Quick Question

[tara3720]

Hi Everyone,

 

I just have one more question, and i hope to slowly stop posting since I post so much.

 

I'm 10 years younger than my ex, but I tried so hard for him, even though we were in different stages of life. He taught me SO much too. A healthier lifestyle, economic awareness, etc... In return, I gave him loyalty, and he obviously knew I loved him with all my heart. I stuck with him through verbal abuse, and MANY hurtful things that most people would have left long ago over.

 

he knew I had A LOT less experience with dating, but I showed him how special he was to me in many ways. I never cussed at him or put him down, and when he messed up, I would tell him "it's ok, we all do that sometimes."

 

He would just focus on my mistakes so much. I'm a sensitive person, and I think when he hurt me, I reacted in a way he hated. So many things I did bothered him, from not taking initiative, to not doing enough. QUESTION: DO you think he will see how much I loved him. I was raised in a great family, have good morals and values, and feel i gave so many things that are rare today (maybe not), yet he didn't seem to appreciate it. He lives in Hollywood, a town full of single people and broken relationships, so....

I'm sure he's jumped into another relationship already, who knows. Just shows even more what kind of man he is. If he;s already started to date someone else, can it last?? Sorry guys for posting so much, I'm doing much better, I'm just getting out my last thoughts. Thank you for letting me post here.

[kellbell]

Hey Tara,

 

"QUESTION: DO you think he will see how much I loved him, and how hard it is to find someone who will genuinly love him and care for him the way I did?"

 

No, I am afraid he will not. His personality and arrorgance will prevent him from doing this. His actions have been shallow, so IMO there is a slight if no chance of him feeling anything with depth. I feel sorry for the next girl he gets into the likes with. Be thankful you are no longer with him.

 

Hang in there Tara.

 

(((hugs)))

[tara3720]

thanks for the reply...

so he will basically feel the same way with her, and treat her the same way, even if she is his age, etc....

i thank god more and more each day now for saving me from that relationship, but it's so crazy how i'm just wondering if I didn't do enough, if I was too young and just set him off... from what you've all told me, no matter WHO he's with, it will be miserable for the both of them since he doesn't know how to "do" relationships.

i'm not wishing him bad, nor glad to hear he will treat the next girl the same, i just want to make sure I didn't do anything that another woman wouldn't to set him off.

thank you for the responses.

[rocio]

QUESTION: DO you think he will see how much I loved him.

 

Question: why do you care? You have broken up and he's moved on, yet you're still letting him hurt and control you by pondering on these kinds of questions.

[tara3720]

I care because I gave so much, and I feel it was for nothing.

I care because I loved him very much and don't understand how he could act this way.

I care because I don't want to do this in my next relationship if in fact it was me who set him off. It's confusing, it really is, sorry if I sound repetitive or have posted too much, it's just that I know he hasn't called now for 2 weeks (which IS GREAT for me) but it's just weird how this all happens.

[rocio]

I care because I gave so much, and I feel it was for nothing.

 

Maybe not for nothing, but for very little anyway, since what he gave back was negativity and violence. You know this, yet you keep on giving.

 

 

 

I care because I don't want to do this in my next relationship if in fact it was me who set him off.

 

 

You didn't set him off. You have to take responsibility for your own actions and give him responsibility for his. The only mistake you made was not walking away sooner.

[kellbell]

"I care because I gave so much, and I feel it was for nothing."

 

Tara,

 

This is why perspective is so important in matters such as these. This is why you are having a difficult time getting over this and letting this aspect of the relationship go. Because you feel this was all in vain, for nothing.

 

It was not in vain or for nothing. Life teaches us lessons, relationships are no execption. We learn about ourselves and others. We learn about what we will tolerate, what our dislikes and likes are, we about how to communicate, how to be empathetic. All kinds of things. Relationships teach us so much and pain can make us stronger, to elicit change. In turn, arms us with the knowledge, strength and wisdom to bring to another relationship. Precious gifts for you and your future partner, in hopes that next person will be the right person. If not, you will continue to learn, to grow until eventually your lessons and wisdom guides you to the person you will spend the rest of your life with.

 

Do not think of this as for nothing, think of this as a lesson, a time of change...a time of growth. Once you do that, you will be at more peace with yourself and be able to move on that much easier.

[nikkinoe]

it always astounds me how someone can just jump into a new relationship so readily. If you're the ex, it makes you feel no so special. Why do some people do this? Insecurity?

[kellbell]

"it always astounds me how someone can just jump into a new relationship so readily. If you're the ex, it makes you feel no so special. Why do some people do this? Insecurity?"

 

Not necessarily. Could be in some cases, but in many cases (such as mine) the person whom moved on so quickly is able to do so because he/she has been over the relationship for sometime before it actually ended. He/she had time to grieve and prepare for the ending whereas the other has not.

 

I was over my ex about a year in half before I had the courage and strength to end it all. Long story and I am not going to highjack Tara's thread with it. So with that in mind, I moved on 2 months after I ended my 4 year relationship.

[tara3720]

Thank you. i just get frustrated at myself sometimes for still caring for someone who hasn't called in 2 weeks. I blocked him from my email for a few days a weeka ago, so he could have emailed me, but I won't know. If he really cared, he would have done more than email me though.

Who knows if he will be happy with his new girl if he's already met one. I doubt it given what you've all said, but I can't care anymore.

I'll get over it. Thanks everyone.

[rocio]

Thank you. i just get frustrated at myself sometimes for still caring for someone who hasn't called in 2 weeks.

I'll get over it. Thanks everyone.

 

It can take a long time to get over someone you've given your heart to. Take as much time as you need. But try not to dwell on these questions that you can't get answers to because it will only prolong your pain.

[tara3720]

I should be over him already and jumping for joy. LOL

Maybe I'm dwelling on this too much and just need to give it up.

I will starting this weekend. I can't be sad or think of someone who isn't doing the same over me.

I'll be ok now.