What is it I really want?

[slickspartan]

Ok, i'm in my early 20's and have NEVER had a serious relationship. To be honest i have never really had any kind of relationship thats lasted longer then a month. Is this normal? It never used to really bother me as i'm quite a good looking guy and as a single guy have never been short of female attention but for a couple of years now i've been telling myself that i want a meaningful relationship and even though i've dated many nice women who most people would give their right arm to go out with, i've never truly found one that i'm happy with and i've more often then not found excuses to finish with them or not see them again. This is mainly due to the fact that i am probably too fussy but the way I see it is, why should i settle for anything less then the best? I think it might also be a fear thing as well as if i'm honest relationships do scare me but thats mainly because i've seen so many of them fail and although people say its better to have loved and lost then not loved at all, I think its a lot harder to have loved and lost then not have loved at all. I see my friends all finding partners and being happy and for once in my life i know thats what i truly want but how do i achieve this successfully??

 

I know this is probably a bit of a weird one but any response are greatly appreciated!!!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Keep on dating.

 

It's probably because you haven't found a person whom you mesh well with. Thats okay.

 

It's okay to be "picky" but make sure it's grounded in reality. As long as your expectations aren't based on some hollywood fantasy it should be okay to be selective.

[Honey Pumpkin]

This is mainly due to the fact that i am probably too fussy but the way I see it is, why should i settle for anything less then the best?

 

I agree, it's no good to be in a hurry to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship. But what do you mean by the best? Because that reads really badly, to me. As if you're very arrogant, and very much have an idea in your head for what's acceptable.

 

I suppose what I'm getting at, there *is* not template for 'best'. There's what makes you happy, and who drives you insane with lust. Rather than what other people think the 'best'. That magic spark is elusive and often defies logic.

 

I read a lot of people here discussing what they 'want' in an ideal partners, a list of attributes. Which is nice - but then you meet someone and boom, you're just crazy about them. You like tall slim blondes, s/he's a short, fat brunette. Don't have a hard and fast rule of what you like, see who you connect with. If you don't connect. that's absolutely fine!

[rocio]

As you get older, you become more picky and set in your ways. When you have a meaningful relationship as a teenager, it teaches you how to be intimate. (Not just sex, but the intimacy that comes in a loving relationship.) How to open yourself up.

 

I didn't have my first relationship until I was 24. I also consider myself to be cute and always had fun dating. Just wasn't interested in having a serious boyfriend. I feel like it screwed me up a bit. Or maybe I was just screwed up to begin with? Dunno

[itsallgrand]

When I was younger - i am in my late 20's now - I was extremely picky. First bf I had was at age 21, and that one hit me upside the head. I was not looking for it.

He had nearly none of my usual qualifications for a bf - except the very bare bones important ones. He had a good heart, he was (still is, i would think) a good person, and a few other things. hehe. He was great.

 

I have gotten less picky as I get older. Clearer about what I want: but less stuck on the particulars or the package he will come in.

 

Anyhow, i happened to meet him at a time in my life when I was open to change and seeing things differently. I was receptive, I was happy with my life, all that good stuff. I was ready. On other days, I would have passed him up - but when I met him it was like 'i HAVE to go for it'. There wasn't even a doubt or option in my mind not to go forward and TRY.

 

So, maybe you haven't met the right person yet or maybe you haven't been ready.

 

It's not weird. It's nothing bad.

 

Since you say you now know you would to have a special someone in your life, open up to all the possibilities out there and see what happens.

 

Scared? Who isn't?! I was terrified and I still do get terrified when I meet someone I really, really like. But...to never know...that's just too much to bear. Once you get started, the energy and desire and curiosity propells you onward past the fear if you let it.

 

good luck.

[Juliana]

The problem isn't that the people you're meeting aren't good enough to be with you, it's that you aren't able to bear the idea of real intimacy and the possibility of being rejected.

 

Take heart, young knight; there are women who can see right through your facade and notice the person under the exterior. You need to date these women and get over the idea that : A. You are a great catch (so's every other guy on the planet, for somebody), and B. That they should meet your standards in every way (because your standards, as you say, are excuses to escape intimacy).

 

Be nice to the girls you date, date the girls you like, ignore the way they irritate you with their lack of appreciation for you, and their general non-goddess-like behaviour. And try to date women who look like you; that's your best hope right now.

[rmpavlock]

Just because you haven't had a long term relationship doesn't mean you should settle for something that isn't right. Maybe you just have a clearer idea of what you want than most people at that age. I think it's better to be alone than with someone who isn't right for you. Just make sure your expectations are realistic.