Lovely8466 Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Alright, well.. how do I put this. I love my bf very much, and we have gone through quite a lot in the past year that we have been together. Lately, probaby a few months ago, absolutely everything about him has been bugging me. It's stupid little things... that I'm not sure if I want to mention. But just the way he does mostly everything, he just gets on my nerves now. I don't understand why this is happening. I've been stressing a lot about this relationship. Just noticing things about him I didn't notice before (not good things). For example, he jumps on me for everything, such as my opinion, but I NEVER see him do that to his friends or anyone else. I've been so angry about that in the past few months.. he just starts these stupid arguments. I have told him this numerous times, how crappy he can make me feel, but nothing has really changed. Anyways so the point is.... now I'm just annoyed by a lot of things he does and I've been distancing myself from the relationship. I don't care about things as much as I used to, yet everything is bugging me with him. It's like I'm trying to find excuses to break-up with him, but I really don't want to. Just so confused... anything would help. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 When you two have discussions about things, do you do it with the idea to get the last word in? To "win" the discussion? To get the upperhand? Or do you two respect each other's viewpoints, find each other genuinely interesting to talk to and give each other a chance to finish your sentences before you break in and give your own opinion? In fact, are you even processing what each other is saying without mentally already thinking what you're going to respond in advance? If either of you are doing the negative things I mention above, why don't you be the first to stop and try the positives that I mention? Your boyfriend may not follow suit immediately, but eventually, he'll notice that something is different about the way you are communicating with and listening to what he is saying. I can almost guarantee it will change how he does both, too. Eventually. But it will call for effort and patience on your part. I realize that he may be starting this, he may be displaying most of this behavior. But if you respond to it differently, it can actually be the turning point in your relationship. Sometimes, we have to extend ourselves a bit more than we'd like in a relationship. But it usually balances itself out. And those are the relationships that become truly meaningful and healthy. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Another thing, a lot of relationships deteroriate into a "battleground" because we simply stop putting in the effort we gave in the early stages to respect our partner, to truly listen to them, and most importantly, to put ourselves in their shoes to figure out why they may have a certain opinion on something, BEFORE we respond to what they just said. If we don't reverse that pattern, the relationship goes downhill... Link to comment
rocio Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 My boyfriend annoys me too. Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 My boyfriend annoys me too. lol Hazey - my immediate thought too. As well as "Wait, I thought that's what they are supposed to do!" Link to comment
rocio Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 lol Hazey - my immediate thought too. As well as "Wait' date=' I thought that's what they are supposed to do!"[/quote'] Maybe, but couldn't they make an effort? When I let my bf know that something annoys me, he goes out of his way to do it more! Grrrr... But then at other times he's so cute it melts my heart. Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 He goes out of his way to do it more? That would annoy me too, especially after letting him know that it bothers me. If you are not married to the guy and he's making you miserable, why stay? It might be a good thing that you are distancing yourself a little bit. Make sure you can be strong on your own so that way no matter what happens, you can handle it. Good luck! Link to comment
Lovely8466 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 Yeah actually we do fight/discuss things that way... almost like we are trying to win with each other. And lately I have been wanting to get the last word in... I guess cause I've been so frustrated and annoyed. I do agree that I should do some of those things you mentioned... maybe I need some space from him for a while. I don't know how I can just snap out of it and let these things pass me by... Link to comment
rocio Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 He goes out of his way to do it more? That would annoy me too, especially after letting him know that it bothers me. If you are not married to the guy and he's making you miserable, why stay? It might be a good thing that you are distancing yourself a little bit. Make sure you can be strong on your own so that way no matter what happens, you can handle it. Good luck! I'm plenty strong, thank you very much. But he's going to be the father of my child, so I'm stuck with the bugger. It's just little stuff, like singing. He's always singing but he has a horrible voice. And he eats while talking on the phone to me. I think I've almost beat that one out of him! Link to comment
ImThatGirl Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Maybe, but couldn't they make an effort? When I let my bf know that something annoys me, he goes out of his way to do it more! Grrrr... But then at other times he's so cute it melts my heart. Mine does the same. Makes me wish I never pointed out that it annoys me. And (lol) always on Fridays he does something double annoying.... Link to comment
rmpavlock Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I didn't say you weren't strong...I meant that for the original poster. I just mean that I know how it is when you spend so much time with that one person it can be easy to forget to do nice things for yourself. If you have other friends, hobbies....etc., it makes it easier when you do break things off because then you have other stuff to fall back on. Link to comment
rocio Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I didn't you weren't strong. I know you didn't. I just like to declare my strength! Mine does the same. Makes me wish I never pointed out that it annoys me. And (lol) always on Fridays he does something double annoying.... Man, that's awful. And Fridays are such good days. Speaking of which, I'm so happy that it's Friday and I only have 1 hour left of this work week. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I don't know how I can just snap out of it and let these things pass me by... Well, at first, you'll definitely just be acting it...not really feeling all that interested/concerned about his opinion. But, when you actually practice something, it starts to become a reality. Since you opened up your first post with the statement that you love him very much, I wanted to give you some advice that would help you return to those better feelings. I'm not saying it's the overnight answer. Because there isn't one. It really may call for you to be the bigger one here, and be the first to reverse the communication trend you two are on. Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Well, after the honeymoon period, it is quite common that you each notice in the other all those little things...that you did not notice when the "new" was still there. For some people, these little "annoyances" prove to be too much (if they are more major for example about the core of the person, or about how they treat you...or they are addicted to the honeymoon stage and believe that if you don't feel that forever, it's not "true love"). I absolutely adore my boyfriend, and am 100% committed and in love with him, but there are times I can also get annoyed. But, I guarantee there are things that I do that annoy him too. So our solution is to decide how important that issue is, and how much a part of whom they are it is. If it is about how they leave dirty socks on the floor absent-mindedly now and then...to me that's a non issue. If it is about how they disrespect you....that's a big issue. Sometimes too it is a matter of taking the time to remember why you love them and wanted to be with them from the start...and often times it requires you also remembering what makes YOU happy. Sometimes when we aren't happy with ourselves, the tendency is to take it out on a partner by noticing how THEY aren't making you happy...but remember, their job is to be supportive, loving and your partner in life...not to make you happy. Link to comment
RayKay Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I wanted to add, that if I felt that my partner was not respecting my opinion or being overly critical, I would distance myself too likely....you need to talk to him about it...often the "issues" that you are fighting about are symptoms of something deeper that you need to resolve. Link to comment
Lovely8466 Posted October 20, 2006 Author Share Posted October 20, 2006 I appreciate everyone's feedback. I really do want to be the bigger person and try and fix or change some things. I just hope he changes some things too, otherwise it will never be resolved. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 I appreciate everyone's feedback. I really do want to be the bigger person and try and fix or change some things. I just hope he changes some things too, otherwise it will never be resolved. Be patient. It may take him a while to notice that things have changed. But he will notice eventually. Link to comment
Scout Posted October 20, 2006 Share Posted October 20, 2006 Oh, and here's a thread that offers an interesting exercise. Maybe you and your boyfriend could try it sometime...just for fun! Link to comment
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