ex calls wants to meet me, thanksgiving plans PLS HELP!!!!

[confused_forever]

hey ya'll. i desperately need some help and insight to what im going through right now. im 35, he's 30. i really dont know what to do and i hope an outsider can at least shed some knowledge to me, since im so blinded by this situation. i really need help with this.

 

about 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend whom i LOVED very much of 2.5 years stopped talking to me for a week. we got into a fight, like we had been for the last month. i sent him a long email pretty much spilling everything what was wrong in our relationship after his silence, and was really distraught that he couldnt even offer me any closure to this. we fight a lot for reasons that stemmed to him pulling away emotionally, his internet porn habit and, quite frankly, our lack of intimicy. he's been selfish for the last 6 months and it's really dragged me down and my confidence had hit an all time low. i am NOT an unconfident person, mind you. so in that email i said that ive had it, and him not speaking to me or dealing with this just proves how selfish he is. that its always about him.

 

well, the next day he calls me. tells me he's not happy and wants to break up. i was SHOCKED. i couldnt believe that he didnt even want to work things out. BUT i am a grown woman, and took it for what it was, and said ok after asking if this is REALLY what he wanted. he said it was. fine. NC began.

 

i broke NC a week into it, sending an email on friday night telling him that i missed him terribly. i couldnt help it. i did. I DO! i mean, we've spent so much time together and i thought he was the one i would marry. ive never felt this way about any other man ive dated. ever. well, he calls me the next day and we speak about what we've been up to that week. nothing serious at all, just catch up for about a half hour. he said he had to go. i said bye.

 

this afternoon, his best friend calls me. i talk to him and tell him im depressed because the love of my life broke up with me. he was shocked that this was the first hes ever heard of it. Yep. his friend wasnt even informed and they talk every day. so 2 weeks. he tells his best friend nothing. he was upset and couldnt understand why he had done that. he said we were his favorite couple ever. i get off the phone with him, do some things around the house then go to my friends house.

 

i checked my email there and saw an email sent from him. saying he just tried to call me. whatever, i wasnt home. so i got back home, saw that he tried to call twice, so i called him back. he sounded in such a good mood, our conversation was awesome but we didnt even touch upon any personal issues again. this went on for about an hour. i kept thinking to myself. awesome. he wants to get back together with me. we're meeting up in 2 days to hang out and also asked me if i still wanted to go to his parents house for Thanksgiving. i was so happy. mind you, I LOVE HIS FAMILY, though he doesnt. i said YES.

 

so im happy and smiling then i text his friend the update. well, his friend calls me back all pissed and said, that's BULLSH*T. i said, what. he said that BULLSH*T. he said he talked to him today, told him he spoke with me and said i told him that he dumped me and if it was true. and my ex-bf said, yeah, didnt i tell you that. and then he dropped the subject. so now my ex-bf's best friend tells me not to give in too easily and ask for an explanation of why he wants to see me and have me go to THanksgiving dinner with his family.

 

i am DEVISTATED and CONFUSED. i dont know what to do or think. im thinking he's now using me just to feel better about himself. what am i to think? what the hell is going on here? do i even meet up with him in 2 days?

 

can someone please fill me in because i am too blind to see the facts.

 

i really appreciate all of your responses. i am losing it.

[FortunateOne]

Well, he is as confused as you are. I'd say stay positive with the communication for now and wait for one of those real honest and peaceful conversation moments to ask what happened with out arguing about it. Take it day by day for now and do positive things to maintain and heal the relationship.

[mattyk]

It seems like he may be mucking you around. Make sure you clarify things before spending any more time with him.

 

It may be that he wants to be broken up but that he still wants to spend couple-time with you. You need to find this out now because otherwise it will cause more pain in the end.

[Hope75]

Hi There and Welcome to Enotalone!

 

I think involving his best friend in the turmoil between you two was your first mistake. From now on I would leave him out of it- and communicate directly with your ex.

 

Secondly, if you want to see what his intentions are, than go with him on Thankgiving. And ask him what he's doing. Don't let him give you some lame cop out excuse like, "we're just going to dinner".

 

You shouldn't have to be strung along, and if that's what he's doing, than you best get out before it gets worse.

[confused_forever]

yes, the best friend thing, well, honestly, i thought he knew about it. that wasnt my intention to involve him.

 

as far as my ex goes, im thinking of calling this all off. i think he might be just using me trying to make himiself feel better, ie not lonely. typical behaviour, really...he's selfish, so why would i expect him to behave any differently. after his friends reaction to hearing he wanted to see me on tuesday and also have me go to his family's dinner on thurday, i'd have to say there was something there that they spoke of that he didnt tell me. i just dont understand why his best friend would be so shocked at this, while telling me to keep my ground and regain control of the situation. he said its NOT right, and he was quite adamant. never heard him react that way.

 

i dont know. i sit here in limbo trying to understand why my ex is doing this to me. has anyone experienced this setup before? i just cant figure out if he's trying to get me back with him, esp. that he's asked me to go to his family's dinner. and if i were to go, wouldnt it be a little weird that an ex-gf showed up? i think so.

 

help!

[onelittleladybug]

I completely agree with Hope75 - I would definitely leave the friend out of this and my bet is thats why your ex hasnt told him. I think that its really important in a relationship that your loyalty stays with your partner and even after a breakup its important to keep it that way. My ex told me he didnt want to discuss our relationship with anyone in case we would get back together he wouldnt want anyone in his family to dislike me.

 

I wouldnt take it that he is stringing you along if he invites you to see his family for thanksgiving. It sounds like he's having second thoughts about the breakup.

 

A loaded letter like the one you sent will almost always lead to a breakup. In the future maybe think about waiting until you actually get a chance to talk and do so in increments, dont dump everything on him. It sounds like you totally exploded. Maybe he didnt feel like he had a choice. I dont know you or him but Im just throwing it out there. Sometimes its good to look at things from a different perspective.

 

Im not so sure that its a good timing for you to get back together though as honestly you sound really mad at him and it sounds like you dont respect him. Its completely normal for you to feel that way if you are disappointed, but the problem is things arent gonna go very well if you 50% love him and 50% disrespect him. Maybe you should wait until you 100% love him again?

 

Just a thought.