Sick

[sunshine13]

I am sick of feeling this way. 2 months!!! I am very tired of this roller coaster that I am going through. I am good for a week and then I feel like I got punched in the face. I thought today I would take control of my thoughts and today was going to be a better day. . . on my way to work I ended up in tears. . . probably b/c I am fighting it so hard. I am missing my ex terribly today and all I want is for him to come back to me. I know this is not an option as I haven't heard from him since the day we broke up. I am having a very hard time accepting that it is really over. I did it last week. . . but can't do it this week!! For the first time since our break up all I can think about is how much I miss cuddling with him and jogging on the beach with him. The way we used to laugh and goof around with each other. And now he is going to find someone else and that is going to be HER life. . . not MINE. I don't know how to get through this. I think today is the worst I have been since day one of the break up. When does this end???

[Vynde]

Im feeling you sunshine, Im so sorry, Im feel the same way, its very scary.. I feel I would do anything to have my ex back.. I can only tell you one day at a time, poeple who have gone though this say this pain will pass, we can only trust that they are right, and do the best we can everyday, everyhour, every min. Im thinking of you.. Hang in, keep NC - your doing great

 

John

[sunshine13]

Why does it have to be this hard? I just want to scream!! Not to mention that this is the - probably - 5th time I have had to get over the same guy. It is making me ill.

[amtjrtcet]

When I was dealing with those same feelings I found this thread.

 

[sunshine13]

I can't open that.

[amtjrtcet]

I know, neither can I. Let me see if a moderator can help me. hang on.

[annie24]

ok, link is fixed.

[amtjrtcet]

Thanks annie

[richard29]

Hi sunshine,

Are things still that bad? I wish i could find the words to help you. i've taken a few steps back but i'm ok. When i've spoken to my ex there was no hope. All can say from what i've learnt this week is... it broke for reason. I can't not fix what we had, the trust has gone.

Keep smiling everyday is a battle and it's hard..... I just want you to know we all feel the pain and know it so well.

I could just break down and cry anytime over this.. but she's not having my tears.

The thing what does me.. it's all in my head... why won't we let go?

 

chin up and and brave the world tommrrow may be the day it gets better...

 

Richard

[sunshine13]

Hey Richard.

The weird thing is that it hasn't been this bad all along. I felt great for a week and suddenly on Saturday it hit me again like a ton of bricks. I didn't think that I would ever feel "devasted" again. I thought I was well beyond that point. truly doing ok. I am not sure what triggered it but it could have been the fact that I was on a trip with 4 other couples this weekend and I was the only single one. . . or this past weekend was the weekend that we were supposed to be moving in together.. . finally! I guess I am happy that I am feeling this hurt again b/c it is starting to make me angry. I am starting to get really mad that he put me through all of this so many times and that I am the one that is always sitting around crying and upset and I am exhausted of it. I am surprised that I even have tears left after how many times he has made me cry over the years. Hopefully in the next few days I will get angry enough to pick myself back up.

[KronicMan]

well, now your really sufferring because you said this is the 5TH time your trying to let go of this guy. Been there, and each time you try to go back, try to patch things up....you feel good again, then when it doesnt work they way you want it to, then it hurts, and the pain is much worse, much worse than the original break up.

 

I been in this pain, still am, havent done the drastic measures to try to go back to my ex and make a fool out of myself. It is a roller coaster, sometimes im like "Yes!!! Im finally over it" The next day Ill miss my ex so much, its crazy, let time pass, and BE YOURSELF, only you can make yourself happy!!!!

 

 

Good Luck

[sunshine13]

Thank you and you are right. Every time hurts worse. The people around me think that it should be easier b/c it has been so many times. The problem is that he always comes back begging for me back (not me begging him) of course tells me all of the changes. I take him back and then 6 months later. . The K.O. Its over, move on with my life, he refuses to speak with me, acts as if I am the worst person in the world. Then 6 months later he comes back and b/c I am still trying to heal from the last break up. . . you are absolutely right. . . he is like a band-aid. It makes everything in life better b/c I got what I wanted. . . For 6 months and then does the same thing over and over. I know that this was the last time. . . maybe that is why it is hurting so bad too?!

[KronicMan]

yes, and the messed up part is sometimes i want to go back again. But this is all i know so far, maybe for you too. As much as I want to go back, and feel comfortable again, I cant, its not supposed to happen like that. I have to suffer right now and be myself again. You too, you were a person before your ex....its hard, but dont go back, because hes done this over and over, and will continue... youll do fine, and in due time, you will look back and be like "what the hell was i thinking"

[sunshine13]

You are absolutely right. I guess it is just that after 4.5 years. . . I don't really know anything but either loving him or being devastated by him. It is NOT supposed to be like this. I just can't understand why he does it. I would love to have JUST ONE conversation with him explaining why he comes in and out of my life and what went wrong in the relationship this time to make him run again. We had future plans and supposed to be "in love" and for him to start off our conversation that night telling me that he is in love with me and is ready for me to move to the end of the conversation telling me that it is over and never hearing from him again just leaves me with an open wound that I can't seem to close.

[JoeWho]

You are going to close that wound and all of us on here will help you as much as we can.

[KronicMan]

yea, you will close it yourself just like me. My ex wanted to "regain my trust" and "be my lover again" and then ignored me, i want answers of course, but some questions are better left unanswered

[sunshine13]

Thank you. I am ready to close it. It is just so damn frustrating when you can't.