He wil not call - why can't i accept that?

[this2willpa55]

it's been one month now since the breakup. he has not called to even ask how i am diong. i keep hoping that his new relationship will not last, so he will come back to me. this has been the hardest weekend in quite some time. i literally think i am going crazy from all the pain.

 

part of healing is letting go, and i am having the hardest time accepting it. i spent the whole day staring at my cellphone, crying in bed. i keep thinking again and again, should i call him to see how he is doing? maybe if he hears my voice, he will remember all the wonderful memories we had.

 

this man cheated on me, and to be honest with you, if he asked me back, i would probably welcome him back with open arms. what is wrong with me?

 

please friends, help me be strong.

[kickedin]

dont do it you will feel worse

[Hope75]

Hey Girl,

 

So this guy cheated on you and left you for another... but you'd take him back?

 

Do you know that you deserve more?

 

A man who does that to you does not love nor respect you. I'm not sure who would want to give their heart to someone who would not cherish it and treat it with the utmost respect.

 

Do you want to talk about it? What happened?

 

((HUGS))

[this2willpa55]

Hey Girl,

 

So this guy cheated on you and left you for another... but you'd take him back?

 

Do you know that you deserve more?

 

A man who does that to you does not love nor respect you. I'm not sure who would want to give their heart to someone who would not cherish it and treat it with the utmost respect.

 

Do you want to talk about it? What happened?

 

((HUGS))

 

i have no idea why i would take him back. i have lost all confidence in myself.

[Deserted1]

I feel for you! I'm going through something similar. My ex cheated on me too and tried to hide it and keep me as a backup for weeks. It ended in a terrible mess! After begging and pleading with her to stay with me (absolutely the wrong thing to do), she went to the new guy and strung me along for a bit. It's a good thing I found this site, and learned much needed lessons on how to deal with these situations. I believe you should not call him. You will only push him away and you will continue to torture yourself with rejection. Initiate No Contact with him. Let him be for now. When the ex has a new person in their life, their focus is no longer on you. You are now a SECOND thought. This is not a good position to be in, you will beat yourself up just to get crumbs of his time. You deserve so much more. Start with NC and get yourself straight, start focusing on getting yourself healthy and in time you will see more clearly what your heart's future will be. With NC you expect nothing and with that you will not be disappointed.

Take care!

[this2willpa55]

i have been on NC for 3 weeks. i guess this weekend has been so hard because it is finally sinking in that he has moved on.

[zrehman]

Hey cutie, don't call him at ALL. He will realize sooner or later that you were an amazing person in his life and he threw it all away. Whatever you do, do NOT contact this wanker. You deserve better and you seem like a sweetheart. Best of luck. I am sure you will run into an amazing guy that will take your mind away from your ex. Just give it time and heal and just talk to us on here, we can help!

[Deserted1]

I have been broken up 4 1/2 months now, it seems like years. I initially went NC for 6 weeks then broke when she sent me a "reach out" E-mail. I took the bait, but replied 5 days later to it. She the ran with that and started E-mailing more, telling me so much has changed in her life. Well curiosity got the best of me and I called her. O man, not something I would recommend. I thought I could handle a conversation with her. WRONG! I started to break down, but caught myself. We talked about 10 min, then she got a call. She told me she'd call me right back. In 3 1/2 years she has never done that, she has always waited to finish talking to me and then will call the other person back. I wonder who it could have been? Hmmm...! See what I mean about second place? She did call me back in a few mins, but I kept getting shut down on things I would ask about us. After that call, and breaking NC, I felt miserable for days. That's what happens! Don't call! Keep with the NC. I has been over 2 months since that last contact with her, and I feel so much better sticking to NC! I don't expect to hear from her anytime soon, and her B-Day is in a few days, mine is 2 weeks after. She will not hear from me though! Keep on with the Healing!

[ebsmith1]

Hon, I just sent you a message. I could totally have written your post. I can't accept it either and I constantly think of all of the things I could do to make him remember. It won't work, he remembers and someday, he'll wish he didn't because he messed up. I'm trying to make it to Thanksgiving with NC. I'm not good at ignoring holidays, even with people I don't like, but by then I hope I'm stronger!

[Deserted1]

BTW, believe it when I say they do think of you and miss what they had. Example: about 3 weeks after we talked on the phone(broke NC), she called my sister. My sister missed her call, the ex wanted to see my nieces, who she adores, she had a picture of them as her computer wallpaper for months. Anyway my sister didn't call her back, she said she would have felt weird with the situation. I told her I didn't mind if the ex wanted to see the kids, but not to give her any info on my life. She hasn't called my sis again, but I know she's hurtin'! They need to see what life without us is really like. If that is what they want then so be it, but that choice comes at a cost!

[Hope75]

Sometimes we struggle so much at first being on our own, or we are so scared of a life without the other person, that even if we know they are not good for us, we crave them anyway.

 

With time your head will take charge of your heart, and you will recognize that this is a better choice and that a guy like this is no good for you and that you deserve better and are worth better than he treated you.

 

Hang in there, hon!

[this2willpa55]

i have really tried my best with NC. I even have several items left at his place that i haven't asked for. he left me for a much younger woman who lives in another state. that's what hurts the most. i keep hoping that this relationship will not last and that he is just going through a phase. i honestly thought we had a great relationship. we got along great. that is why this is so hard. i had another long term relationship where i saw the writing on the wall. i knew he was not the man for me. i have had many significant relationships that i have ended because of that. i guess you can say that i have been around the block when it comes to relationships. i know what i want, and i thought it was him. i was POSITIVE we would be together.

[Hope75]

i have really tried my best with NC. I even have several items left at his place that i haven't asked for. he left me for a much younger woman who lives in another state. that's what hurts the most. i keep hoping that this relationship will not last and that he is just going through a phase. i honestly thought we had a great relationship. we got along great. that is why this is so hard. i had another long term relationship where i saw the writing on the wall. i knew he was not the man for me. i have had many significant relationships that i have ended because of that. i guess you can say that i have been around the block when it comes to relationships. i know what i want, and i thought it was him. i was POSITIVE we would be together.

 

It sounds like you were more aware when things were going downhill in previous relationships, but in this one, he really had the wool pooled over your eyes until it was too late.

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. It was a lousy thing that he did and you are definitely worth more than this.

 

I had a bf (now ex) whom pulled the wool over my eyes like this too. I thought he was so perfect, smart, handsome, successful, funny, all my friends liked him, I loved him! But he was a big faker too... and I was devestated just like you are now, for a long time over him. If it makes you feel any better, when I think about him now I feel nothing, and I've been with a MUCH better guy for me for the last 4 years.

 

It really was my ex's loss, not mine, but it took me awhile to figure that out. I think, with time, you will figure that out too.

[this2willpa55]

BTW, believe it when I say they do think of you and miss what they had. Example: about 3 weeks after we talked on the phone(broke NC), she called my sister. My sister missed her call, the ex wanted to see my nieces, who she adores, she had a picture of them as her computer wallpaper for months. Anyway my sister didn't call her back, she said she would have felt weird with the situation. I told her I didn't mind if the ex wanted to see the kids, but not to give her any info on my life. She hasn't called my sis again, but I know she's hurtin'! They need to see what life without us is really like. If that is what they want then so be it, but that choice comes at a cost!

 

i believe you. we have so many wonderful memories. he was a big part of my life: my friends and family adored him. his friends and family adored me as well. we spent several saturdays with his father (who i also miss horribly). my father is no longer in my life. he told me that i am the most beautiful person inside and out that i have ever been with, and i have treated him the best out of all his relationships, but he needs someone with boisterous, aggressive type personality. he said i made him happy, but he thinks there is someone else out there who can make him happier (that hurt). he had someone already in mind. someone much younger.

[this2willpa55]

thank you for your encouraging words. i know in time i will get over him. it is so nice to know when i have days like this, i can come to this forum to share my thoughts. everyone here has been so helpful in my recovery. i know that i am an amazing catch and it's his loss. i also believe in karma, but i love him so much that i wish nothing but the best for him.

[Hope75]

thank you for your encouraging words. i know in time i will get over him. it is so nice to know when i have days like this, i can come to this forum to share my thoughts. everyone here has been so helpful in my recovery. i know that i am an amazing catch and it's his loss. i also believe in karma, but i love him so much that i wish nothing but the best for him.

 

There's nothing wrong with not feeling hate towards someone, even if they've hurt you. It takes alot of energy to hate a person or to wish them ill will, and in the end it will only poison your soul and make you feel worse.

 

You have a great attitude and it's totally normal that you are feeling this way right now. This place is a wonderful healing tool to come back to when you are feeling down. So many great people, many of whom have been where you are!

 

Hang in there!

[Deserted1]

Ouch! That hurt me!

[queenofvalidation]

I recommend you read all of SuperDave's posts!

 

To feel better now some things you can is make a list of all the things that bothered you about him and look at that list when you miss him.

It's ok to cry. When you cry, you heal so drink alot of water, start working out daily, get lots of sleep, eat a healthy diet high in chocolate! (*exercise & chocolate raise your serotonin level-your happy hormone-your happiness is your greatest asset which has recently been sabotaged!)

I promise you, you will survive this and it will make you stronger and wiser.

 

And...if you (for some crazy reason) still want him back DO NOT CALL THAT MAN! Trust. It may take some time, but he will call. Ugh, probably soon after she dumps him.

[this2willpa55]

I recommend you read all of SuperDave's posts!

 

To feel better now some things you can is make a list of all the things that bothered you about him and look at that list when you miss him.

It's ok to cry. When you cry, you heal so drink alot of water, start working out daily, get lots of sleep, eat a healthy diet high in chocolate! (*exercise & chocolate raise your serotonin level-your happy hormone-your happiness is your greatest asset which has recently been sabotaged!)

I promise you, you will survive this and it will make you stronger and wiser.

 

And...if you (for some crazy reason) still want him back DO NOT CALL THAT MAN! Trust. It may take some time, but he will call. Ugh, probably soon after she dumps him.

 

i just ate a viactiv which is suprisingly yummy considering it is a calcium supplement. ladies, i highly recommend it. it is not only good but good for you.

[sreupert]

hey hun,

 

I'm sorry fo you pain. I too was cheated on by my ex and I feel pain every day. I was stung along for a couple months and I'm trying no contact. The NC has seemed to help when I do it. From time to time though I drive by her house and I see his car there and it tears me apart inside. I know she's not coming back and I wonder what it is I'm even hanging on to anymore. We have to be stong and tuly do NC. Good Luck!!!

[whoops]

when someone cheats on you it is harder i think - you get angry alot

 

anyway you shouldnt go back but move on and remember at least you know who you are - you can hold your head up and high and pray that karma will do its best work

[Survictor]

Your self esteem is pretty low right now. It is really hard to know that someone you loved chose to give love to another. Because you are feeling crappy about that, you feel not quite good enough to reach out to someone new and now isn't the time either and so you want to hang on to him.

 

By going off with someone else he has shattered your confidence. There are lots of reasons though, why someone chooses someone else over another person and it is usually because that person offers something they want. I am not talking just sex here. It could be they feed their ego, have lots of money, drive a fast car, offer them excitement etc.

 

This guy isn't worthy of the love you gave him, honey. It is that simple. You don't need him.

 

Get up out of that bed, put on some lively music and start a better day today.

[kath123]

i know this feeling well, not being able to think of anything else. I have done n/c now for four weeks (unless its concerning our kids) but havent spoken to him about anything to do with "us". It seems to be getting harder by the day to survive this. Last night after two bad days i decided to write him a letter(i havent sent it!) I have been writing most days in my little book all my feelings etc, but i thought it was time to write to him.

The letter was too long to write here but it included how i feel since he left me(another woman,married with kids herself) .I dont know if this is a relationship he has going, but someone who was certainly in the picture.

I think he should know the devasating affect his actions have caused.How i am afraid to put the radio on, how i cant take my children to the places we used to go as a family because it hurts too much etc. This letter isnt a begging letter,just letting him know what he's done to me.

Also ive stated that i dont want to hate him,that in time i would like to talk to him about things because, to end up like complete strangers would mean our life together would have meant nothing,just a distant memory.

I want so much to know how he feels, that its got to the point that even if he tells me that he is happier now,that hes getting on with his life then i would have to accept this and it might even make things easier for me to deal with. He doesnt know how i feel because i have acted in front of him.

He may even think that i'm happier without him!!

I havent sent the letter yet and i am debating whether to just send a text asking him if he's happy.just that,nothing else,and if he responds saying "yes" then i will leave it like that.

What do you think i should do?? please give me some advice before i decide

[this2willpa55]

this is a hard one. if he answers yes, is that the answer you will need to move on? you have done NC for 4 weeks now that pretty darn good. you only know how you would react if he responds yes. i know if i were to see that word, i would be devestated and be back at square one in terms of emotions and sadness. with the help from all you wonderful people, and knowing that i may hear words that will only hurt me more, i have stopped myself from contacting him.

 

so, i say do what's best for you, if the answer yes will help you move on, then do it.

[kath123]

well i posted a thread this morning about this letter and the overwhelming advice was "dont do it" so i havent. i knew this was the advice i would receive but it helps when people give all their reasons why i shouldnt break the n/c.

It all makes sense but it is so difficult to know what to do for the best.

I feel better now than this morning,which are always so hard,its like starting the nightmare all over again everyday! but i expect you know this only to well.

Ill hang on in there again and see if i can get stronger before i do anything drastic that i may later regret.

thanks willpa55 and dont forget stay strong yourself x