Addicted to ex-boyfriend???

[anitar123]

I have been broken up with my ex for over 3 years. He was my first love - only love. We stayed messing around for a year after and then I got into a relationship for 2 years. But I still thought of him. I always knew he wasn't good for me- he's jealous and a total playboy, but I can't help but feel this strongly for him. So sometimes I'll bump into him at a bar or club and this weekend I ran into him. I ended up going home with him and we slept together - several times. The next morning, he treats me like a piece of meat and takes me home and I feel horrible. Meanwhile on the way to his house the night before - we were both drunk - he was professing his love to me and then the next day - it's like if nothing ever happened. So he calls me and we talk (we usually talk like once a week as "friends") and he's just there telling me how many girls he's sleeping with and how he can't help it if girls throw themselves on him. I wanted to die. This guy doesn't care about me AT ALL and I still have all these feelings for him. I feel like such an idiot. I can't believe myself. And the worst part is that he knows it!!!!!!!! And to top it off an acquaintance of mine likes him - he'll probably sleep with her, too, if he hasn't already. What is wrong with me??? How can someone be so stupid and blind???

[ButterflyWrists]

You need to start NC, he really isn't what you need in your life. Let him mess himself around, and get into trouble, but don't you get involved. It might be hard to get over him, but you really need to try.

[sunshine13]

I don't believe in the NC thing anymore. I think that you should talk to him and tell him your feelings. If after that he doesn't want to stop what he is doing and have a relationship then take control of YOUR own life and stop sleeping with him. If you want to be friends then be friends but Know your limits. If you think by drinking with him that you will end up sleeping with him. . . don't drink with him. I don't think you should have to lose him as a friend. Be honest with him.

[anitar123]

What is NC?

[anitar123]

I've tried that. I didn't talk to him for a year and the minute I see him - it's like I'm back to square one. Nothing matters except him at that point - I don't listen to reason. I live in a small city and I always bump into him. How can I do the no contact again if it's never worked before? Maybe I should join Codependents Anonymous...

[ButterflyWrists]

Well keep going forward, and dont let him pull you down, and if you really must stay friends with him, but keep to yourself and make your own life away from him.

[sunshine13]

I agree. I was the same way with my recent ex for four years. Everytime we would see each other it seemed as if we were the only two people in the room. I would not listen to my friends or family or anyone else. I just couldn't NOT give in to the temptation. If you read my post from today about the best closure talk ever. . . that is how it ended. Do you really want that years down the road? Plus, as long as you are still feeling this way and being with him you are never going to find someone that you can truly love and have a real relationship with.

[anitar123]

Ok - I'm not going to talk to him anymore, but should I tell him how I feel next time he calls me??

[sunshine13]

If that was me? I would. Then again. . . Maybe I am wrong. Everyone on this site feels like NC is the best answer. I would much rather tell someone how I feel so that I don't walk away and regret. It helps me to move on. Not sure if that is the right thing for you but before you bolt you at least owe yourself the chance to speak with him.

[JoeWho]

I think you should tell him how you feel and then tell him you will no longer speak to him. You cant keep going on the way you have been with him.

[moonflowers]

One thing you should be aware of is that as a girl, your body's hormones are designed to cause you to become attached to any man you sleep with, so you shouldn't bash yourself too much about still having feelings for someone who treats you so badly.

 

However, I do believe that NC with him would be best for your emotional health and sanity. Since you already know that he's hurting you so much, use that pain to remind yourself to let it go. Pain is an impetus for change; nobody wants to change if they're in a comfy situation. Use the hurt feelings to keep your resolve not to talk to him strong.

 

Wishing you strength and healing!

[Midgi]

I can completley emphasise with this story.

 

Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago... he tells me he does not want to be with me... but then he starts calling me... wants to meet up... and I give in. We spend a good night together and then he wakes up in the morning goes home, and thats it. He does not call me again for months... until he starts missing me.

 

I always hope that he will miss me one day enough so he stays!

 

If there is an easy way I am very interested in hearing it... because I am emotionally drained!

[GottaLetItBurn]

Sorry that your all hurt, and I know those feelings can make you feel so stupid when you give into them. Your human though, nothing anyone could tell you was going to prevent this, you had to learn that he didn't care about you this way.

 

Im a man, we are very sexual creatures, so don't feel bad about the sex thing, your not a bad person, don't feel bad about that. LEt him use the next girl until he realizes that he just isn't good at anything in life but using people.

 

The feeling will go away if you stay away, maybe not completely go away, but the yearning for him. You will be able to breath when your out having fun, take care of your self.

[GottaLetItBurn]

I can completley emphasise with this story.

 

Me and my ex broke up 2 years ago... he tells me he does not want to be with me... but then he starts calling me... wants to meet up... and I give in. We spend a good night together and then he wakes up in the morning goes home, and thats it. He does not call me again for months... until he starts missing me.

 

I always hope that he will miss me one day enough so he stays!

 

If there is an easy way I am very interested in hearing it... because I am emotionally drained!

 

 

Man I feel bad about hearing that. I can't say that I wouldn't do that samething to you IF I didn't love you. One thing you should realize and accept, sex to men, it's not the same. The emotion that woman have is unmatched, guys mostly are attracted to the outside. Don't expect that if a guy had sex with you he is going to "fall in love". If he doesn't want to hang out with you or do anything special for you with no rewards, then think twice whether he is really in love with you.

 

Protect yourself, don't get hurt because you expect something you give him other then your time and presense is going to make him happy with you.