The question we all want answered?????!!!

[romanticlover]

Yeah, the teste things might not work.

Great advice from you guys. I'm That Girl, great perspective. Finally a positive yet clear one. Hearing what you say is very positive, yet when I hear stuff like that, I get hope and start to have faith and feel things will work out their own way. I do need to take a step back and figure out what is best for me. Being friends with her is possible, but I am very sexually attracted to her, she knows it and we have been hooking up lately. She is not turning me down cause I guess she knows how good it is with me. On paper, black and white, she is not a match for me in a technical way. Meaning, our lifestyles, background, goals, etc are totally different and she is waaaaaaaay behind me. What I hold onto is the feelings, intimacy, emotions we shared like I have with no other person. Also she was saying things to me I have been wanting to hear without me even saying I wanted to hear them. Omg i'm gonna marry you, I want your babies, I'm so in love with you, you're the one for me. She said all that to me and I fell for her back and I have never been like that with anyone else. Never said those kinda things or heard them.

From her past it seems like she may have said those things to other guys. Do people do that?

Thant's why it's hard to let go. 32 years and I felt that I finally met the one. No more games, etc etc....I was so convinced that I was complete. This space she needs, who knows what might happen. I just need to start focusing on me and the rest will work out.

[blender]

YOU are complete.. on your own.. and once you set your standards/values in place, thee right girl will be by your side, through thick and thin, shared dreams, encouraging each others goals, equal two way street of love and affection.. give her the time and space, and give it to yourself and well.. I'd try to go "no contact" for awhile..it's the only way the ex has the opportunity to disover the "authentic, mature, realistic, feelings" they have for you... if they do not "discover" these feelings, at least you have then taken this time to start your healing...

[ImThatGirl]

Romantic - I feel for ya, I really do!

 

To answer that question.... Do girls say that? Mmm hhmmmm - But not unless they really see a future with someone, I hope.

 

Take some "you" time. I know it will be hard to separate from this. You don't have to. Just keep her at an arms length distance. At this point, anything can happen. But you both need to determine what you want in life first.

[romanticlover]

Well I had a chat with her today and I am going to start moving on. She said she doesn't know what the future holds and right now she doesn't want to be in a relationship, so I really need to move on and get my act together again. At times I feel strong, confident and happy about this, but then it's that easy to sink back down again. She wants to be friends and it's hard especially around the hollidays. I had planned on getting her some really cool stuff to show her how much I care. Should I? Not sure. My heart tells me one thing, my mind and wallet another lol.

This has been the hardest relationship for me so far and I am 32. It was so short, but full of so much good and bad. I have gotten back with ex's before after a year goes by so who knows what will happen. But for now I need to move on and not kiss her * * * so much and even as a friend just not be there as much.

[Budman]

thank you frisco, if you're ever up my way we definitely should!

 

Romantic I'm going to sound very very mean/pesimistic.

 

One.

 

Do not I repeat do not get her anything more.

 

Two.

 

She is dead to you, she repeatedly told you no she does not want a relationship

 

Three (optional)

 

Has she shown that she really cares for you as a friend? Should she be a friend, wouldn't that possibly hamper future relationships?

 

Four:

She's dead to you

 

Five:

 

Go meet greet and have fun!

[friscodj]

^ Another good one Budman...

 

In order to "move on" from this, you have to move on. That means, you have to progress forward and what has happened with this woman has to stay behind. To do that, there has to be a clear, definite, and sure separation from the situation in your mind. That means, no "a year from now who knows", and no "friendship" (notice quotes). "Being friends" is a heavily overused term related to people we have romantic feelings for or such a history with. In order to be true friends, I believe you have to want to be friends and nothing more.

 

Trust me when I tell you I have faced this problem with many different women, waited, waited, and waited, and tried everything to win them over. It just doesn't work like that man. There is a precedent established between you guys, a chemistry, a way. I have gotten together with women in situations like this and the relationship becomes an extension of the situation as it is now!

 

With your feelings and description of this situation expressed here, you're realistically not "just" going to be able to keep her at arms length in a manner that is productive for you. Don't kid yourself. Sure you can fake it, put on a good show for her with a "friendship" that shows your feelings match hers and that the "door is open", but deep inside, this will tear you apart. I guarantee it.

 

With that said, I also believe you aren't going to listen to this advice, I can already tell. I don't believe for a second you have the necessary conviction in your heart to begin "moving on" from this. So remember we will always be here to listen and offer advice to you whenever you might need it.

[Juha]

Let's see... She left, would not talk about us or why she left...

 

Lied about how and why we broke up then would call/text me all the time for nothing and be angry to me...Oh and she left her things at my house and did not get them until I just dropped them at her house...

 

Told me she would talk with me about our relationship when she was ready..A year and a half later still waiting for that talk...

 

Told me she wanted to be friends and I said no so she got angry and did not understand...Asked me why I hated her so much? LOL!!!

 

 

And yes some women say the same things to all the guys they are with because they are weak, immature, have no clue what they want and will take anything they can get so they are not alone...

 

Follow one thing: They do not exist anymore!!!!! EVER!!!!!

[romanticlover]

Unreal stuff guys. Talked to the ex today and had a few things said that kinda made me upset. Was feeling down. I have been seeing another x of mine out and I said hi to her and she wrote me an email saying how it was so nice that I said hi to her. This girl broke my heart a while ago, and we got back together twice. Well she called me today and we talked for a little. I told her I had broken up with my girl, etc and she poured out he rheart to me. How she went to counseling, changed her thoughts, has a better job, etc and how she was so thankful for everything I did for her, putting up with her issues, being there for her etc. We broke up back in February and this was our second time around. She also used the needing space thing to me.

Well she came clean and said some really nice things to me and I was touched. After all this time she was mature enough to thank me and apologize for acting the way she did. She is 34.

I was on my way somewhere and decided to not go there, called her, and she invited me over to go out. So I went over, he hings out, talked, ate, and started making out, hugging and it felt like yesterday. Granted I am still hung up on my recent x and kissing this girl was not the same. Everything felt so good with this recent x, and she was more my type. But this old x has so much more going for her. She talked about marriage, kids, etc and she said she always saw me as a family guy and that what she would like in her life now. Just can't believe how odd that is.

Now I'm even more confused and all I thought about was my x on the way home how it felt so much better kissing her, etc.

What should I do?

The other x said she never lost feelings for me and still does after all this time....insane

[Budman]

your first Ex is history (the one that left you)

 

the new ex apparently wants to be with you agian

 

Just remember you're going to need time to heal, and let her know that

 

But don't shut her out because of the one that left you.

 

the one that broke it off is history, no more not in your life anymore no chance to come back If you look at it that way, it might clear it up for you a bit.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

whoa, whoa, WHOA! put down the old ex-girlfriend and back away slowly!

 

DON'T jump back in with another ex- right in the middle of breaking up with the more recent ex-... you are very confused right now and that is like digging up a rusty WWII grenade in your back yard and deciding it might be fun to play badmitten with it!

 

either your feelings weren't as strong as you thought for the more recent ex (in which case it is GOOD you are breaking up with her), or you are just grabbing any woman who waves her fanny in your face because you are hurting and not thinking clearly.

 

i think you need to give yourself time to heal, and hang with your buddies for a while, and don't repeat an OLD bad mistake because a NEW mistake is making you feel lonely.

 

breaking up is miserable, but you may be signing yourself up for a double dose of misery by jumping back into something that is familiar, but wasn't right the first time, probably isn't right now.

 

go have a beer with your buddies, and scope out some new women, but from AFAR until you get a chance to get some perspective and healing from the last breakup.

[romanticlover]

Thanks for the advice guys. My recent ex called me today and was saying all this sexual stuff to me and really flirting hardcore. She was saying she wants me to come over sunday. She even made a kiss to me on the phone. Now the OLD ex is being really sweet to me. She really is more at a point in her life that is more compatible with me. However, I am being cautious and my heart is with my recent ex. I am more sexually attracted to my recent ex than the old one. I mean we just go at it. The old ex its more intellectual and she has a lot more going on for her and I can trust her a lell of a lot more. I'm thinking of just getting action from the recent ex and not pestering her anymore about getting back with her. Strictly business if you know what I mean. I just don't want to miss out on something that might be good for me with someone that actually has feelings for me. Yes she is an ex, but she blamed herself, got help, and said I was perfect through all of her troubles and something always brings us back together and we always have a connection. This is harder now than before lol. I hate to say but it will be very hard to resist my recent ex especially sexually. She is amazing and we just are wild together and she is much sexier than my old ex. Even kissing isn't the same comparing the old to the new one. I'm just going to play it cool and see what happens. I bet if my recent ex knows that I'm talking to my old one, she will be pretty mad and jealous. What to do.....

[romanticlover]

My recent x and I were txting last night late and it got pretty raunchy. She turns me on like no other girl. She is also very attractive. My old es also called and we talked for a while and she is saying all the right things man. She is more open, flirting with me, talking about a future, family, saying how she still cares and respects me. Totally different aproach than the recent one. Also I knew the olf ex for like 5-6 years compared to this latest for like 3 months. I can totally trust my old ex but not the recent one. Only prob is that I am so turned on by her and not as much from the old ex, but the old ex really has a lot going for her, is more mature, etc. I also don't feel much towards her cause of what happened, but it sparked an interest. We were very close at one point, but I have lost a lot of attractrion towards her, but could be regained. And it seems she really wants me back. What do I do? My recent sexy ex wants to hang out sunday, she tells me all this dirty stuff that I love and seems to just be into sex and she drives me insane sexually. The old ex wants to hang out and be more mature and build something for long term.....but I am not as sexually into her right now and I can't compare the 2.

[annie24]

why not go for option #3? A new woman?

[friscodj]

Wow, RL, I can certainly see why your head and heart are spinning into orbit right now man! :shocked!:

 

There is so much going on right now with this situation that developed so suddenly it's almost emotionally unmanageable. It sounds like you are in many senses caught up in the drama and sexually-charged tension here.

 

You ask what you should do. You need to figure out what you want. I think the current state of affairs is too confused to be able to really figure anything out with surety and conviction, but I do see glimpses of direction with this. I would let this percolate a while, take some steps back from both of these women and situations. If any situation I have ever heard of with someone needing "space", it is you my friend.

 

After you decide what want in a relationship, you should look at the whole picture, what has happened, what is happening now, and what you think will happen later on. Trust your perception and judgement.

 

At some point, a hard decision needs to be made I think. At least one or both of these women will need to be let go of. There is just too much emotional fire here to think otherwise. Realize that and realize it is necessary. Get ready for it.

[romanticlover]

Well I got played out last night by the recent ex. Here's what happened. I was invited to go to a loft party from my old ex which was gonna be a chill party and good company. I told her i'd probably go. Meanwhile my recent ex calls and we get into talking. She had suspected me of talking to my ex cause she left me a myspace happy thankgiving comment. So I said it was no big deal. She was getting all mad, etc but meanwhile it's ok for her to do what she wants and say what she wants. So we got into talking then it turned into this heavy sexual stroll down memory lane and we just had a hot conversation about us sexually. So strong that she was like I want u to come over. I said ok. Only prob was that her daughter was up and this kid has a hard time going to bed. It was around 10 pm and she said let me try to get her to bed. So my old ex messages me asking if I'm still going. Keep in mind this girl has her act together, wants to start fresh with me, won't play games and I can trust her. BUT there was some damage done and I am nto attracted to her in the way I am my recent ex. I told her I was tired and I might show up.. She replied to be sad but said good night in a nice way. So I am laying there debating what to do. The loft party was close to my recent ex's house, but was just going to wait for teh call to come over from my recent x.

12 am rolls around and no txt......I txt old ex to see how the party was and she said it was good and hw she wishes I was there. Was sweet of her. But I said I was tired. I then txt recent ex and no response. Then I get a call from recent ex and her daughter must have dialed cause she was talking to me and she is 2 yrs old. I heard my ex in th ebackground and sounded like she was sleeping, and then hung up the phone. 130, 200 and nothing. I got played out and lost out on hanging with someone that was really looking forward to me going.

I am pissed. I understand cause of her daughter, but be respectful enough to call me and let me know. Then she said she is going out to the movies and lunch with her ex husband, but she doesn't see him that way and she only wants to be intimate with me. Sh ethen said when he left the other day she tried to feel him up and she got no response from him. She said she was trying to see if she still had it to him and I guess he ignored it. I said that was very rude and how can I not be enough to show you you are sexy. I was pissed. I know that the focus is sexual, but she knows feelings are involved and still plays mind and heart games. I said what if I went out with my ex to hang. She said no she won't let me. Unreal. I'm so wraped up sexually and have love for this girl, but it's holding me back from maybe rebuilding something strong and solid from someone else. I kinda feel like a player especially what happened the other night with my old ex. And I am so confused on what to do. I am trying to take a step back, but my heart and harmones are raging and I have a possibility with one for something good, but a sexual adventure and emotional rollercoaster with another. UGHHH.....The recent ex keeps telling me that no one can make her feel like I do, etc etc and I feel the same about her. I know if I ever got involved with another girl, my recent ex would try to ruin it I know it. She would tempt me sexually and not let anything happen. BUT she would do what she wants I bet...

[romanticlover]

Hey guys I have an update that will blow you guys away. I am going to be completely honest as you guys have been able to help me and I respect all of you and thank you all for helping me through this.

I made a post not too long ago about something that happened with my recent ex. When we were together, we talked abotu marriage, kids, future, etc. and things were great. Since we thought we found eachother, she used to tell me she wanted to have a child with me and she was so in love with me, wanted to start a family, etc. Well she did end up getting pregnant. She has 2 kids already from her previous marriage and relationship which is rough and she had really bad complications. Well when she found out she was pregnant, she started to change her ways and that is when things went downhill. She told me from her last pregnancies that she became very depressed, miserable, nasty and hated everything. Well she was like that with me. Didn't want me around, wanted to break up, wasn't sure what she wanted, etc.

I told her I wanted to have the baby and would take care of if and would start a family with her. She did not want it as she felt there were too many complications in her life, 2 kids, etc. She went to the doctor and the doctor said there could be complications based on her last deliveries. She decided to not have the baby and we were both very upset about it. I tried to talk to her and prayed, but she made her choice.

This was about a week ago she had the procedure.

If you have been keeping up with my posts, you will see what has been going on. My old ex back in the picture, my recent ex not sure what she wants....

Well.....yesterday we hung out (recent ex) and we wathched a movie, talked, and as I mentioned, we have a very strong sexual connection. We started going at it, making love, but not sex cause of her surgery, just holding and soft love making. Well she said to me now I know why I fell for you. And she said I love you soo much. I was blown away!!!! I didn't want to question her and just wanted to go with it. The night was great. We were so passionate and she seemed almost like her old self.

All day today she has been telling me she loves me so much, can't be without me and that her pregancy really messed her head up and that is why she had many problems in her last relationships. She said she has a clear head again and she is starting to act like the girl that I fell in love with when we first met! I am taking it easy and not going to break down and act all mushy, gonna hold my ground. But I can't believe she is acting this way. Like the old her is back! I'm assuming a woman can help me here on this issue.

Now, for the record, my recent ex is amazing to me in an emotional, sexual, lovy dovey way that I have always wanted. I do feel it's hard to trust her based on some things that happened in the past. She has no career, hardly makes any money, no car, lives in a really bad area and 2 kids. BUT she makes me happy in a way that I have always wanted.

The old ex, who is showing interest in me again, has a great job, education, car, ambitious, and is much more clear headed on her life and emotions. We also have a connection that is different from my recent ex. I jole around more and act more like a friend with my old ex, with my recent ex, it's much more of a deep sexual, cuddly relationship and I am much more attracted to my recent ex physically.

What to do? My heart is telling me to hang on to my recent ex and work things out cause she is acting like her old self now she is a bit better. However, I see more of a solid future with my old ex on paper, however she did break my heart and really mess me up years go, but recently told me she was so sorry, went for help and was so thankful for me putting up in her worst. Tough times here.....

I am sorry that this happened and I pray for forgiveness. I am posting this here because all of you are forgiving and understanding and I trust you guys cause we all are going through something hard in our lives. I can only talk to you guys like this.

Thanks

[romanticlover]

Last night we hung out all night and had a good time. It seems all we do is sexual stuff. I'm actually starting to be turned on less. I wonder if it's because I was so torn before from her and my emotions are telling me to chill. She was telling me she loves me and wants to be my girlfriend again and she feels so strongly again towards me. She is a bit jealous of the ex as I told her she contacted me. I know that sometimes people act out just on jealousy and just cause they want you for themselves, but I think it's different with her. I think the old ex gets the hint as I have not been calling her or wanting to hang out so she might give up I feel and I might loose something good. I don't want to loose the sexual attraction I had, but it seems to be diminishing a bit when we had intercourse. I used to be so erect and could go many times, now after I ejaculate, or even just be4 we start, I tend to loose it a bit. Anyways, I hope I'm on the right track here and hope I am doing the right thing by following my heart.

[blender]

following your "heart?".. are you sure your not talking about another body part here?

[need2bme]

She can find friends elsewhere buddy. And there is no such thing as a true friendship when the hearts aren't in alignment. What you have there is one person, i.e., you, giving up your heart and soul in ultimately futile attempts to "win" her over and change her heart. The End.

 

I have been there too many times and I would rather bungie jump off the Hoover Dam with the cord attached to my balls than go through that again. Perhaps you should learn the same lessons I did?

 

Frisco, I love you man! Truer words never spoken.

 

following your "heart?".. are you sure your not talking about another body part here?

 

Blender, that is EXACTLY what I was thinking with...