OPINIONS PLEASE -update to 'urgent will deal with person tomorrow night'

[nubspeace]

 

Ok...Ex came over to work on my entryway sheetrock. All went well...we talked/ laughed. He asked me if i had changed my hair color (i had tinted it and put in highlights) and i said yes and he said it looked really good and that the "curly cues" i put in it looked nice. Then he continued to work, i went and picked us up some chinease food and beer and we ate and talked. I fed him some of mine...he had not had it before, and then he went back to work and i was doing my thing in the other room. We chatted while working. Then he figured out i needed more things to complete the job so he quit for the night and said he would pick up what i needed and would come back another day.

 

From there we went in the family room and watched ghost hunters on the scifi channel and had a couple beers. I was on the edge of my seat during one part and he grabbed me around the waste and screamed to scare me. I jumped a mile and did scream and said "oh my god, you scared the crap out of me". and we both laughed. Then when he finished his beer he said he was getting going and we would get it taken care of. (the entryway). No hug goodbye or anything but all went well. Doesn't seem like the way i would act if i didn't want to "give someone the wrong idea" (his words previously) OPINIONS PLEASE !!!

[rose2summer]

Well, he did spend time with you, so I think that may show interest.

 

The lack of hug, kiss, etc maybe was his way of taking things slowly.

 

When you first went out on your very first date did he hug or kiss you?

 

If he didn't, then he likes to take things slowly.

 

Hugs, Rose

[flower99]

sounds like he's being nice....I wouldn't get to worked up yet

are you guys building a frienship? or working on getting back together?

[nubspeace]

i would say building a friendship. See where things lead i guess. trying to figure out if he is just afraid of commitment or what. he has been over the years in three bad relationships with psycho's, cheaters, addicts...and the two relationships he has had with nice, sweet, normal people he has got out of. He said he doesn't know why he does this but he knows his pattern. The last one he regretted it and called and apologized but it was too late. See below for previous post before this one for the backround:

 

2 wks. ago my boyfriend of 4mos. broke up w/me. For 3-4 wks. he was holding in info that he had got from his daughters mother; daughter (5yrs old), mother re-married w/3yr. old, just friends with my boyfriend, she is a very nice girl, have met her and get along good. She told my boyfriend that their daughter told her that he and I were getting married, and had said it a few times. Well, in the past 3-4 wks. i could tell he was pulling away and being distant and would not tell me what was on his mind.

 

My reaction (mistakenly) was to be more clingy feeling he was slipping away. Now due to him not sharing what he knew with me, he had 3-4 wks. to analyze and look at everything i did and say through different eyes. He finally confronted me with it on the 'breakup night' and I told him it was deffinatly not true that i would NEVER go to the child behind his back and talk about that and that also we had not even said i love you to each other yet. We did come to the conclusion because he said his daughter adores me that she was just saying what she wants or thinks would naturally happen. But since he had this info for 3-4 wks. He started bringing up how i had been acting recently and i tried to explain it was cause i knew something was going on but he wouldn't say. Anyway.. relationship over.

 

Now we have some mutual friends and when invited recently to my b-day party he didn't want to go so i didn't get the wrong idea. But since then i've had to deal with him cause he was in the middle of fixing my truck and getting my things and he has been all smiles and overly friendly and wanting to get me something for my b-day or take me out to lunch. (me confused). Seems very talkative and happy to see me when he see's me and i'm now thinking he was afraid things were going to fast and ran the other way. He did say the breakup night that he had feelings for me and cared alot and would do anything for me but didn't think he had the feelings he should have by now. (it's only been 4mos). Now again this was him lookin at me through different eyes with the info he had.

 

I've since acted very aloof and extremely happy and like it didn't bother me when i see him. Wed. night 11/22 he is coming over to put up sheet rock i needed done for my b-day gift. Seem very into coming over. Should i mention that i'm glad we are friends at all? should i just act like friends and not say anything? should i call him again after tomorrow...how will he know i'm still interested if we don't talk?

[colors]

yeah defineitly...mention you're happy you're still friends & enjoy hanging out with him.

about whether to call after tomorrow...maybe he'll call you or maybe you'll make some kind of plans.....Play it by ear let things happen

[nubspeace]

i was supposed to call him tonight when i got home about finishing the entryway, but i think i'm going to do NC and let him wonder and call me about it....what do ya's think....

[need2bme]

NC. Unfortunately that is the way I think is best. I waited a little while before texting tonight. The girl that recently wants to take it slow, asked about lunch. I said I am fine with it and let me know.

 

I think NC is the way to go. OR, maybe at least a little late.

[nubspeace]

Well my ex said he didn't feel we were connecting on a level of wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. We had so much fun and had so much in common....i thought this was going to be it. Now i find out 3wks. after our breakup that he has reconnected with his childhood sweetheart and thinks he loves her and gonna be long term. I'm devistated !!!! I miss him so much, but there is no way i can compete with that. No chance at all. I'm crying as we speak.............

[flower99]

Well my ex said he didn't feel we were connecting on a level of wanting to spend the rest of his life with me. We had so much fun and had so much in common....i thought this was going to be it. Now i find out 3wks. after our breakup that he has reconnected with his childhood sweetheart and thinks he loves her and gonna be long term. I'm devistated !!!! I miss him so much, but there is no way i can compete with that. No chance at all. I'm crying as we speak.............

 

Oh I'm so sorry hun.

 

 

What's helped me, is reminding myself. "he doesn't love me the way I want to be loved, he never will. There is someone who will love me for Me & love me in ways I never knew exsisted & I deserve that"

It's true. you deserve that & it's out there for you, he just wasn't the one.

I'm sorry things didn't turn out as you hoped.