Girlfriend suddenly breaks up with me after 7 months... need advice!!

[Brian243]

ok im going to explain the relationship in every last detail so you guys can give me the best possible advice that can be given, i thank you guys in advance for any opinions you can give me, i feel like absolute trash right now. sorry for it being a long post.

 

Me and my girlfriend met at work a little less than 2 years ago, were both seniors in highschool, were in 2 different schools though. she only worked there for about 6 months, and we stayed in touch via aim after that. we become better friends talking a few nights a week just on aim then we were ever at work.

 

One night i was on aim with her talking around 2 am on a school night cuz i was having troubles falling asleep and so was she, so we decided to go to dennys (24/7 restaurant) that night... she even offered to pick me up, and we went to dennys but it wasnt like a date or anything, we were just talking and it was fun being in her company (this was about 5-6 months after she quit, and this is the first time i realized i liked her)

 

2 months later we decide to go on a date, it was v for vendetta, the date went bad because i was acting so weird cuz i was nervous cuz i liked her, the date ended and i thought i completely blew it, but we still talked afterwards and we decided to do something else together in the future.

 

3 weeks later we went to 2 partys together (2 different nights) and she got really trashed the 2nd night, and i took care of her because i really liked her and i didnt even take advantage of her either time even tho i easily could have. After those 2 days we started hanging out more, and we become a couple...

 

We were having so much fun being with each other, the first kiss, meeting her friends, her meeting my friends, everything about it was going perfect... Around early july we both lost our virginity to each other and confessed that we both loved each other a lot, and since then weve been fairly active sexually.

 

We only had 1 "real fight" before the end of summer... she went on 2 vacations and came home for 1 day inbetween those 2 vacations, and 1 day b4 she came home on her 2nd vacation one i left for mine, so we saw each other once in about 3 weeks time... so when i come home from my vacation we go out that night and after being with her for maybe a hour and half or something she said she was really tired and just wanted to go home, and i wasnt having it because i havnt seen her in forever and made a big deal about it, and she said she was mad because i was acting clingy and acting clingy is such a huge turn off for her, but she forgave me the next day and 2-3 days later things went back to normal..

 

Then school started and for the first 2 weeks of it things were still normal. she started a new job as well, so we werent with each other as much as before school. The last time we had sex was late one night at her house on a school night... things were fine and fun, but i think its after that day that i can say things started to get different, she started to become distant towards me.

 

she would talk to me and stuff via phone and texts, but as far as doing stuff together it wasnt happening... we were both busy with work / school / etc so it was already tuff to find time for each other, we saw each other 3 times in 4 weeks after that night at her house, and there were 4 occasions were we were suppose to do something but she completely blew me off (or "accidently" fell asleep) ill give you those 4 occasions..

 

- the first time she said her dad wouldnt let her do anything but she would still do something with me once her parents went to bed... but she fell asleep

 

-the 2nd time we were gunna go to one of my friends partys and she said she was too tired (around 5 pm, the party was at a college 2 hours away) and later that night she ends up going to a party with her friends anyways.

 

-3rd time we were suppose to do something friday night after she got out of work at 8:30, she doesnt answer her phone around 9 when i called instead she calls me at 11:30 and said her best friend was in a bad mood cuz she got into a huge fight with her boyfriend and that she wanted her to hang out with her that night, so she went to the football game with her friends and said that she left her phone at work and just got it back and didnt want to call me from one of her friends cuz it woulda seem like she was blowing me off, she never said sorry, she didnt even think she blew me off.

That weekend we didnt rlly talk to each other because i was really mad at her... especially for not saying sorry, and on sunday i talked to her for about 20 mins and asked if everything was ok because we werent doing as much stuff together as we usually were and that she was sort of being distant... she said everything was fine and that she was just so busy with school, and that shes usually to tired to do stuff after work and that she knows her friends wont be there next year so she wants to be with them a lot... i told her i understand, and that i want to be with my friends a lot too, but if we wanted this relationship to last, we would have to make time for each other as well, and we would have to be honest with each other... and she completely agreed with me and said ok.

 

something happened inbetween the 3rd and 4th instance that i feel is important... so im going to say that b4 i say the 4th instance she blew me off.

 

Anyways i see her this past friday (20th) we decide to do movie night at my house... shes never met my parents, she comes over, and she knew my mom was downstairs but i never introduced her to my mom that night... (ull see why i said this later) and the weird thing was usually at my house when we watch a movie or something in my room, we usually mess around instead of actually watch the movie. during the 2-3 hours she was over we made out for maybe 5 mins the whole time and she wasnt really into it, she kept saying she was sooooo tired, and that she just wanted to watch the movie.. she ended up leaving b4 the movie was over because she said she was too tired, i walked her out to her car kissed her goodnight, and she left (this was the last time i saw her)

 

saturday we both went to different partys cuz her friends had a huge party, and my friends had a huge party, and we both agreed to not fight about not being with each other... we already agreed we both wanted to be with out friends a lot... it was a mutual thing, and we both talked to each other drunk that night, things seemed fine.

 

4th instance - Sunday night i come home and i call her and were suppose to go to her senior recognition dance together (which is in november) and i already bought my suit and everything but i needed to get my pants tailored and her mom does that so i was gunna come over with my suit and let her do that around 7, i call her at 6 and she said she had to stop over her friends real quick to pick something up, and that she would call when she got home... i call her around 9 and she doesnt answer, i leave her a voicemail saying that she probably fell asleep and that ill just have to get them tailored some other time, and that was that.

 

the next day i call her after school and she doesnt answer, so i send her a text "call me when ur not busy, im gunna go over my friends for a little, love ya!!" and she texts back saying "this isnt working out anymore brian" and i was in a little bit of shock, i mean i could tell her feelings changed recently but i didnt think it was anything THAT serious...

 

her EXCAT reasons for the breakup were : "i cant change how i feel brian, i cant change my feelings, and i dont like the way our relationship is going, its changed, i like it a lot better the way it used to be and i realized that no matter what, it will never be that way again, so i cant do this anymore" and she broke it off just like that

 

that night i was basically trying to convince her (big mistake) that we could work it out, which just made her annoyed etc... the next day she texts me "why didnt you want me to meet your parents, its been 7 months and i have never met them" ... so i told her the truth, im a family outcast, im not gunna go into why i am but, me bringing my girlfriend home to meet my parents is sort of a awkward thing for me to do. and it had absolutly nothing to do with her, and she just said whatever, and i talked to her for a little bit more and she said she wanted space from me right now....

 

i dont know what to do right now, we havent talked to each other in 2 days, i dont want to lose her because i love her so much, is there anything i can do to get her back? i was thinking of sending her flowers + a card for sweetness day (this saturday)... any opinions are very appreciated, thank you all in advance...

[candy604]

can u space out one long paragraph into paragraphs for us,

 

it's really hard to read

[melrich]

Hi and welcome to the site. Your post is very difficult to read. You will get a much better response if you take the time to edit the post and break it into paragraphs.

 

Good luck

[Brian243]

i spaced it out the best i could... and re read it... tell me if its better?

[Brian243]

on a side note, i find this sort of weird but she refused to talk about it in person, and when i called her after receiving the first text she answered and i said why are u acting so weird, whats going on?? and she said i cant talk to you right now, she started to cry and hung up... and would only talk via text msgs after that

[laboheme]

Right now the best thing you can do is...nothing. She told you how she feels, she told you she wants space. If you really do love her, that's what you should give her. Space. In the meantime, try to mend your broken heart a little and get on with your life the best you can...It's not going to be easy, but it's the only rational thing to do.

 

Flowers and a card...that's cute, but only if it's done for your girlfriend...and she is now your ex. While she may appreciate them for a moment, it will send her the signal that you are not listening to what she said and are not willing to respect her wishes about space.

 

Any contact to try and "work things out" will most likely fall on deaf ears, unfortunately. If you reach out to her, you'll be expecting a response, which you may not get. Or else be prepared to hear the same thing about her feelings.

 

As far as texting versus calling, she may be having a hard time, too...But her tears shouldn't give you hope. From what I've heard, calling things off isn't always easy and triggers a lot of emotions...and crying may be out of compassion for you, or because she's feeling guilty...

 

Hang in there...

[Brian243]

labo : the card and flowers isnt trying to reach out to her, basically the card will have a note saying that i appreciate everything that we shared and had together, and that if what she wants is space, then i will respect her wishes and give it to her. right now weved had NC for 2 days but do u think its that bad of a idea to break NC by sending cards and flowers then resume to NC?? afterwards i wont expect a response, ill expect nothing, its more of a means to do something so i feel better about myself.

[laboheme]

If your motivation for sending the card is to get closure, make your point very clear in the card! Make it sound like a farewell, not a plea for one more chance. I'm not even sure about the flowers and doing it all on Sweetest Day...it might look fishy. And I generally think it's a bad idea to break NC like that...because even if you think you'll expect nothing, even if you swear to yourself that you're closing the door...it's not that easy to let go of hope. Don't be surprised if it destroys any personal progress you've made since the breakup...

[Brian243]

well... the thing is, im not 100% sure it is over, the whole not meeting my parents thing really threw me off... i almost feel like she broke it off because she didnt feel appreciated enough, and by me sending flowers and a card MAY bring her back, im not going to expect it, nor will i expect her to respond to it... but i want to feel like i did everything i could to try and save it, thats what the whole feel better about myself part was about, not the closure, closure for me would be 2 weeks down the road after i give her a card and flowers and she has kept up NC. but if u feel its a really bad idea, i will reconsider, what do u think

[laboheme]

Every situation is different...I'm just speaking from experience: after the breakup, my ex also brought up some points that made me wonder if I could get him back if I tried to fix them. No such luck.

 

I'm not going to tell you to send them or not send them...I'm just giving you a fair warning about what you may feel after doing it...And choose your words wisely when writing the card, should you decide to do so...If this is your attempt to show her that you know where you went wrong, make sure she gets that idea very clearly.

 

Good luck with whichever choice you make...

[Brian243]

thank you for your advice... im not sure what ill do just yet... any more advice from anybody would be appreciated... i need all i can get right now.

[Brian243]

i shortened it up the best i could, and when i read it i found it was a little hard to understand so i re worded it the best i could, hopefully i get more replys now... cuz i need the opinions =(

[bachinit]

Sorry that you are going through all this Brian, but you came to a good place. Most everyone here has been through what you're going through at one time or another. Including me.

 

From my experience (and that of many others), the best advice is to keep maintaining no contact of any kind. She may not even know for sure herself why it is that she broke it off, but she did. I know you feel that you need some concrete reasons for this, but trust me, you probably won't get them. There can be a lot of reasons, but she made a decision that you should just respect for now. Don't bother with the flowers and card. Don't call, text, IM or email. Just let it be for the time being. Your abscence (hearts can grow fonder) may or may not bring her back, but certainly nothing else will right now. She already knows you want to make it work. If she decides that it might (on her own), I guarantee she knows how to find you and will.