My Boss..what else!

[West World]

Well, he really isn't my boss. I am mgr and he is the President and report to someone else. Since the first day I met him, 8 months ago, I felt as if we had known each other. I knew he felt the same because of his reaction and quiet staring as well. Later, he asked if I was married and I told him yes (bring it on, I know what you are thinking!!). Anyway, he is married too. Well, it always seemed as if I was tip toeing aroung being attracted to him and would always shake it off. We would begin to greet each other with hand shakes and eventually to hugging. We are in two different offices so we would rarely see each other unless we had (which he mainly did) would schedule a meeting. We would also exchange emails, but most were very professional. Sometimes i would come in to my office and find him in the building waiting for me and make up a meeting to have at that time. I would feel his eyes on me as I studied what ever he placed in front of me. Of course, i would get excited, but i promise you, it would not last through out the day.

 

I would not think about it as he is busy and i am too. When he started with our company, however, I couldn't help noticing that he always made my position priority. What I mean is, he made it a point to help me with elevating my position to helping me get my well earned raise. I felt as if he a was my champion and supported him as well with whatever he was implementing at the time. that being said, still, I went about as business as usual, until last month. He was in a habit of sending out emails company wide when there was a big company event or gathering. the last was a party at his lodge. Just to be proper, i sent him an email thanking him for the invite (even though it was not to me personal), but letting him know I was going out of town with my husband on vacation and I would not be able to attend. I was also going to a convention that he asked questions about, being that it was not well know. It felt so cool that he wanted to know (and made a point to mention it even after). At that time, I noticed that I realized I was going to MISS HIM!! What the F***!! I thought of him the first couple of days on vacation, then I talked myself into realizing, "this is stupid and a waste of time". Then I was fine.

 

But when I returned within in a week, he was at my office welcoming me back with a hug. I was thrilled and so happy to see him. i had missed him and he had missed me!!! From then on, we spoke daily and met once a week. One Friday evening, when I was working from home, we spoke regarding an email and in the middle of the conversation, He told me he was coming to see me. i immediately told him I was not at the office and he quickly stated he knew and wanted to come see me in my town. I playfully added he should leave soon ad he quickly followed with," If I come out there, I am not leaving." HE SAID IT!! What I was waiting for, but I fell silent with no answer, but I melted and since then could not wait for him to schedule the next meeting. We would always continue were we left off. our flirting that is, but it was getting intense and I felt like a high school, only able to shake my head up and down and smile. he acted the same. At the last meeting, it was understood based on our looks to each other and quite statements (his compliments and accepting of them), that we knew something was go on. I told him that I wanted to speak with him off record and would contact his cell. he stated yes and that he really wanted to know me personally (this was not the only time he had said these words... I am moving quickly).

 

That night, i did not call, but texted his phone, he said he wished we could hang out after hours if only we lived closer, I said I did too and thought we might meet and he quickly said we should meet somewhere in the middle between his town and mine. You know what I texted back The stupidest thing in the world that I will regret for the rest of my life. i texted: "The middle..to talk? the middle is hard to find". He immediatley texted back: "I only want to want to hang out. We have plenty to talk about." I texted back that I really wanted to do that and asked if he had any ideas?" That was last Wednesday. I have not heard a word since. In a moment of missing him, I sent him a text telling him all he had to do was say where and when and I would be there. I also said that I wanted to start from the beginning as I thought the previous msgs sent to him were silly. That was Friday! He is involved with a big project,but I make no excuse or him.

 

I can oly imagine that my texting sucks and it is my fault for not telling him how I reall feel. I want to talk, but much more! I think my signals said that, but my stupid words said other. i think I sabotaged it purposely to not make a decision, but I wanted him to read that. YES, I KNOW HE CAN'T READ MINDS BUT WHAT MUST A GIRL DO!! He was always the one to make th statements and give compliments, I was hoing he would give me a chance at our next meeting. I HOPE SO!! I am lost and in heartache. i can't believe I am here in this situation.

 

I wait for our next meeting which is nex week as he is out of town on a big project. This is stupid as I have a wonderful husband and love him dearly, but again, when I first met this other man, i felt I could have married him too. The energy when we are together is smothering and intoxicating and I feel that my statement embarressed him and threw him for a loop. I don't know, but I want to get back to us wanting to be together and talking again. I think it will when he returns and we are in a meeting again. But at the same time, I think he is dangling a carrot and wanting me to hop and show him that I REALLY feel the same. Please help!! Because I am getting ready to grab the carrot and start hopping.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

You seems excited about this meeting about the other guy. Please don't put your hope high, because he is married too.

 

How long have you been married? Are you bored in your married life?

 

Do you have children? Would it be consider as cheating?

[West World]

I am excited, but have no hopes really. i just want to be with him. i know it is cheating and i am so lost in my emotions. No excuse. he has children and i do not. he brought them to the office last week. Yes, I consider it cheating cause I think of him every second. i am clouded by his presense and wonder if he is feeling the same. I love my husband, but I want to know this man too.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Are both of you just looking for one night stand or short term fun?

 

Would both of you get divorce in order to be together?

 

We have to think about the reality. He is your boss, it would have greater impact on you emotionally and career wise.

 

If this affair end up badly, would he use his power at the company and turn table on you?

 

When this affair are make known in your office, it would affect your reputation. Your work performance would be discounted. The reason is people would think you use your sexual appeal to move up the ladder instead of your hard work.

 

Do you ever fear that his wife or your husband would find out about it?

[West World]

I really don't know what he wants. i know that if i get to talk to him ad know him better, I will stop obsessing. I do not wish for a fling or something short term. I do not want to have his wife find out, but I have been honest with my husband about this situation at work and that it will work out of my system soon. i know it will and will not lead to divorce for either of us. As much as I want to get to now him better, I know that I have not lost my mind, yet! But I can't let go of that connection. I am afraid of all thise questions you have placed. I still do not know how to feel. I do not want to get hurt or hurt others or ruin my marriage or his or my career or his for that matter. I care for him and Love my husband. I have always been someone who believes in monogamous relationships and again, am shocked i feel this way at all.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I am glad that you are honest with your husband.

 

May be you should keep distant from your boss and not to meet him in private places. Be professional and act like nothing has happen.

[West World]

I have. I wished that he did not feel embarressed however. As that is only what I can assume because he has not contacted me, but I have acted as if nothing has happened since. But I can't help but wonder if we will go back into the flirting when we next meet. i sort of hop so, but at the same time, know nothing else can come of it. Thank you for your responses, they are helping.

[HellFrost666]

You might want to break up your post into paragraphs, it will make it easier to read...

 

But now on to the meat of it. It sounds like you are using this mutual attraction to your advantage at work. If the two of you carry on your relationship further and it doesn't work out how he wants it to, think of how that will hurt you at work.

[kelkel]

You are obviously a very intelligent woman. But we are all imperfect and make mistakes. Aside from the fact that this might affect you career and work performance........your very first mistake was feeding these feelings

 

It is fine to be fond of someone, but constantly flirting, meeting, texting to each other in a very personal way is like playing with fire and dont u see you have lit a flame? You are questioning yourself because you know within yourself something isnt right

 

i know you dont intend to get divorced now but you are just digging a hole for yourself, dont do it, dont cause heartache for yourselves, please get out before you fall in love, as humans we get attracted, but this can happen all the time it is just how u feed it, keep it professional, i know it excites you and a little excitement is fine but dont compromise what you believe is right, just for irrational emotions.

 

I have always been someone who believes in monogamous relationships and again, am shocked i feel this way at all.

 

you said it NOT me !

[West World]

You might want to break up your post into paragraphs, it will make it easier to read...

 

But now on to the meet of it. It sounds like you are using this mutual attraction to your advantage at work. If the two fo you carry on your relationship further and it doesn't work out how he wants it to, think of how that will hurt you at work.

 

But I really am not. That is NOT what I was after, this was only what came about. I care for this man and REALLY want him to know. None of this is because I wanted to climb the ladder, he initiated those moves himself. i watched as a love sick teenager as he did his for me. I do not know what to do accept let him know I care so he does not think that. I was only explaining everything that has happened to make sure every point was hit and as much as i hate hearing the statement that I may have used him. I need to hear it, but I can honestly say that it is not true!

[Batya33]

But I really am not. That is NOT what I was after, this was only what came about. I care for this man and REALLY want him to know. None of this is because I wanted to climb the ladder, he initiated those moves himself. i watched as a love sick teenager as he did his for me. I do not know what to do accept let him know I care so he does not think that. I was only explaining everything that has happened to make sure every point was hit and as much as i hate hearing the statement that I may have used him. I need to hear it, but I can honestly say that it is not true!

 

How can you say you care for him when you are willing to take part in something that will eventually hurt his children deeply? Reading your post makes me feel better when tactless people imply or express that I am somehow less mature because I am not married. So-called "married" people like you make me remember that the status of being married doesn't always correlate to maturity, responsibility or integrity.

[West World]

Yes, I said it! I did not mean to feed it. i am such an idiot!! i wish I could apologize!

[HellFrost666]

Ok, but did he help anyone else climb the ladder?

 

To be perfectly honnest he sounds like an unethical boss and you sound very naive.

[West World]

How can you say you care for him when you are willing to take part in something that will eventually hurt his children deeply? Reading your post makes me feel better when tactless people imply or express that I am somehow less mature because I am not married. So-called "married" people like you make me remember that the status of being married doesn't always correlate to maturity, responsibility or integrity.

 

Your statement is unfair. I guarantee that most of us who are married and find ourselves in these situations are not looking for them at all. I WAS NOT! If you think being married is about being mature than you should really questions your reasons for wanting to get married, because what you will find are two individuals who are growing together and dealing with everything life has to throw at them, TOGETHER! maturae or not, sometimes life thorws crap like this and i am not proud, i only admit my feelings which apparently are human.....

[Batya33]

Your statement is unfair. I guarantee that most of us who are married and find ourselves in these situations are not looking for them at all. I WAS NOT! If you think being married is about being mature than you should really questions your reasons for wanting to get married, because what you will find are two individuals who are growing together and dealing with everything life has to throw at them, TOGETHER! maturae or not, sometimes life thorws crap like this and i am not proud, i only admit my feelings which apparently are human.....

 

You have total control over your actions and reactions to your feelings. You are choosing to react by acting inconsistently with your marriage vows. You can choose to be faithful and not be with this man but you are instead choosing to start an affair.

 

I didn't say I thought being married was about being mature - I said that people have implied that it is. Your behavior - in my humble opinion - is far from mature. Your feelings are human of course - temptation is everywhere which is why there are marriage "vows" - your reaction to your feelings are inconsistent with the vows you took. Why not choose to not react to your feelings and instead honor your commitment to your husband and marriage? Apparently you want the benefits of marriage - otherwise you would divorce - but with the benefits come the obligations to be faithful even in the face of temptation.

You are going to do what you're going to do despite what anyone says. I hope that by some miracle his children aren't impacted.

[West World]

Ok, but did he help anyone else climb the ladder?

 

To be perfectly honnest he sounds like an unethical boss and you sound very naive.

 

Maybe he is, I can only say that I was surprised more so the naive. i looked up and there he was, helping me. But that is another story that and why he was new to the company. That being said, if you want to call it naive, then i would say that yes, i was naive. Again, i was not looking for anything from him and surprised I was being helped by him in the first place.

 

I don't want to make excuses for him or myself. I know who I am and i would like to think that he was only reacting based on that connection we felt when we first met.

[ZoeMatthews]

I don't want to make excuses for him or myself. I know who I am and i would like to think that he was only reacting based on that connection we felt when we first met.

 

A good friend of mine confided to me that she was having marital problems... but before she jumped in the sack with a co-worker she lusted over, she quit her job before she did anything stupid. She put her husband and her child before herself.

 

She could have had this affair and her husband would have never found out, but she would have known and I am sure she would have felt guilty for the rest of her life.

 

How about this? Think about your husband, think about the years you have been together with him...and how it can all go away if you do not stop actions you have already put in motion.

 

Think with your brain not your crotch!! I have been in that situation...I have lusted after guys...but when you start thinking of your husband and your boss' wife and his kids...everything will be put into perspective.

 

I have been cheated on and its not a very nice feeling...but I was not married to this man nor do we have kids...but it still hurts...

 

Think before you ACT!!

 

Zoe

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Maturity depends on individual.

 

It is not necessary a married individual is more matured than a non married one. People makes mistakes, as long as they realise it and rectify their mistake. They are a new born person. However it still depends on the hurtful party whether they want to forgive them or not.

 

Frankly, it is not wise to have an office affair even though both party are still single because you will get attack by other work colleauges. They will doubt your judgement and believe that you will help your lover in whatever ways.

[West World]

You look at marriage as a benefit and receivng hard earned gifts ...(this must be the other benefit too). I tell you what, I make no excuse for my feelings, I take my vows seriously and understand temptation GREATLY with this situation. I never thought I would be in this situation, but I tell you, hard earned gifts and benefits are the last thing in my mind regarding my marriage. i think of a marriage that i want to keep. I think of this man that i have grown with and love but I also question my feelings that have come out.

 

It would be so easy to say, Yes, I am immature and yes, I am so selfish, but aparently you as a single person have a point of view that allows you to judge married people in situations such as these and look down upon those who slip. Well, good for you, you are the picture of perfection.

 

Yes, my feelings are inconsistent with my vows, and it hurts me to feel this way because I would never have believed that these feelings woud come out of me. I told my husband because i love him but also beacuse i hoped that my feelings would subside and they have not. Is the boss unethical? I don't know, but Man, how easy to say someone is an * * * and have done with it.

 

But I love my husband and talking here is to help get my system clean so keep it coming!

[Batya33]

I am not perfect and never claimed to be. If you want to be with this man you have a choice- you can divorce your husband and when the divorce is final you can be with this man (if he is divorced) or any other single man you want to be. Responding to my opinion by saying that I must think I'm perfect is just trying to evade the real issue here - you are about to be unfaithful and in a circumstance where there are young children involved. Please do whatever it takes to avoid damaging their lives - they did nothing wrong and are not responsible for your less than satisfying marriage. you say you want input but from your responses here it sounds like you're trying to justify your actions to yourself.

[HellFrost666]

I don't want to make excuses for him or myself. I know who I am and i would like to think that he was only reacting based on that connection we felt when we first met.

 

See now you even admit it... reading this just pisses me off. So you got all this extra attention, extra money, etc because the boss is playing favorites and likes you. Think what your other co-workers are whispering about you behind your back!

[West World]

I am not perfect and never claimed to be. If you want to be with this man you have a choice- you can divorce your husband and when the divorce is final you can be with this man (if he is divorced) or any other single man you want to be. Responding to my opinion by saying that I must think I'm perfect is just trying to evade the real issue here - you are about to be unfaithful and in a circumstance where there are young children involved. Please do whatever it takes to avoid damaging their lives - they did nothing wrong and are not responsible for your less than satisfying marriage. you say you want input but from your responses here it sounds like you're trying to justify your actions to yourself.

 

 

Now that is the first statment you have said tonight that actually has something to do with the situation and much less berrating. I think of my husband and I do think of him (boss) and his family. More than likely, i would only end up like all the otheres who did step to the other side, left with a mess and broken hearts all around.

 

I don't know..I just like him. I don't want sex, i don't want to climb the ladder.. i just like him.

[West World]

I understand and this place is making it much easier to decide. Thank you for your honesty. i don't want to hurt anyone.

[West World]

See now you even admit it... reading this just pisses me off. So you got all this extra attention, extra money, etc because the boss is playing favorites and likes you. Think what your other co-workers are whispering about you behind your back!

 

i wish i could go into the previous company situation, it would explain more. Put it this way, he mentioned that my last boss kept me caged up and in a since, he did and the new boss liberated alot of departments. So i relly assumed that this help was a result. But i HOPED that he did it because he was interested. it was only a wish...

[Batya33]

Now that is the first statment you have said tonight that actually has something to do with the situation and much less berrating. I think of my husband and I do think of him (boss) and his family. More than likely, i would only end up like all the otheres who did step to the other side, left with a mess and broken hearts all around.

 

I don't know..I just like him. I don't want sex, i don't want to climb the ladder.. i just like him.

 

Actually, I repeated exactly the same thoughts about his children, etc as in my previous posts. It is fine to like him - you are human. It is not fine to act on liking him by acting inconsistently with the commitment you made to your husband. There wouldn't need to be wedding vows if it wasn't assumed that at times there would be temptation.