We broke up after 3 years. Why? Religion.

[miss888s]

hey friends i am so sad and depressed mentally and physically. i just cant face each passing day. every night before falling asleep i wish that i would never wake up the next day. it is just killing me inside i dont think i can take this anymore. my writing might suck because i just have to let everything come out into this post.

 

i have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. last Sunday he broke it off. That was after a lovely dinner out. He just stared at me and at one point he started to cry. I knew something was not right.

 

after we went home he said that i should be strong from now on and not to rely on him anymore as he cant be there for me anymore. he said its time for us to part our ways. he can never see us having a future together because of him being a christian and me being a muslim. i was shattered. we have talked about this in teh past but never to a point where we considered breaking up. we would both take it a day at a time.

 

i admit that when his mom found out he was dating me she was not impressed. but he never really told her much about our relationship. now he says that we are both at an age where we need to start seeing other people. i just dont understand. why wont he be with me. i was brought up in a avery open environment where even if i was muslim my family never really practised it and we are very open minded at home and outdoors. his religion has NEVER been an issue for me.

 

WHY GOD WHY? i have asked him for a chance and at one point he was going to consider it but then he changed his mind again.

 

i feel really suicidal now and i am in for an appointment to see a counsellor on Tuesday. he will come along and i am putting hope that he will change his mind after some relationship counselling.

 

please guys help get through this. i just can descrive the pain inside me. the first night he left i could not even breathe. my heart was really aching and it felt as if it were going to explode. every night i cry myself to sleep.

 

he still sees me and it breaks my heart everytime he treats me so kindly.

 

please help. how can i persuade him to stay with me.

[sidehop]

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation.

 

As much as I respect religion & faith that people have, sometimes you see the ugly side. Was his family making life difficult for him just because you don't believe in their religion?

 

To me, it sounds like he was being pressured. Why would he cry otherwise? He's being supportive to you still. The reason why I get the feeling is that I was in a religion that basically forbid or shunned people that dated or married anyone outside the religion.

 

I'm sorry but that upsets me as if you believe in God and the bible says to love all types of people, why should religion matter? What view does he or the family have that they cannot accept you for who you are & not based on religion?

 

If he's making this decision over a religion, I'm very sorry, but he's not worth it to you in the long run. How would he feel if you, say, was not in any particular religion? Have you asked him that? What if you were an atheist?

[laboheme]

*hug*

 

I'm sorry that this had to happen...Religious differences are one of those things that can prevent two people from staying together that are otherwise compatible...It's a challenge to compromise on core religious values if two people choose to spend their lives together -- and after 3 years, he must have been thinking that. How would you raise your children? Which holidays would you celebrate? Which services would you attend? Even though your family is open minded, would you be able to set your religion aside for this guy? Those questions are hard to answer...

 

The fact that he's willing to go to counselling with you is a good sign -- perhaps both of you will get a clearer picture of the role that religion plays in your lives and whether or not it's something you could compromise on in the future.

 

However, he said that you're at an age where you need to start seeing other people? How old are you, if I may ask? If both of you are young, he may be unsure about things in general and just using religious differences as an excuse...and I'm afraid that if he doesn't know if he wants to be with you, there's nothing you can say to persuade him.

 

I hope that the appointment on Tuesday clears things up for you...keep us updated, and hang in there!

[justpaisley]

It's always difficult when we have to consider our religion in a relationship. This is a scenario that is very familiar to me. I broke up with my ex because he was unbendingly Catholic, and I wasn't, nor was I considering entering Catholicism. It really, really hurt. While I am a Christian, our religious differences would have caused a lot of problems in our relationship had we allowed it to continue. Now we're good friends, but every time I talk to him, I say "whew, glad that ended when it did."

 

The differences between Christianity and Islam are monumental, and unlikely to be transcended if the two of you were to marry and have children. There are so many factors to be considered. Also, I don't know how strongly he takes his religion, but the Bible does basically say that we are to marry other Christians, and raise our children in the faith.

 

It's good that he's being supportive to you, but it's probably best to find a man who is also Muslim or to find a man who doesn't belong to a particular faith. While religion may not be entirely important to you, it clearly is to him. Eventually, hopefully, the two of you can be friends again and you'll be able to understand why he did this. If in fact he takes his religion seriously, this is all for the best.

 

I'm so sorry this is happening to you... like I said, it's happened to me, and it was VERY hard at the time.

[miss888s]

thanks guys..i am here crying my eyes out. i am 24 and he is a year older. yes ironically the counsellor said that she feels he is pressured and has too many expectations at this stage.

 

no his parents have never forced him to leave me. it was just the first time when he said he was going out with me that him mum was not happy. but it ended there and it was never brought up again. his dad is ok with it though.

 

to be honest we have thought about this and over the past he had proposed to break up but we never really left each other. it was just on sunday when he was 100% certain that he wanted to leave and i begged him but he would just hug me and say sorry.

 

my counsellor is christian and she said that for her it would be a waste to give up 3 years on the fact that the barrier is religion.

 

I just dont know what to do. the day before we broke up he asked me if i wanted to follow him on a holiday to another city.

 

i just cant believe my life is coming to this. it will be his birthday next week and i just cry like crazy thinking of what we would have been able to do together had this not happened.

 

guys i just dont know what to do...

[clemons]

Well, to say that the barrier is ONLY religion is kind of irrational to me, because if religion is trivial, it isn't worth devoting time to anyway. However, there is no reason a Christian cannot love a non-christian. The whole point of the religion is supposed to be to love people unconditionally. I guess that doesn't mean anything to you though, because his mistakes aren't your own.

 

I do have advise for you, and that is not to worry about doing something about it. Life has its highs and its lows. There are times to cry, and times to smile, and that's just the natural order of things. You can mitigate your emotions, but they are still there. So, all I can really say is that I sympathize with your emotions and it will only feel bad for so long.

[miss888s]

sad and hurting like mad

[sidehop]

You need to talk to him. Him being 25, he is pressured, not just because you're Muslim but also around that time of age I remember my parents sometimes asked about marriage as well as my friends..."Why aren't you marrried yet!"...and if he's basing his decision on religion then it does sound like he's pretty much set.

 

If he's still sure he wants to break it off, you need to stop contacting him. He will be nice because he doesn't sound like a bad person but it will only cause you more grief.

 

I hope you two can really work this out. It just sounds like the religion is the only thing that's keeping you two separate.

[miss888s]

thanks clemmons and everyone here for the support. to be honest my whole life is hell. People who i love have always left me. my life at hom ewas hell. my parents divorced and my dad walked out on us. my mum was left to fend for us an dshe got me through university with the help of my grandfather than when i graduated he passed away. i was shattered. life has been so bad to me. now my bf wants to leave me. i just cant believe this is happening.

[sidehop]

That's gotta be hard. But you sound like a very strong individual. If he leaves you for good, he's losing someone that he could've been very happy with & is his loss. But your life doesn't have to be hell. With each ending, there's a new beginning. As much as something you truly loved and cared for completely vanished, sometimes it has its own reason. But it's not gone forever. There are plenty of opportunities waiting for you.

[whoops]

as modern as these men try to be in essense they go back to where they came from - i was with a hindu his mum hated me i was catholic and she used to say oh so you lot wear saris etc - she is so ignorant but at the end of the day he wasnt religious and she had no grounds to hate me but did culturally - so we broke up i still resent her i shouldnt but i do - she ruined something that could have been great with her constatnt posion and he had no balls to deal with it - forget them move on and find someone who can accept who and what you are - the fight is too much otherwise - muslims and catholics can be together or anyone can if the parties are willing - here they werent he aint worth it - sorry but that is how it goes - we can t only blame the religion but the person and how they deal with the other religiosn that is the essense of the issue here.

[miss888s]

That's gotta be hard. But you sound like a very strong individual. If he leaves you for good, he's losing someone that he could've been very happy with & is his loss. But your life doesn't have to be hell. With each ending, there's a new beginning. As much as something you truly loved and cared for completely vanished, sometimes it has its own reason. But it's not gone forever. There are plenty of opportunities waiting for you.

 

thanks sidehop..yes i have been thorugh a lot. i admit he is a very very nice guy. i feel bad for thinking why me why does it always have to happen to me? its just one thing after another. yes i lose my dad..so there is a silver lining at the end of it? well maybe if he didnt walk out i may never have had the opportunity to go to university and get my dream career which i am very happy with. then my grandfather passes away...i just couldnt believe it..well..i knew that i had my boyfriend who supported me and promised ot get me thourgh all my troubles.

 

and now this is happening..what other happy ending will come out of it?? i am soo frustrated and depressed and just disappointed at everything. i feel hurt and anger too..i just cant control myself. it is really hurting me. why is it that when i achieve one thing i lose another. now i just feel scared to achieve or experience anything good coz i know that i will lose something.

 

i just cant take it anymore. the night we broke up i took pills but my flatmate stupidly took me to the hospital.

 

i just feel that there is no purpose for me..its just all heartache, disappointment, and abandoment

[miss888s]

i understand whoops..the thing is he has told me that he has no one to talk about out realtionship with. he will not talk about us to his friends and they inturn keep asking him when he is going to convert me to become a christian. he is getting this left rigth and centre. so i think that he is pressured.

 

maybe when we go to counselling there will be a neutral party who can resolve this. i am still placing hope on our relationship...

[Siriana]

 

i just cant take it anymore. the night we broke up i took pills but my flatmate stupidly took me to the hospital.

 

 

 

Yes you can. Also you're religious and I don't think this is allowed to you as religious person - trying to harm yourself. Get back to the principles of your religion and hope that everything happens with a reason. This is a reason why religion exist IMHO - to help you trough difficult times in life. Right now this is all you have so stay true to your beliefs.

p.s. I am not a religious person, so I have no idea about your religion but I am pretty much shure that trying to harm yourself or any other person is not something that religion proclaims.

 

Than also I suggest you to stop thinking that your brake up is only about religion. Your therapist didn't say these words how it is a waste to stop beeing with someone over religion after 3 years of dating for nothing. Probably she wanted to show you how there are always different factors that determine a brake up.

 

I suggest you to accept that he ended things - it is more hurtfull, but in the end you will feel better and your agony will last shorter.

 

I am really sorry this happened to you.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

You are not alone.

 

I used to had a bf who break up with me because his parents disapproval of us. This is mainly because we are of different race. He gave up and it was so sad.

 

I do feel like our ex wasn't able to take the pressure from a controlling culture.

 

When I was in my old work place, the corporate culture is very controlling. Whatever management practice it must be agree and follow its ways. There is no tolenrance for individualistic. They even criticise your appearance and wearing.

 

In my new work place, there is tolenrance for individualistic as long as it does not harm the other person. We are given the trust to manage our work. I am very happy for that.

 

May be your bf live in a very controlling culture. A culture that does not tolerate individual preferance. People under the culture has to follow the norm or risk being 'punished' or boycott.

 

He could choose to leave this community.

[Juliana]

I'm not trying to be rude, but have you considered conversion? If you are willing to convert, and he still wants to end the relationship, religion is not the issue. If you are not willing to convert, then you must see his point of view, that he can't marry you; his interpretation of his faith tells him that he can't marry outside the faith. Christianity calls us to love all people unconditionally, not to marry anyone who wants us to. It is pointless to talk about his inflexibility if you are unwilling to convert; both of you are simply honouring your own religions, which is your right. And if your counsellor really is Christian, as opposed to simply being brought up in a Christian culture, she'll know that.

[caliboy_2007]

Miss,

Stay strong. I'm muslim and I relate to you as far as religion at least.

 

You have us here. I have been in pain myself as well but remember that you have friends and family.

 

On the other hand, I don't think RELIGION would stay in the way of LOVE but that's my opinion.

 

Stay Strong.

[HeartBrok3N]

My situation is exactly like yours. But he's Muslim. and thats y he broke up with me, bcoz im catholic. Its ridiculous .. i can't justify giving up someting that works so well even after 2 yrz and even after we had our fights, dramas, troubles etc. at the end of the day whenever we're 2gthr its me and him and no1 else matters. I'm done fighting for it tho bcoz i knw i deserve more than sum1 who won't fight for me. but thats not 2 say that he doesnt want to be with me. he cant be with me, which i can understand and even appreciate. but i dont accept it. i know Islam promotes same religion marriages and yes his parents, family, culture & upbringing have played a huge part in this. but my take is that religion shouldnt get in the way of love. so many ppl search their entire lives for someone to love and to love them back and dont find it. Here he's found it. he know's he's found it & he know's he'll never find sumthing half thsi good again but yeah he'll throw it away. bcoz thats what is 'expected' so be it....

heres a question - Regardless of what God we're talking about, be it Catholic,Muslim,Hindu etc... wouldnt that God prefer for each and every one of us to be happy with the so called "wrong" person than miserable with the "right one" i would be the 1st to say that yes this would be true.

im not asking for advice how to get him back coz i knw its like butting my head against a wall. but i still need to vent bout it all.

who said love sux???

[TheRedQueen]

This guy sounds like a totally close-minded putz, as well as a total waste of your time. Obviously he loved you enough to be with you for three years, yet he chose to call it all off because of your differences in religious backgrounds. Shameful and pathetic if you ask me. I'm so sorry hon.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

To be frank, with all due respect, usually in this situation, either one of the partner has to convert their religion.

 

My parents are buddhist, my brother are christian. Despite different religion, we are able to live together harmoniously and we respect each other religion. It is all about the mindset. Are your family and community able to accept this?

[Zorra]

You need to talk to him. Him being 25, he is pressured, not just because you're Muslim but also around that time of age I remember my parents sometimes asked about marriage as well as my friends..."Why aren't you marrried yet!"...and if he's basing his decision on religion then it does sound like he's pretty much set.

 

If he's still sure he wants to break it off, you need to stop contacting him. He will be nice because he doesn't sound like a bad person but it will only cause you more grief.

 

I hope you two can really work this out. It just sounds like the religion is the only thing that's keeping you two separate.

Hello.

 

I need help, but I do not know how to post it, so anothers can replay and help me with my problems.

I desperatly need help. I have just broke up with boyfriend of 6 years, becouse he is muslim and I am christian