who should call who? will he come back?

[lleessaaaa]

my ex and i were together for 3 years. and he broke up with me about a week ago. he says he doesnt want to be in a relationship where there is no communication adn trust. but the thing is, he's the one that doesnt open up or is not understanding, and he gives me reasons not to trust him. he also said that he feels like he doesnt have time to keep me happy and to keep a healthy relationship. but the thing is, we did have a good relationship..we had a great relationship. we were good friends before we started dating. and we dated for a year and a half before becoming committed to each other. i know for a fact that he still loves me and cares about me. and i think he's just overwhelmed with school, work, and family. one of my good firends talked to him when we broke up, and she says he's really unsure of himself and he's afriad that this might be a mistake.

 

i feel like he's just taking the easy way out.

 

so its been one week...we barely talk. he said he wants space because he doesnt want to come running back. how long do i have to wait before we start talking again? and should i let him call me? or do i make the move and call him? i feel like i shouldnt call because i dont want to seem desperate and weak, or suffocate him.

 

i still have hope in him though, and i still have hope that we might get back together. im just scared that if we dont keep contact, he might actually move on. but at the same time..he might miss what we had and he will come back.

[freedom]

my opinon is you should accept that the relationship is over. Hoping is a bad thing because you leave yourself hanging.

As of now, the relationship has ended and you have to find your own way. Give him the space that he asked for but dont wait for him. Move on withyour life.

[scsavino]

Personally, I never give up hope. I think when two people love each other and then one seems to be going through something and they require space, it should be given. Its hard to do, believe you me, since I am going through it right now. What I have decided to do is be patient. I know we are better together than we would ever be apart. I know that if there was no cheating or mistrust, then things will probably work itself out.

Give him time and space.

If you choose to be wait and be patient, then do that.

No one can tell you what you should be doing because no one is in your situation.

Be strong.

[Firedancer03]

I agree with scsavino on this one. I am going through the exact same thing right now with my (ex)bf, who broke up with me for similar reasons. My advice; don't close all doors yet. I know its hard to do especially when 95% of the people on these boards will give the whole "move on, its over, don't hope for reconcilliation, etc" advice. To be perfectly honest, no one in my real life whom I've asked advice from about my breakup has ever told me to just accept that its over and move on. I don't think that is the right approach for every situation. You cannot apply one breakup rubrick to every single relationship out there. No one on these boards can say, "When someone says its over, its over for good" about every single breakup in the world, unless of course they are an omnipotent presense and are inside the head of every single male and female out there.

 

Maybe I am a hopeless romantic, but I believe that you cannot apply logic to matters of the heart. If two people truly love each other, things will work out. The truth is, you see all these people "doing NC" and going through all these strategies to try and "lure" their ex back. Love is not a game like that. So don't take every single piece of advice here as truth; every situation is different. Do what you feel is best for YOU (not him)!

 

Give him the space that he needs. Be patient. Believe. Dont let negativity bring you down. Remember, you know your (ex)bf more than anybody else out there, and certainly better than any one of us. Take some time away from him to heal yourself from the pain of the breakup and get a clear picture of the relationship. In time, your heart will tell you what to do and how to approach the situation. Remember, every breakup/dumper is different . Good luck and hang in there.

[lleessaaaa]

now i have another question, if i do start to date other people, do i tell him? cause after all, he is and has been my friend for years..then my boyfriend, he was literally my best friend and my boyfriend.

 

and if anything, if he does choose to come back and i did date some people, wouldnt he have the right to know?

[scsavino]

For me, I have chosen not to see anyone else. Not because he asked me not to (he wants to keep on the diamond he gave me) but because I love HIM. I can not see myself just going out with whoever. It's him who I want to be with and I will be patient and wait and see what happens. I believe love, real true love comes around once. Sure, you date and you meet people but then you meet this person, who like I said, if there is a bump in the road where they require sone space to get their heads together, you give it to them and be patient. You arent being a doormat. You are just loving that person.

Its up to you if you want to see other people.

I know I can't. I just dont want to.

[Firedancer03]

Well, that is up to you to decide. My feelings are similar to scsavino's. I don't feel ready to date anyone else. I don't want to date anyone else right now because I can't see myself with anyone else but him. I love him and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. And not only do I not wish to date, but even if I did start dating someone else, it would not be fair to that person. Like scasavino, I am being patient.

 

Now, if you want to date other people and you feel like you are ready, don't let anything stop you. You are single now and you have the right to date whomever you wish. If you want to date, don't sit around and wait because you think this will prevent him from getting back with you. First of all, it won't, if he wants you back, nothing will stop him. Also, you should be doing whats best for you right now, not whats best for him. If in the event he does come back to you and you had dated others, I think you should do whats best for you (in terms of telling him). Some will say its none of their business what happened while you were broken up, but others will say you should be upfront and honest with them. So that is a decision you will have to make for yourself. But if he straight out asks you if you were with anyone else during the time you two were separated, by all means you should be honest with him.

[terk2021]

A good friend of mine gave me advice about 3 months ago on my ex. I did not take it, and I regret it. Tell him in a letter, or email, that you are moving on with your life. It's not giving him an ultimatum, but let him know you are moving forward. If you meet someone during that timeframe, you do, but you are not out to find someone... If you are available when he is ready, then you are, and it's meant to be.

 

I have not been giving my ex space, because she has asked for it twice, and came back very quickly each time I did not contact her. Since, I have been trying to win her back, and it's been a rough 4 months of wondering where she is, what she is doing...

[trident]

Every situation is different, so the value of any advice you get will vary. I will pass along what a close friend recently told me:

 

"You need to get over her first. It's just the way it works. Even if you two were to get back together, it's not going to happen until you get over her."

 

I think he's right. You gotta move on & what will be will be. Don't disregard opportunities which may arise no matter which direction they may lead you.

[nadine_3110]

Hey, I say don't give up hope. But don't feed off it either. I agree with Trident. There's a chance he'll come back, but there's a chance he won't. Don't call him, he wants space, give it to him. Right now he's thinking he's better off without you but one day he MIGHT realize that he's not. Let him breathe, don't suffocate him. What I suggest (having been through this too) is letting him get on with his life. You don't have to know everything that he does. Cut him off from you, he thinks he can live without you, show him how wrong he is. If you have any mutual friends, tell them that you don't wanna know the things that he does and doesn't do, the ppl he goes out with, what he says about you. I know you ABSOLUTELY want to know, but you can't move on yourself if you keep clinging to him. Hey, my guy came back after 7 months (only 3 months of previous dating), yours might to. So basically, live your life and let him live his.

Good luck!