Girlfriend won't see me until after divorce

[PaulMn]

My girlfriend does not want to see me until I am divorced from my wife.

 

My wife and I separated 7 months ago. Because that was my first relationship, I did not know how to move on. I was concerned about what would happen to my ex, and felt responsible for her. So I went to see her about a month ago, to see if she wanted me back. I don't think I really wanted to get back with her. She said no, and I am OK with that. But not surprisingly, this upset my girlfriend. I know it seems like an odd way to try to move on, but it did allow me to accept that my ex will be OK without me, so now I feel ready to move on with my girl friend. If this sounds hopelessly clueless, it is. Although I was married for over ten years, that was my first relationship and I feel very inexperienced at starting a relationship.

 

So my girlfriend now says she will not see me until I am divorced, but at the moment my ex has said that she can't deal with that at this time, because she recently started a new job.

 

Any suggestions?

[amtjrtcet]

The marriage isn't truly over until you are legally divorced. I totally understand where your girlfriend is coming from and you should too. Respect her decision to stay away til after the divorce and work on you for right now.

[Jayar]

I think she's being very smart. And if you like her, go on and finalize your divorce and then good luck to you both!

 

There would be a little less heartbreak if all girls were as smart as your GF.

[Dako]

Paul,

I think you need some alone time, and this is a perfect opportunity.

 

The thought of trying to reconcile while dating another woman tells me you don't really know what you want.

[RayKay]

My reaction would of been similar, except for the fact if I found out you asked to reconcile with ex I would not even have given a "after the divorce is final" to be honest.

 

If you really want to be with her, she has told you what needs to be done. Your choice, but I agree with Dako that it seems that maybe you are still going through the emotional stages of healing, and this may not be the best time to get involved with someone else.

[PaulMn]

Yeah I know, but those aren't the answers I wanted...

[ZoeMatthews]

Paul,

I think you need some alone time, and this is a perfect opportunity.

 

I totally agree with this statement. Don't jump from one relatioship to another . GIve yourself time to heal from the break up of your marriage, even if you feel you don't need to, to get with your GF.

 

She is very smart in my opinion. If you are really serious about a relationship with her..you will do what is right.

 

Z.