Let's be optimistic about shyness!!!

[stopit]

People always post asking whether they ought to work up the courage to talk to someone they like, what approaches to use when doing so, etc. But they don't always post back to say how things went!

 

So instead of looking for condolences that we won't all die having never loved because of accursed timidity, I want to hear your success stories and how you overcame shyness and successfully landed in a relationship. Whether you made the first move or not - as long as it's a success story!

 

Unless... there is absolutely no hope for us shy people and we're all destined to content ourselves with a bunch of rhetorical questions ("What if I had done this...?") and die utterly lonely...

[laboheme]

I was shy for the first 18 years of my life...In fact, I would say that I'm still shy. However, the summer after high school, I found myself very attracted to a coworker. I knew that I only had a limited amount of time to get to know him before going to college in a different state. I spent many agonizing hours pining over him.. coming in to check my schedule whenever he was working, or coming in under the pretense of visiting my friend...But I never talked to him unless we were in a situation where we were required to talk.

 

Well, one day, I decided to be brave and ask him to a movie...but couldn't bring myself to do that. I spent a good 30 minutes writing The Perfect text message (if only I put that much effort into editing my school essays!)...and one of my good friends had to press the Send button while two others were physically holding me down so that I wouldn't stop her from sending it.

 

He agreed, and we had a two year relationship following that...But that was definitely a time when I "overcame" my shyness with the help of my friends...Now I feel like I could do it again on my own...but that remains to be seen.

[pianoguy]

Here's a funny story.

 

I'm both shy and gay. I never thought that I would ever have a boyfriend- first I had to locate an attractive guy, then I had to insure that he was gay, then I had to make sure that he liked me, then I had to make sure he wasn't taken, then I had to ask him out... it seemed impossible.

 

Anyways, I decided to try internet dating. I did a couple of dates and they were dreadfully boring, but they helped get my confidence up. Eventually I went out with a guy from my town. He was alright, not tremendously attractive, but reasonably nice. I was feeling rather horny that night so I practically seduced him and we had sex- I had my first kiss and lost my virginity in the same night. I was 21.

 

A year later we are still dating. I would venture that we are pretty deeply in love- are personalities are pretty much perfectly matched. He has become a lot more attractive in my eyes since that day. I fully expect that we will be married within a couple of years.

[pianoguy]

Well, apparently there are no other success stories about shyness.

 

C'mon people- there must be someone.

[Weeblie]

Well this was kind of a success story for me...but not exactly.

Like LaBoheme I had a huge crush on one of my co-workers. He actually took me out to lunch one time, but I was so nervous I couldn't eat and barely talked to him. After that I decided to loosen up and ask him out. It took me two whole weeks to finally get the courage to do that.

 

I actually ended up losing some weight because I made myself so nervous...I couldn't eat. Everyday I would tell myself to ask him out and somehow the timing was never right. Well on a Friday I went up to him and said...Do you think we could hang out some time? Out side of work?

He said sure...and we were supposed to meet up with me and my friends for drinks later that night. Then he invited me to go out with him and his friends to the beach on Saturday.

 

Well turns out that another reason I lost so much weight and wasn't feeling hungry was because I had caught strep throat. Then because that wasn't weird enough...I managed to get pink eye too.

So I had to cancel on him. Things kind of went downhill from there. But I think it was a success because I had overcome a little bit of my shyness. Asking a guy out still makes me nervous, but at least I don't make myself sick anymore.

[stopit]

Well, apparently there are no other success stories about shyness.

 

Lol, I was going to say...

 

Thanks for the stories though! It's good to know that some people are making progress and overcoming their shyness!

[Kevin T]

I wonder if I will be able to overcome my shyness with girls?

[healinginnyc81]

I was Extremely shy until I was 20. Thats when I made the decision to start working in customer service just to learn to talk to people. That was my first success in somewhat overcoming shyness. I was able to talk to random people and chat a little bit with both customers and my coworkers. That helped my confidence.

 

The next step for me was when I decided to go back to college at 21. I had never dated, or even kissed at that point. I really wasn't even good at making male friends forget trying to talk to a girl. But I made a commitment to talk to everyone I could, specifically: people who were my neighbors, and people who sat around me in class. I learned to make friends and even overcame my anxiety in chatting with girls.

 

The real success came in my second semester when I met my first gf. She was in one of my classes and it took me a month but i finally introduced myself to her after class one day. I didnt ask her out yet though. A couple weeks later a mutual friend told me this girl would be hanging out with her at a laccrosse game. I went to the game - I was pretty nervous - but I didn't try too hard to be cool or anything, I just let my true personality shine. After that day, we started dating. We dated for almost 3 years.

 

That would be my success story. All of you who are shy can overcome it, it takes some determination and a lot of practice. Go out of your normal circles, join clubs, organizations, something, anything to practice and face your anxiety head on. If you really think about it, whats the worst that can happen if you mess up and say the wrong thing to a girl, instead of saying nothing at all?

 

I'm still working on it, I've messed up many times, but I've come a long way.

 

Good luck.