HELP! guy falling for possible lesbian girl friend

[michr0]

Hi,

I currently have a really close friend. Shes Thai, with her parents being very traditional in their beliefs on relationships. I am white and Jewish, and am deeply affectionate for my friend. Supposedly, her parents wont let her date, although she has made an exception in the past for one of our friends - a girl. yea, my thai friend thinks (and might be?) she is a lesbian. she is obsessed with watching the L word and constantly refers to herself as an androgyne. I think that I am myself not 100% straight - i feel more like the pansexual attitude. so im comfortable with her being more masculine or whatever than most girls. its just not an issue.

Ive told her how much I like her (i avoid "love" bc its too strong for never having had a relationship with her, although i like her up to that point of "love"), and supposedly, she has said to have liked me too. (she wont tell me this though because also, she doesnt want to lead me on and get my hopes up. supposedly) Im not sure exactly what I want, but i'd like to show my affections toward her and progress our friendship. the problem is that 1) she doesnt "do" relationships 2) she thinks she is/might be a lesbian 3) has thai roots that say no for young relationshp (im ok waiting for her, i just dont know if theres anything to wait for, you know?)

what should I do? i am being tormented by it. i see her everyday almost and I just need some help. she is hard to approach about this, bc she seems uncomfortable talking about relationships/feelings like these, espeically since shes only had one relationship (a short-lived one with no contact or actual dates) and hasnt even had a kiss. (which leads me to question how can she know shes completely lesbian if shes never kissed a guy/girl or done anything? is that possible?)

any suggestions?

thanks!

MR

[UT]

One interesting question I have to comment on is "how can she know she's lesbian if she hasn't even had a kiss like that?" (No, this was not a quote) How can straight people know they are straight before they've even had their first kiss. She probably know what she likes. Whether she'd feel better with a male or female partner.

 

I've never kissed a guy And I'm gay. How can I know? I find men attractive, sexually. I can appreciate a womand beauty, but it's not arousing in anyway and I don't feel a desire to "do things" with her.

 

Over to your problem... What's your problem? That was a little unclear. You're in love with a girl who doesn't love you, or who can't love you. I'd say thereare two ways, or tree ways you could go about this. The first being that you could try and talk to her, but there's a risk of her pulling away. Perhaps not because of your feelings but because of the new tension. No one want's to be around a person if they think they might feel things for you and if this isn't mutual.

 

Number two, Love her as a friend and try to be only that. Sometimes it's better for the friend if you spare themthe knowledge that you feel this way. It's an enormous burden of guilt. you fee3l bad about it. And last would be no contact with her. Although that will bring heartbreak to both of you, but if you don't have contact with her it will be easier to try and forget about it. Although I'd never suggest anyone to do this.

 

I think you eityher should talk to her or love her as a firend and use all that love your feeling for her to make her happy, as a friend. If she's not entirely lesbian, you might make her fall for you.

 

Who knows? In anycase, good luck to you.

[michr0]

Hi UT. Thanks for your reply. You know, I wasn't entirely sure if my statement was correct about "how can she know she's lesbian if she hasn't even had a kiss like that?" Im naive about that, so what you said makes sense.

I like what you said also about my friend. I can talk to her without her pulling away, so I think i might give that a try. Or better yet, maybe I'll just do like you said and be an awesome friend to her. I can try and give up my feelings.

P.S. Like the rainbow!