Try This One On For Size

[gut feeling]

I am going to try and be as brief as possible.

i am 36 (i am male) she is 23 (pretty mature 23). about 2 months ago she started talking about marriage and kids and to move to a different place. i said i was unsure about kids cause i cant afford it right now, i dont want to go through the production of marriage as it would be a huge strain on my family which is far away and my job situation is changing in january so i dont want to move till i know what is happening there. after some discussion she gave me till march to figure it all out. she kept bringing it up so finally about a month ago, i said i dont want kids or marriage in hopes she would stop talking about it everyday. she began hanging out with a friend that she rarely saw before. (she is quite a piece of work! lets just say she has loose morals.)

i began to get a gut feeling that something was not right about 2 or 3 weeks ago. so i began to follow up on that feeling. i checked her phone to see who she was calling and to see text messages. i noticed she was calling her friend who she was supposed to be out with at that time... odd... but ok. then i noticed all the text messages were only from me... odd... i have always looked at her texts and she wouldnt care. she looked at mine and i looked at hers.. and she would have messages from all kinds of people. now, just me. her call log was all messed up to. only calls from certian people and from long time ago.

so then, she was away on a 3 day business trip, yes it was business , this i know. but the whole time she was there she would barely respond to me at all. she came home from the trip, walked in the door and said "i'm breaking up with you", after some discussion she explained she was in debt up to her eyeballs and wanted to move home with her mom for a few months to get her finances in order and stay together as a coulpe. (she had mentioned moving home before and i said if she did that we were done.) thats is why, she says, she walked in and said "i'm breaking up with you". the next day i was furious and packed up all her things and put them in the hall. when she came to get them she said she was going to say she had made abig mistale and didnt want to move to her moms but when saw what i had done decided to stick to it. this was on sunday, one week ago.

the next day we talked and decided to find a different place to live and stay a couple cause she really hate this place i am in now. we have since been looking at different places.

she stayed at her moms one night and i tried to call her but no answer. she returned my call at 2 am being very sweet and explaining she fell asleep around 10. i checked her call log and saw she checked her messages at 1230am... odd... one night she was here and her phone rang, she didnt answer, i asked who it was, she says friend "a", later i ask who it was again, she says friend "b".... odd... i ask if i can see the call log, she says she accidentally erased it, she calls friend "b" and she has no idea what my gf is talking about, i then tell her she said it was frind "a" she then says they both called... and she accidentally erased both calls.... odd...

she went to her moms today and i talked to her around 2, i then tried to talk to around 6, sent a text... no reply. i called agian... no answer. that was several hours ago. still nothing.

i have told her my suspisions and she reassures me i ahve nothing to worry about and she loves me and wants to be with me.

am i making something out of nothing or should be worried???

i'll happily answer any questions.

one more tid bit.... when i visited her office for the first time my picture was in the drawer. she said it was because her desk was to be cleaned and didt want it damaged.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

I think you are both FAR too into one anothers personal business, and both show an extreme lack of a trust. Perhaps you two need to work onm yourselves being able to trust one another before you should work on moving together.

[gut feeling]

thanks for the quick reply. do you think i may be reading too much into everything? i have never been insecure about our relationship until i started havin this gut feeling that something wasnt right.

[the yang to the worlds yin]

Actually I think you both act very suspicious and are incorrectly handling the situation. Why not take a step back, give your partner their alone time without trying to know their every action, and what happens happens.

[Rabican]

I would say that 'deleted messages' by themselves making you worry... just makes you sound paranoid. But if there are other issues, late night calls, unexplained goings on, shes not around, you cant get ahold of her etc. etc. then you might have something to worry about.

 

My suggestion, tell her that her actions with the calls, the inconsistencies (spelling?) about who called makes it look like either she is hiding something, or something is up. If you have nothing to hide, then hide nothing!

 

Then again, maybe you guys just arent cut out for each other... she sounds shady, you sound worried and paranoid... rightfully so? I dunno.

[confused70]

You already know she has "loose morals" and is showing these kind of symptoms... I'd say move on. Her deleting certain text messages and phone calls is ridiculously obvious. Especially if this all started after you were reluctant to jump right into her marriage and kids plans.. Just my two cents.

[gut feeling]

thanks confused! i have to agree with you. i still have no concrete proof as she continues to lie to me and deny anything as going on. i have learned today that she has been calling a certian someone from her work at all hours and on weekends. her lies are ridiculous. i think i may be a little evil on my own now. just to settle the score a bit. then i will dump her but good!

[gut feeling]

I kept giving her the beifit of the doubt for many reasons, some selfish and some not so selfish. Anyway its Dec 26th and shes in the shower and i read some her txts and she's been doing a guy from her work for god knows how long and she cant even remember. Only when confronted with irrefutable evidence does she finally own up to it.... lying piece of garbage.

So as a lesson to anyone who reads this, please trust your insticts, if it smells rotten 99.9% of the time it IS rotten and you should cut your loses and GET OUT!!! You'll save yourself much pain and agony.

[blindfold]

sometimes is the gut feeling which destroys it all... you should be careful and not be invasive of her privacy... when someone starts asking me questions and puts me under pressure I end up mixing up everything, and believe me it's not because i've done smt wrong or because i want to lie or anything like that, i don't like the "police questioning", it makes me so nervous i can hardly say anything at all...handle everything calmly and with care, and if she is anything like i said, she's explain it real quick and simple.

 

hope it gets better

cheers

[blindfold]

sorry, i've read your last post just now. the gut feeling really was correct... well, all i can say is that now you're free to find someone worthy of you, who won't lie or cheat on you.

much luck