well I think I blew it

[Jupiter]

Ok well its been a couple months of NC ,. She called me up around Christmas

To tell me happy bithday (10 Days Late) . I was kinda offended , but i said

thank you and tried to be nice to her. Then , later we got into an argument

about a mutual firends Christmas party that i didnt want to go to if she was going to be there, I didnt tell her that ,but I had told the friends that were throwing the party that. Anyways , she cought wind of that and got mad at me . Telling me that ive been telling our mutual friends a "sob story to make her look bad" and that "Im not handeling this healthy" and she has heard from friends that im not doing so well.

So, I kinda told her off, I let her know that yeah i Love her , but shes not the be all end all of me and that i was not going to argue any more.

She said " I know youre only doing this to get a reaction out of me " That and a few other things she said made me mad and I asked her to leave cous i didnt want to argue.

So... Ive completely shut up about it , I dont talk to my friends about it and just grin and bear it ,

But..... here I am , I still Love her just as much as I ever did.

What can I do ?

I want her back so bad , is there anything I can do ???????????

[splashdown]

Taking a step back from it for awhile will probably do you a world of good. Working on making yourself happy will make you much more attractive to her and to other people as well. She may never come back, and you can't make her, so moving on is probably your only option at this point.

[Jupiter]

yeah splash , Ive been trying to step back from it , its been months , Ive been out with other girls and all that , but I cant stop thinking about her.

[kate111]

Don't talk about her to anybody but a few trusted friends.

 

You have to try to erase her from your life. If she comes back she comes back, but don't plan your life around it.

 

I should take my own advice.

[shadow34]

*BONK* *BONK* *BONK*

 

Poor Jupiter, its a real head F*** isnt it!!!

 

I got this from my ex all the time, the yoyo, they want the goods but dont want to commit....15 months later we broke up, i did semi NC for 5 weeks, last night he calls me at 2 am and says he misses me etc......

 

Nothing will change, he will still be the same so I aint going back down that road.

 

You can start healing hun by trying to think positive, get out do some exercise, even if you dont need it. Keep that mind busy. I found it really helpful when I was feeling anxious to say out loud to myself " I love chocolate" funny I know but hey after saying it for a long * * * time u forget whatever else you are thinking about LOL

 

You havent really done full NC, so I think if you tried that, one you will find you will heal in time and if she is going to come back, then TRUE NC not calling every few weeks or letter or anything will do the trick if she is wanting you back...

 

Hugs

[Jupiter]

ok well, i just accedentally ran into her myspace ,

Shes on there in a bikini lookin all good,

and of corse their are messages to her from guys saying things like

"Happy Valentines day baby " GRRRRRRRRRRRRR

So , like a fool , I sent her a message saying "Hi , I accendetaly ran

into your page, I see youre a mypace nerd too know huh ?

Anyway , I wasnt sure if you wanted to hear from me or not , but i

thought I would say Hi."

I checked , she did read the message ,

but I got no response

Now I want to send her another on saying " ok , Fine then "

But i know thats prolly not a good idea

Sigh , Im hopeless

[lady00]

You're not hopeless. I'm sure we've all done similar things. I know I have. It's okay...eventually you will be just fine and you won't even think of contacting her at that point. Sorry I can't offer much advice beyond my own experience and that's usually how these things go. At first you contact them in weird ways and worry and wonder what they're thinking then you get ot a point where you don't care.

[Wandering_Sword]

Time to step back bro, if you don't you're going to suffer a severe case of "mouth-in-foot-itis." You're making all the classic mistakes that we all made and really (for us) it is beginning to look like watching a car wreck in slow motion.

You're disoriented and doing things you shouldn't be doing. You argue with her and then you stumble on her myspace page and say hello? That smacks of bipolar to her (looking like a psycho is definitely not attractive). So take a breather and step back, it will do the mind and soul a world of good.

Good luck and keep strong.

[Jupiter]

well, she mailed me back , just "oh hey how are you and your family?"

"nice to hear from you"

Geeeze i still love her , what do I do now?

[Wandering_Sword]

well, she mailed me back , just "oh hey how are you and your family?"

"nice to hear from you"

Geeeze i still love her , what do I do now?

 

Tell her that you can't do this anymore. Tell her that you love her and that you understand the reason your no longer together. Tell her that you respect the choices she has made and because of those choices you have to go away and find yourself again. Express to her explicitly that you are not angry with her, but you have to do this for yourself. From there NC all the way and regain a shred of your dignity. At this point, you will have to do some hard thinking.

[Jupiter]

well, until now its been 2 months of No contact

and before that there was 1 month of NC

[Jupiter]

well , Her Birthday is coming up this week ,

Should I msg her with a happy birthday ?

even though she was 10 days late on mine ?

Why is all this still driving me nuts

Ive gone out with other people, but I still want her.

[in_love]

Jupiter.... I think you should do absolutely NOTHING.

 

Just forget about it all. No messages, no nothing!

 

Sorry dude. Been 4 months for me and all i can say is that at least now I am beginning to be ok about it all... still pine for her inside but getting used to it.

[LostLoveinLosAngeles]

Jupiter your like desperate dude why dont you try doing "nothing". Nothing can cure all. Your like the titanic right now my friend and that is definitely not where you want to be. Honestly she seems not to care about you what so ever. Regain your F'n man hood my friend. When you do that then call her up and dont do the girly IM crap and tell her exactly how you feel. Dont cry if she doesnt feel the same way man. Just move on with your life. Jupiter would you even date your self right now man? I mean seriously.

[Wandering_Sword]

well , Her Birthday is coming up this week ,

Should I msg her with a happy birthday ?

even though she was 10 days late on mine ?

Why is all this still driving me nuts

Ive gone out with other people, but I still want her.

 

Let it slide bro. There can be of no good from this type of activity. It still reeks of desperateness and too much emotion. Stand back for a while longer if you still insist on contacting her.

[Jupiter]

So , just let her birthday go by ? , It wont be rude if i dont call her?

[Mavis VDSande]

No don't call her - because since that 2 months of NC she hasn't made any hints to contact or get to know you again.

 

If you call her she may be happy, but you won't be. Because you may not get the reaction of reconciliation you may want.

 

"It won't be rude if I don't call her?"

 

NO not really, it would only be rude if you were in her life right now and she was expecting it from you. Since you're not (at this moment in time), it's not an issue.

 

The fact that you are hemming and hawing though, is an issue for you. Because it seems that you are holding on to her very tightly, and you need to ease it up.

[Jupiter]

Thanks to anyone and everyone who has left me comments.

We have exchanged a couple of Myspace messages ,

But I may have been harsh in my comments

She seemed bitter , in her responses ,

just little bickering , nothing too bad ...

 

So I wrote her a long letter telling her exactly how i feel

Good and bad , I told her I cared about her and missed her ,

but not in a needy way , but in an honest way ,

It was close to Easter so I hold her happy Easter.

 

This was her response "you didn't make me mad at all. I'm just not sure how to respond. I need to find the right words.

I would sit here right now and type a message to answer your questions from the last message you sent me....but I have to go meet up with the family for Easter.

Just so you know, I do plan to respond to your message; I'm not giving you the cold shoulder or ignoring you. I'm just thinking.

Thank you for wishing me a happy Easter. I truly hope you have a happy Easter as well."

 

Ok what do you guys think ?? Did I screw up again ?

Is there anything i can do to make the situation any better?

[1forthegipper]

Jupiter...

 

You've done all you can.. let it ride now and do nothing.. You made contact, you were respectful and caring.. One thing you need to understand is that...If you make ANY contact with the ex you need to have the mindset that you're doing it for YOU and expect NOTHING from her in retur... In other words..NEC (No Expectations Contact)... Once you start making contact to get a reaction out of her or looking for results is when you start torturing yourself emotionally and you're not letting yourself heal from this...NC is meant get yourself away from the unhealthy situation and to heal from the heartbreak...Once you do this you'll be strong enough to make contact with her with NO EXPECTATIONS..... This is the only way that things can evolve into either a friendship or even reconciliation.....and that's by the both of you healing from this and reapproaching the relationship again if BOTH parties feel it is right.... The longer you push for something to happen the more you push it away....

 

Tha Gipp

[Jupiter]

well, ok I got tired of waiting for a response from her,

So after talking to a female friend of mine about it , she said "call her up just to say hi" ask how shes doing , but leave all the relationship talk alone,

So, I did

I left her a short voice mail , to my surprise, she called back in like 30 mins ,

we chit chatted a little , she seemed a little shocked , cous she asked about how my busines was going, I told her great .

She said " you didnt sound so confident about that.

I said huh ? no no , everythings actually really good,

she said , " Im surprised you just picked up the phone and called me , "

I said why?

She said , " cous i thought maybe you dint like me"..

I thought to myself after the last few myspace mesages i sent her pouring my heart out

, "why on earth would you think that I asked her, "

I kept the whole conversation light , ,, and pleasant ,,

She said , " I dunno , I guess we were pretty good friends , and always did see eye to eye I suppose"

Well , at that moment , I didnt know what to say ,

I quickly changed the subject ,

I told her , I didnt have any long speech to give, or anything really important to say , I just called to see how you were, I miss you ,

I told her , I wasnt tryin to bug her with the mypace messages,

"myspace is stupid anyway , so I really dont like talking on it "

she told me that im never bugging her , and that she inst mad , that i called ,

I told her i had to go in just a few mins cous of a business appt, "

"but it was nice talking to her, and that i was glad she called me back , and that she shouldnt be a stranger".

ok ,, so ....... now what? I still love her , she knows i do ,

what do I do now to make the situation better?

[macgyver4ever]

Here is my 2 cents.

 

I'd do nothing. At least not for awhile. Girls analyze conversations. She knows you love, and and can tell by what you said that you still love and care about her. Let her think about it. You've planted a mustard seed. Give it some time to grow, and maybe in a few days-weeks she will call back, or you can eventually call.

 

Just keep it light, happy and as upbeat as possible. Don't bother her with any problems, and if she complains about something, try to change the subject. You are not her emotional support anymore.

 

And she's right, myspace is stupid.

[ryan250]

Yeah, Myspace causes nothing but problems in relationships. I know it did for me, anyways.

 

Time to just stop talking to her man. Read a few of Superdaves threads on NC. For me, everytime I had the urge to here her sweet voice, I would just read those famous Superdave threads. Man, am I glad I followed his advice. She has been texting me ever since I have been NC with her! Women don't like needy men, so don't be one. Make it seem like you can do just fine without her, and you are living a great life. You let her know you love her, now there is nothing else you can do.

[ryan250]

Oh yeah, and stay off her myspace! It will only set you back to square one! Plus reading those comments from other men will just hurt you. Been there, done that!

 

When healing, this is KEY!

[UnderBear]

Hi Jupiter,

 

I just registered and read this entire post.

 

I just have to tell you I think you have been very strong these past few months, I could tell this was really tearing you appart. I probably feel about the same way right now...

 

You fell in some of the pitfalls you were warned about here, but I still think you have come out of it pretty good, and you seem to handle the contact you have been having pretty well considdering. But don't let my praise weaken your determination. Stick to the advises you get here, it seems to me there are many good and clever people here. It seems to me that much of the NC you actually managed to get through atleast brought you somewhat forward, both in terms of you getting a better grip on yourself and her getting the time to sort her thoughts. She WAS actually the one to call you after some time.

 

I feel with you bro (litterally right now),

hope you stay strong like you have

 

UnderBear

[Jupiter]

She WAS actually the one to call you after some time

 

Actually no , she wasnt , Ive been the one to initiate the contact 90% of the time , I called her toady and had that conversation i just posted,

I though it was kinda weird that she said she "thought i didnt like her or was mad at her " , even after I had just a week before , pretty much poured my heart out to her, she doesnt ever respond to my stupid mypace messages , so ... thats why I called her, I guess I just didnt want it to be such a "weird " thing if either of us wanted to talk ,...

She knows I love her, she knows i want reconciliation ...

but she doesnt want to talk about anything but every day stuff with me

so ,..... I wait i guess,

Hang in there Underbear