83-when are you seeing this guy again?

[need2bme]

Hey just look at this whole thing as a learning experience. Most of us go through this kind of situation at one point or another. How are you feeling right now? Still mad or have you cooled off some?

 

Yes, I should look at it that way, and I am trying. I am also trying to stay mad for a while, as that gets me through.

 

My friends state that I should be thankful for the weeks of bliss that I had. I got to have a wonderful time, with a then wonderful girl and got more attention than anyone should ever get to have.

 

I try to look at it that way, but it only makes it worse. So we will see.

 

Oh, and to answer your question, yes, I am still mad, but more frustrated with myself for not seeing this and holding back at the end.

 

N83: Yes, when do you see him again? What do you guys have planned? did you ever call him?

[Daligal83]

Don't be so hard on yourself. You had no way of knowing beforehand. She was giving you all the signals that it's ok, and now you've gotten yourself out of a bad situation. Give yourself credit for that!

 

n83 needs to live at her computer like I do...I want details!

[n83]

n83-when are you seeing this guy again?

 

I have no idea!! I texted him today just to say thanks again .. told him I had a good time. Haven't heard back from him.. that's fine tho, I'm super freaking busy tonight.. I guess it's totally up in the air as to whether or not we're going to go out again

 

Don't be so hard on yourself. You had no way of knowing beforehand. She was giving you all the signals that it's ok, and now you've gotten yourself out of a bad situation. Give yourself credit for that!

 

Daligal is right ... you spared yourself what could have been a long, drawn out bad relationship

[need2bme]

I hear ya guys and I know I have been spared. What would it have felt like, after I moved and 6 months down the road, we got more serious and then WHAM, "Hey, I want to see other people"?

 

She should not have come on like she did and she should have told me what was going on from the beginning.

 

See, when I first met her, she was so cool. My friends liked her. One friend even mentioned we looked so cute together. All the while, this girl never, ever acted like we were not together. We all thought that this was a "DO-OVER", because of all the crap I went through with my EX.

 

I wasn't saying "this is the one" or anything. In fact, I was telling my friends that she was taking it too fast and I did not want this. They told me to calm down and just go with it. So, I went with it.

 

See, now I think of it, not as a "DO-OVER", but a "LEFT-OVER". I started thinking that this was "leftover" from my previous relationship. Not that I want to be with my ex, or maybe not even because I wanted to be with this girl. I don't think I had dealt with all of the feelings about me and what happened in the breakup. So, that could be part of it.

 

Bottom line it though, she actually was complaining about the way I described things and not being more carefree with adjectives (I had to bring up that word though - I asked in disbelief, if she was complaining about my choice of adjectives). I fully believe that she thought we were going down the same track, she and her ex did.

 

I honestly believe as well, that she started all of the crud she was spewing and finding anything to give me a hard time about, because of the way we were getting too close. So, I guess it is a non-commital thing, but why not just say that, instead of making me feel badly?

 

Oh wait, she did. She said she was scared and needed space. Maybe I should have left her alone. Maybe I should have listened...

[need2bme]

Wanna hear something really weird? I came in her to cheer you up and keep you from being jaded and now you are and I am jaded. ;-)

 

Also, my ex before this one (if I can even call this latest an ex) is now calling and acting all nice. I actually miss the current girl though and not the ex. Of course as I posted in another thread, maybe all these feelings are getting mixed in with one another.

 

It isn't like there was a whole year between the two.

 

What feels surreal, is that just a few short weeks ago, I was on cloud 9 and all my friends were saying, "Go for it, she seems really cool and you deserve it". Now, it just seems like it never happened.

 

WOW! Believe it or not, this makes me feel even worse than before. My ex was treating me so poorly in the end. It was nice to find someone compatible that I could talk to.

 

In the end though, with the way she is, she probably did me a favor.

[n83]

Either way it's good you have some answers..!!

 

So my date finally got my text this morning and called me back, said he had a great time, and we're going out again Saturday night!

[need2bme]

I am more than happy for you girlie!

 

Hey, any idea where you guys are going? If you think you might be nervous, then go to a movie. Or, if you want to get to know him, suggest dinner and coffee.

 

You sound like you are ready to have a good time and that is most important. You have to be receptive to the good things. The only thing you have to remember, is when to let go of the bad things....hey, I dould learn that too.

[n83]

aww thank you

 

yeah I dunno.. I'm feeling doubtful again, and trying to fight it.. but we're going to get dinner on Saturday night, not sure where or when, but dinner seems appropriate so we can actually talk more.

 

And I told him about my son and he was fine with it ... he said he loves kids and either way its' just the beginning of us dating, so let's take time to get to know each other .. so that was cool and I'm glad I told him. Plus, I have an adorably cute son, so that's awesome ... two good things