How long do you wait.....

[AquaMan23]

....to call a girl after a first date? We had a great time on friday and I want to confirm the tenative plans we made for a second date next week. 2,3,4,5 days? I don't want to sound needy because I am really not but I want to leave her hanging.

 

Thanks for the help

[Honey Pumpkin]

Call her tomorrow - to be honest, the guy I'm seeing at the moment, he always texts me after he drops me off, and then a 'morning' text to wake up to (he phones as well!). And that makes me feel - I don't know - happy, like someone has wrapped a big blanket round my shoulders! Because it's not too demanding, but it's nice to know that someone you like was thinking about you.

 

I'm not a big fan of waiting x number of days - I don't think women are, to be honest. And I get in touch too, so it's not one-sided. But a reassuring amount of contact makes me feel like I'm special. Such a sap, eh?! lol

[RayKay]

When did you make the plans for? I would call her this evening, or at the very latest tomorrow night just to verify the plans and let her know you had a good time, but keep it short and sweet overall - leave all the talking for the actual date. It is not needy to call a couple of days after a date unless she made it clear she is not interested!

 

I don't like the whole deal where guys wait a certain number of days as their buddies tell them too, honestly if I don't hear from someone after a date for more than three days, I start to wonder if this is the way things will be later too and wonder if they have a mind of their own or not, and if I don't hear from them in a week honestly, I have already decided they aren't for me. I'll call too after a couple of days, but if it's always me calling, or they don't return a call...time to move on.

[shikashika]

you won't be needy if you call her tonight.... you coudl even just say you had a really good time on friday... or send her a text... make sure you have something specific planned and not just 'do you wanna go out again?"

 

dont' wait too long... you like her right? she may find this immature if you wait too long... I know I would

[AquaMan23]

Thanks you three for the input. We talked about meeting up again next Friday for dinner. So that should be plenty of time to plan if I call tomorrow.

 

I am not a plan of the x days call either that is why I asked. But I know that girls will think you are too interested if you don't wait a while. In college I would just end up seeing the girls the next day or so and talk about things face to face. It is different now in the working world. Many more formalities.

 

Hmmm...maybe I should just call tonight because both of us will be at work all day tomorrow.

[shikashika]

Thanks you three for the input. We talked about meeting up again next Friday for dinner. So that should be plenty of time to plan if I call tomorrow.

 

I am not a plan of the x days call either that is why I asked. But I know that girls will think you are too interested if you don't wait a while. In college I would just end up seeing the girls the next day or so and talk about things face to face. It is different now in the working world. Many more formalities.

 

Hmmm...maybe I should just call tonight because both of us will be at work all day tomorrow.

 

have you talked, spoken, msn, texted since Friday?

 

 

do you want to see her mid week?

 

maybe you could have a mini-date mid week or something?

 

send her an email or text and say something like " Hey i really enjoyed our time on Friday, hope you have a good Monday!

 

I don't know the girl, and everyone is different, so its hard to give an idea of what she may like.

 

I know what I like, but that may not work for everyone..

 

hope it works out!

[caro33]

Call tonight. Perfect timing.

 

Leaving 3 days until a call can hardly be seen as too interested. I would start to question if you had any interest at all if I didn't hear from you soon....

[AquaMan23]

Nope nothing since Friday.

 

Sure I would love to see her mid week but I don't want to overdo it with her or come on strong. Trust me, it sucks being the guy and supressing your early feelings in an attempt to follow social rules. In previous relationships things progressed quicker because I would see them on campus during the week. If I am not mistaken, it really does come down to how much time you spend with someone to determine if you are compatible and liking of one another. One date a week could take a while to get to know someone. Ok sorry for the rant.

 

Perhaps I was mixing up the "wait 4 days to call after you get a girls number" with calling after a first date.....and sometimes it was the girls that would call me first after a date but I don't think this girl is like that.

[RayKay]

Well, it also sucks being a girl and being interested in someone whom is trying to follow "social rules" instead of just going with what feels right for the people IN the situation! Girls are told to suppress their feelings too, it's no different. Does not mean you have to conform exactly to rules though, without factoring in the fact that we are people, not rules.

 

Whom said that you must date only once a week, rathern than twice for example for the first couple weeks? Yes, you do not want to throw yourselves into seeing one another everyday right off the bat, but I don't see a couple dates a week as doing that!

 

Even if it was one date a week, it's not like you have to do that for MONTHS, maybe first month, but then after that you really should both know whether you wanted to spend more time together or not....

[MacGyverRI]

Calling rules bite.

 

You like her, you call her. No time limits.

 

Simple huh??

[heloladies21]

But I know that girls will think you are too interested if you don't wait a while.

This is a myth and I've proven it wrong myself. It's just a flawed understanding of female psychology. I'm not sure how the solution to appearing needy became limiting contact, because that's not it. It's all about how you are when you're in contact with her, like how you sound on the phone or how you are when you see her. If you're not needy and don't think you communicate it to her when you interact with her, then you have nothing to worry about. Get on the case or else you run the risk of her not thinking you're into her.

[AquaMan23]

I agree RayKay. I can't imagine what it would be like to be the girl and have to wait, hoping that your date calls. That doesn't leave you much control for the women.

 

At the same time, it would be nice to meet a girl that sticks up for her feelings and at least hints that she wants you to take her our again soon.

 

I just had an extra good feeling towards this one so I didn't want to mess things up. But I think I am over the rules. Like you both said you can't forget to factor in that we are complex humans. Rules are guidelines. Sometimes they are meant to be broken...right?

[caro33]

The calling rules are a bit dumb if you finesse them, or focus on them, too much. It makes sense to not stalk people, and makes sense to not leave weeks between asking for a number and then calling it. The definitions then get blurry, and there's huge room to move - go with what reflects you and is true to you and you should be okay.

 

Yes agree it's in what you say and your tone more than anything.

 

Make that call!

[Lion-Guy]

You better call soon if it was a good date.

[hislifesong]

CALL HER!! I know it'd drive me nuts especially if...see below...

 

how about the other way around...should a girl call the guy about a date - that HE said they'd go on - - scenario: if she hasn't heard from him all week, and the date is scheduled for, say, Friday - and it's Thursday??

[luvursmile]

I agree with MacGyverRI. All these "rules" suck. If you like her, call her, and if she likes you too, then she'll be very happy you called.

[AquaMan23]

So I ended up calling her 3 days afterwards. She didn't answer. Don't you love it when you finally decided to call and no answer

 

So I e-mailed her a short message. She wrote back and said she had a great time. We had another good date wednesday and she brought up plans to go out again this weekend. (kind to have the girl take initiative for once) I think I will wait a few days again to call her since that worked well last time. I take it the waiting time to call goes down as you go on more dates and are more into eachother?

 

Thanks for everyone's advice.