Should I end it with him??

[SweetiePie05]

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend for 1 1/2 years. A few months ago we started arguing like crazy!! he told me "i work monday through friday what do i have to work weekends too" calling me a job. Last night he called me "selfish and spoiled" because I wanted him to call me (he didn't call me that entire day).

 

So now I'm just wondering what I should do now. I wish we could go back a few months where we didn't argue atall and we coudln't get enough of eachother. Now things are so stressout now. I really want to stay with him, I don't see myself with anyone else but him. When I ask him to tell me how he feels about me I always get a "i tell you all the time" or a "i don't feel like repeating myself".

 

It's like I'm getting treated like crap, but at the same time I want to work things out, I want to be with him. I wish he could just sweep me off my feet like he used to and make things better. I don't know what to do anymore. And it's right before the holidays.

[nadine_3110]

Wow, that sounds awful, you don't deserve to be treated like that. What do you do to make it seem to him like you're a second job. And what do you argue about? And sometimes ppl don't want to have to tell you how they feel about you because it makes it seem as if you think they don't care. I know that my bf and I had this conversation, he doesn't like it when I ask him how things are going with us, it looks like I'm doubting the relationship. But sometimes I totally understand, you just have to know. Only sometimes mind you...... It sounds like he is treating you like crap, maybe have a little heart to heart some time soon. Do you guys see each other during the week at all?

[Scout]

Try to keep in mind that your boyfriend's comments indicate he feels he's being treated like crap, too.

 

Did anything happen in the last few months that you feel have sparked this tension and arguing between you two?

[Magic_star829]

Don't take that crap! I think either something is up with him, or he's just doing what alot of guys do, and instead of telling you he's not interested anymore, he's dropping hints and trying to get you to be the one who ends it. Stand up for yourself. Tell him you aren't going to take this treatment anymore and if he continues, it's over, or you can continue to deny it, and hang on hoping he will change, meanwhile being treated as he has been. : Hugs: Good luck.

[Scout]

Folks, do we really have enough details yet to conclude he is indeed treating her like crap? So far, it sounds to me like he is feeling super stressed out in this relationship, and it usually takes two to tango, as there are two people in a relationship.

 

sweetiepie, I'm not saying he isn't behaving in a less than ideal way, but your first post indicates this conflict is fairly recent. I assume you've had a good relationship with him otherwise if you've been together over a year, and this friction is fairly recent? I could be wrong, this is just what I'm assuming based on the current details you've given us.

[bigheart09]

How much time have you guys been spending together? Sometimes spending less time together will make you guys miss each other more. Also, when my boyfriend gets stressed and doesnt communicate, he gets easily agitated. Ask him what is going on in his life and dont make it about you. It always sucks when you get treated like crap, but maybe there is something else going on

[chigal28]

SweetiePie, is it possible that he's feeling stressed out with work, or something that doesn't necessarily have to do with the relationship? I know when I'm stressed out, I can be guilty sometimes of taking it out on the people closest to me, usually my boyfriend, and saying things I don't mean.

 

That's not to say it's a good thing to do, and I'm not saying you should excuse his behavior, because it seems like it really hurt you. I'm just offering an alternate explanation...

[SweetiePie05]

But we had a talk this morning. Before I went to work. He told me that I was acting spoiled because when we first started going out he'd take me places and we'd do alot of stuff just us two. He said that wore him out, so we don't do it anymore.

 

I guess all the arguments started when he started going back to school. and he works 4 hours at his job, after school each day. So it's getting kinda hard for him. We talk every day so I guess if he's had a hard day, i'm gonna be the first one he takes it out on. And I know since he doesn't make as much money as he used to, we can't do the things we used to do.

 

I just wish, we'd have one day where we'd get together and do something like old times. I thought he did all this stuff (suprising me with flowers, taking me out to eat, getting a room for a day just to chill with eachother alone cuz we both still live at home) because that's what he wanted to do, it's like he only did it to get me to like him, only cuz he had to.

 

I've never been in a relationship this long or these seirous before. He's already given me a promise ring. So that just makes things even harder.....i guess. Maybe I have been acting spoiled, but going from him wanting to see me all the time to him acting like I'm a job cuz I want him to come over. Is just hard for me.

[sophia66]

You know, it might be that he is stressed because of all he is going through. but, i still think he shouldnt treat u like that. when he says it worn him out to take u to places, i don't think you forced him to do all these things for you. i also think he probably enjoyed it as much. you know there are still things you can do without putting too much stress on him nor spending a lot of money. sometimes a little something can make you the happiest on earth. i would say don't expect him to call u everyday. another thing, sometimes it makes one realize what he have when he thinks he is loosing it. i found it to be true that when i act like i dont care really( let's say i would tell my boyfriend that i didnt really care that i didnt see him today, or talk to him. kind ofmaking feel that i am independent from him) that's he wants to make me depend on him.

you can also initiate something romantic even a love letter would do. this way he feels like ur supporting him. you can put in it how much you care but also how much your willing to support him and that you understand what he is going through. come up with something like write ur letter on a nice brochure that have one side blank and the other with something nice on it. or make the envolope urself(print something romantic on a paper then fold it to make it an envolope).

all of these things can calm the storm. But dont forget to also give him some space. not as in don't talk to him for days but just listen to him more. and let him be when he is too exausted. guys like us to be needy sometimes, other times they just can't stand it.

i hope i helped somehow. i've been through something similar once. i know how u might feel...oh before i forget, treat urself to something u like or go out and have as much fun as possible. feel great about urself, because if u let ursself down it won't help either of you. love urself more so he can love u..

[SweetiePie05]

Thanks sophia66 I think that is exactly what is going on with us. I hope things get better and I'll take your advice!!!!!! thanks alot guys!!!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

on the one hand, it does sounds like he is tired and stressed and overworked, so that could explain the shortness of temper.

 

but he also told you that he doesn't want to do those romantic things he did in the beginning, and you seem to be a person that wants romance. so it is possible that he thinks he shouldn't have to be romantic anymore since he now has 'got' you. and he seems to believe that you needing romantic gestures is you being 'spoiled,' i.e., he htinks he shouldn't have to do anything romantic for you and you should still be happy.

 

how much romance do you need? i think i would talk to him and tell him what you need, but agree that it doesn't have to be as often as in the beginning since he is so overworked right now. but if he refuses to give you any romance, or undercuts the need for it, you might seek out someone who is more natually romantic as a partner, rather than someone who only does it to get the person into the relationship, then doesn't want to do it at all anymore.

[rmpavlock]

There are other ways of saying he's worn out or doesn't want to do something than calling you names. That's just plain mean and degrading. It's immature. How long exactly has the argument been going on for? Is this the first time he's said something like that to you or has he been saying things like this for awhile now?