Option 1,2 or 3? Please need opinions!!

[imsoinlovewithher]

I have a problem and I've thought of three ways of dealing with it. I don't want to do any of them but I'm going to have to do something. I really really need to hear which one people think I should do. I'm going to put a little background down now. If, however, you are reading this and you're in any way familiar with my situation (I've posted so many threads about this girl!!) you can skip to the bottom if you like. Thank you.

 

Problem

 

I'm in love with my best friend. She's straight.

 

• I get really down when she feels down
  
• This means I find it really hard to help her feel better
  
• Other friends make her feel better
  
• So I feel crap
  
• I'm insanely insecure with our friendship
  
• My mood swings are unbelieveable, high one minute completely down the next
  

 

I'm really scared of losing her. that is my worst fear.

I see her every day at college and something small will happen, like she'll talk to another friend in a class instead of me or we won't have much to say to eachother or she'll not seem interested in what i have to say, and I feel sooo bad. I feel down, irritated, worthless. Just like * * * *.

She's been noticing my mood swings lately, and as the great friend that she is she tries to make me feel better by asking what is wrong. We've had four or five chats in the last month where I feel crap and she listens to some bull * * * * that comes out of my mouth cos I can't tell her the real reason I feel crap beacsue I think that if I tell her things won't be the same between us.

 

We had another chat today. I felt crap cos she was starting to feel down and I didn't feel like I could help her. she perked up (her other friend cheered her up. i seem to lack the capacity to do that) but I remained irritated at myself for letting my mood go from happy to insanely down in an instant. She asked me what was wrong. I told her Im insecure about our friendship and that I was scared of losing her. She told me not to be daft and I'll never lose her (she's said this sort of thing to me countless times before as well.) That made me feel a bit better but I just KNOW that im going to feel down again, probably tomorrow. I don't entirely understand why that happens to me but she's going to get sooo sick of resassuring me if it keeps happening.

 

So I think my options are

 

1. Brush it off and tell her Im feeling much better and try and ignore it a bit longer
   
2. Tell her that it's something I don't understand. Tell her I'm insecure about our friendship. ThatI get down when she feels down cos I feel useless. Maybe tell her I get jealous of her friend. Basically tell her everything apart from the fact that Im in love with her
   
3. Just tell her the whole truth. I'm in love with her and let her decide what she wants to do with that information.
   

 

Number one is very temporary. I'll probably feel crap seconds after she stops paying attention to me.

Number two gets complicated and messy in my head, cos I'm kind of lying but I might feel better letting some stuff out.

Number three is something I really don't want to do cos surely our friendship can't be the same after I tell her something like that?

 

Which number would you pick? Or can anyone suggest a number 4?

[Beec]

I am a straight guy, as straight as straight can be. Being one, I know a thing or two about getting women, for the right reasons as well as the wrong ones. No. 3 would not be the way to do it. If you want to reveal your desire for her, then you should just make a move on her.

[freedom]

option 4:

DISTANCE YOURSELF from this friendship and give it space.

You want more from the friendship then she does. From what i gather you are a female and she is a female. She may not be into the lesbian relationship as you might be.

Your moods are swinging up and down, you are frustrated and insecure because you want her to feel as much about you as you do about her. It isnt going to happen.

I am sorry to say that you may have to distance yourself to stablise yourself. This friendship is not healthy for you anymore even though she and you 'care'. In the end it is superfical actions that is hurting you. Walk away for a while to gather yourself

[imsoinlovewithher]

But she'll want to know why im distancing myself, we're that close that I seriously would have to explain. Also, I don't want to do that lol But if i did, I would have to tell her.

 

I know it isn't going to happen between us...ever.

 

You're probably right when you say the friendship isn't healthy for me any more but i feel like i need it. She would be hurt if i said i was distancing myself. She trusts me and I promised her i would never leave her.

 

I appreciate your input though and I will think about what you said.

 

I guess, looking from an outside perspective, the only real way to handle everything is to walk away? option 4?

[flower99]

option 4:

DISTANCE YOURSELF from this friendship and give it space.

You want more from the friendship then she does. From what i gather you are a female and she is a female. She may not be into the lesbian relationship as you might be.

Your moods are swinging up and down, you are frustrated and insecure because you want her to feel as much about you as you do about her. It isnt going to happen.

I am sorry to say that you may have to distance yourself to stablise yourself. This friendship is not healthy for you anymore even though she and you 'care'. In the end it is superfical actions that is hurting you. Walk away for a while to gather yourself

 

I totally agree with this.

If you must tell her something, tell her you have some issues to take care of.

Which is true, you do have to take care of yourself right now & stabalize yourself.

[imsoinlovewithher]

OK I understand what you're saying. But I just got a message off her, really sweet saying I can talk to her any time about anything if i dont feel happy. So right now im feeling happy.

Is that wrong? This is an example of my absolute rollercoaster of emotions. In one night ive gone from my first post, to not be that bothered about my feelings.

This can't be normal?

 

Also, ive decided to say to her to just ignore me when im in a mood unless I say something to her first. Like I'll promise her I'll tell her what's wrong if it's not something stupid.

 

Does it sound like I might need help?

[Its_B]

I agree, distance is best. I know it will be hard, but if you know 100% that it will never go anywhere, then you need time alone to try to get over the feelings you are having, or learn to deal with them a little better.

[flower99]

When is comes to unhealthy relationships....Rollercoaster of emotions is the perfect description.

I don't think you need help. I think you need to sort this out.

 

You either need to tell her exactly how you feel (get it off your chest...not sure if any good could come of it)..but expect things to be different.

Or distance yourself to gather yourself & stabalize yourself again. (which i think is healthiest)

 

But this rollercoaster ride will keep on going until you get off the ride. And make a decision on what to do.

[rasie]

I also recently posted a thread about being in love with a straight friend.

 

Gosh this really happens all the time doesn't it. My gay friends keep telling me that I should exercise emotional discipline and not fall for my straight girlfriends.

 

I've been feeling really stupid about this. But I've come to realize that you really can't help who you fall for striaght or gay.

 

It's a really difficult thing to come to terms with when you realize you're in love with a friend.

 

You keep reminding yourself that you are 'friends first' but when the emotions come into play, nothing else really matters except your desire to be with that person.

 

Bleh!

[imsoinlovewithher]

I don't feel I can leave her though, right now it feels like doing that would be harder than going through what I'm going through now.

 

I think I've decided to take my time...and tell her eventually. In the coming months. I think it's only fair that I tell her before we make a choice on universities, I think she should know where we stand cos I MAY be in a position to share a flat with her.

 

Does that sound like an OK thing to do? or a cop out?