Ok, just how wrong is this?

[Cynder]

I have been married for two years. I love him dearly.

 

There is a kind of Bohemian-esque Bar I like to go to in my town. I go there so often that everyone knows me there. There is one girl who hangs out there that I have had some casuaul conversation with a few times here and there.

 

Well the last time we talked I gave her my Myspace info and she added me as a friend. The next time I logged onto Myspace she sent me a message saying "Hey, log onto AIM so we can talk." This was last night.

 

So I did, and we ended up talking on AIM for about two hours. In this conversation she told me she is in a long term relationship with a guy, but she is Bi. I have plenty of Bi friends, so obviously this doesn't bother me. But then she told me this whole time of seeing me at the bar she has basically had a crush on me.

 

I was pretty flattered in hearing this. She went on and on telling me how beautiful I am, telling me that all this time she was hoping I would notice her and feel the same way. She was telling me what a hopeless romantic she is and how she would treat me like a Goddess, etc.

 

I didn't make any plans with her or lead her to believe I was interested. But the thing is, I have been thinking about this all day long. I am just so flattered that this person feels this way. It made me really giddy her talking to me this way. Tonight when I signed onto AIM the first thing I did was look to see if she was on.

 

I realise I am probably going to get flamed for posting this. I just want some advice on this situation. I feel like I am getting a small crush on this woman. I have never swung that way before, but she is very attractive. I also know I don't want to jeapoardize what I have.

[annie24]

well, whether you are flirting with a male or female, do you think your husband would like it? do you think he would be ok with you having this on the side? I would figure out what you want, and talk to your husband and have everything out in the open. just because it's another female doesn't mean your hubby won't care....

[DN]

I agree with Annie - cheating is cheating. Whom you cheat with gender-wise is immaterial. I think you are contemplating playing with fire and both you and your husband could get burned badly.

 

Remember that the marriage vows say 'forsaking all others' not 'forsaking all other men but other women are ok'.

[Cynder]

I am not even considering cheating with her. I am just flattered as hell that this gorgeous woman is that into me. This whole time I never even realized it.

 

Truth is, my husband would probably not have a problem with some minor internet flirting like what happened last night. I honnestly don't have any intention of taking it further. I just want some advice on how to avoid putting myself in a tough spot. Should I not talk to her anymore? Should I avoid her at the bar? What should I do here?

[annie24]

well, just tell her you are flattered, but married, so it's best to keep your interactions purely platonic. don't drink too much around her, don't invite her to your place if your hubby isn't home, etc.... don't do anything that might tempt you.

[Cynder]

She also wants all of us to go out sometime, me, her, and both our men. Do you think I should?

 

The sad part is I feel like I could be really good friends with this person. We have loads in common and stuff. But the way she feels makes it awkward.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

oh, the world is full of potential good friends, so don't use that excuse as a reason to pursue someone for other reasons than friendship...

 

if you are bi-curious as they call it, then talk to your husband and see what he says... could you include a third woman in your *occasional* sexual activities with him? how do you really feel about your husband, is that relationship secure, or are you just biding time til you leave him because you are really a lesbian?

 

so don't betray you husband with a flirtation with anyone until you have examined what your motivation is... if you really love him and are having sexual thoughts about ANYONE but him, i suggest counseling together to get to the root of what is going on... sometimes boredom etc. can lead one astray, or sometimes you really are sublimating your true nature as a lesbian because you haven't accepted it.. but either way, don't hurt yourself or other people until you are sure what the right direction of your future is...

[HellFrost666]

Its called flattery and I don't think you have done anything wrong. It is perfectly normal to feel that way when someone pays attention to you. It doesn't mean you are going to cheat on your husband or (like the above poster seems to think) that you are gay.

 

I would take Annie's advice and not drink too much with her, or be alone with her.

[Clementine orange]

Playing with fire. It's fun at first but you will get burned eventually. The first thing to go is the self-respect, other things follow.

You got your compliments, ego boost and some fantasies, I'd quit while you are ahead.

(unless your husband is very open minded - approach with caution though. How would you feel if some guy was coming onto to him. Would you like to meet him?)

[Cadence308]

I agree with Clementine, "Quit while you are ahead." It is normal to be flattered when someone tells you that they have noticed you and how beautiful they think you are. You have done nothing wrong. You have been feeling giddy because of all of the attention and it's something new. If you really love your husband like you claim then you need to tell her that you are really flattered by her attraction but that you are happily married.

 

I would also stop flirting with her. Somebody is going to get hurt, esp. if she is as into you as she is letting on. If you keep flirting with her even if it's only on AIM then you will be leading her on just to get your ego stroked and I don't think that's fair to her.

 

End the flirting, only talk to her when you run into her casually in the bar, don't become friends with her, and tell her you are married. Simple as that.

[LONESOUL]

Hello Cynder~I agree with the others, it would be cheating. It could be real bad. And bring the guys...? I don't know about that...

Walk away from temptation.

Take Good Care~

Lone

[HellFrost666]

Are Annie and I the only ones reading this and actually getting it?

 

I think Cynder is well aware that taking this further is cheating. She is asking for advice on how to handle the situation as it is, not if she should take it any further.

[Cynder]

Are Annie and I the only ones reading this and actually getting it?

 

I think Cynder is well aware that taking this further is cheating. She is asking for advice on how to handle the situation as it is, not if she should take it any further.

 

Well said!

 

Also, I should say that when she suggested all of us 'going out' she didn't mean on a date. She suggested all four of us having a drink together at the bar and maybe going out to dinner. I didn't take it like she was asking me out on a date anyway.

[NKP]

Go out have drinks or dinner both your men are gunna be there, and you could always leave when you want to.

 

Like the others had said talk to you man about this tell him everything your thinking, let him know, he might be able to help you

[Clementine orange]

Sorry, I was one of the ones who didn't "get" it. Now I do though.

In my case (and your's may vary) I would be all nervous and anxiious around someone I was attracted to (and vice versa) and doubly so if my partner was in the room too.

There's nothing more irresistible than someone who finds _you_ irresistible. I'd be making excuses and some on to try to get out of this. You see, the cat is out of the bag so to speak, it's hard to get it back in again and behave like everything is normal.

 

If you think you're partner can "handle it" then maybe say something to him.

 

The first thing that came to my mind when you wrote about the double date situation was umm...swapping etc. Then again, I have a dirty mind.