I have no sense of humor

[_AC_]

I feel like I have a really tough time making friends, and more importantly keeping dates going because I can't tell a joke or be spontaneously funny to save my life. Somewhere I read that humor is like "social lubrication".

 

I'm not into memorizing jokes, but... is there any value to making it a point to surf joke websites daily?

 

I do like to laugh and hear other's stories and jokes, but when it's my turn to get people laughing most of the time they just look at me as if to say "you dork"

 

It makes me not even want to try, which of course exacerbates the problem - and I hate being so boring that girls would rather stay home and pick their toenails than go out with me.

 

Please, no links to websites that want to teach me how to be a playa - I just want to become someone who's fun to be around.

[AwdreeHpburn]

AC - Improv classes can help with that sort of thing. That's entirely what they're about. Learning to be spontaneous and roll with any given situation.

 

But there's also nothing wrong with just being up front about certain things.

 

There's always a risk with being honest, it WILL put some people off talking to you a 2nd time but the ones who stay around, after you've been honest and upfront and said something like, "Look - I'm just not real good socially" OR "I'm not a joke telling, lively kind of guy," will be soooo much more worth being around any way because they are the understanding ones. They'll be the ones who are into YOU and what you're saying rather than how you interact - or don't - socially.

[AngelEyez]

Hey AC,

 

Maybe it's the fact that you are not very comfortable with the people you are around. I know that I'm very very quiet when I meet new people. With my close friends, I tell jokes and we laugh hysterically. Maybe you need to become more comfortable with people. Instead of memorizing jokes, try to bring up funny memories of your past experiences. Usually, my tactic to making people laugh is to use sarcasm, which sometimes gets out of hand. I always get in a comment or two, and my friends think it's hysterical, but then again, my friends would laugh at almost anything. Try not to care what others think about you. This only makes you more shy and more quiet. Be open!

 

AngelEyez

[melrich]

Yeah I'd ditch the canned jokes idea. Jokes are pretty lame and unless you are really good at telling them (a rare skill) about as welcome as a dose of the pox.

 

Better to try and hone your wit. Practice trying to see the funny side of things that happen around you. The funniest people are always those that can laugh at themselves.

 

At the end of the day, being funny is only a bonus. You don't have to be Ricky Gervais to be interesting.

[_AC_]

These are all great ideas, and they're exactly what I struggle with:

Being up front about how I am, remembering funny stories from my past, and finding humor in everyday life.

 

Maybe if I concentrate on these things I will be able to be more comfortable with people. It sure seems like a lot of work though - and it seems to just come naturally to most everyone else.

[AwdreeHpburn]

It may seem as though it comes naturally to others AC - but that's because of your perspective. If you try to back away from that perspective and pay attention from a different angle - you'll see just how common social phobias are.

 

You would see how often people get nervous. They bite their lips, play with their hair, wring their hands, look around a lot....you are really not alone on this one......

[LostInMyThoughts]

Funny stories from the past are a good route to take.

 

It's okay if you're not funny. So many people out there are plain and serious; just make sure you laugh though

 

A good date doesn't need to be have jokes and laughs. If you're passionate about something and talk about it, your date will see that and it will keep the date going.

 

I think being able to hold an intelligent conversation with someone is far more important on a date, than being able to make them laugh. I know I can't stand people who joke around all the time.

[_AC_]

It may seem as though it comes naturally to others AC - but that's because of your perspective. If you try to back away from that perspective and pay attention from a different angle - you'll see just how common social phobias are.

 

You would see how often people get nervous. They bite their lips, play with their hair, wring their hands, look around a lot....you are really not alone on this one......

 

Every now and then I do find a kindred spirit... but I moved last year to a different state, and haven't met anyone I can relate to.

 

It seems like most people want me to be as funny/smart/interesting as them, or they want nothing to do with me. I spend a lot of time feeling like a big dumb loser, even though deep down I know I'm really not.

 

There's another piece to the puzzle here that's a bit unique to me, I suppose.

I became a father at the ripe old age of 17, and at 18 I was granted full time custody of my son. I stopped doing everything in life beyond caring for my son and working to support us. I'm 29 now and I feel like the last 12 years of my life have been a black hole for my social development.

 

It's pretty sad. I have accomplished so much:

Raising my son without any help from his mother, worked and saved to buy a nice house, my son and I have every material thing we need.

I just feel like I've lost the ability to see humor in life and be sociable. I want to want to be around people, but I just can't seem to keep up with them in a social setting. They know so much more than me, and I can't remember anything... not even what I had for breakfast. It's like I'm so entrenched in survival mode I can't comprehend anything that isn't related to providing for my son - and all the useless trivia that people banter about is entertaining but I just don't have the capacity to remember and regurgitate it. I end up just sitting there and laughing and bobble-heading trying unsuccessfully to be normal.

Blah, sorry that turned into a puke-post.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Puke post - cute. No worries. That was great. It was nice to get a bit more info about you.

 

You sound like a real trooper. And motivated to boot. A good dad, responsible. I see absolutely nothing un-funny about that. Serioulsy, you probably just need a bit of a breather from the stresses of life.

 

What do YOU think is funny? What shows/movies do you watch?

[_AC_]

I've always had a terrible time answering personal preference questions like this. My head would probably explode if I had to do a blind taste-test.

 

I'm so verbally/socially constipated it's pathetic. I do need a breather but there really is no rest for this weary soul. Every time I think "I want to go join a club and meet people" I'm reminded that I have more serious responsibilities that require all of my non-working hours. It makes it very difficult to go out and experience life and get new material for stories to tell people about. I could go on and make a whole new thread on why my son isn't interested in joining a club with his dear old dad (if I could find one that parents and kids could be members of).

In short, I've created quite the prison for myself. At least I'm still young, right?

 

Anyways, this is going to be embarrassing - but here goes.

 

Funny to me:

Other people laughing

Squidward Tentacles

MXC - crude, but cracks me up

My nephews

Jim Carrey movies (yeah I'm immature)

very few StupidVideos

good stories told with lots of expression

off the wall comments

lame sitcoms, sometimes

 

There is lots of other stuff I find humorous, but one of my problems seems to stem from an inability to remember the details and funny stuff and retell it in a compelling way. A half an hour later I'll come up with something hilarious, but then whoever I was talking to is gone.

I think I must just have a low intellectual quotient.

[AwdreeHpburn]

"I think I must just have a low intellectual quotient."

 

Not at all AC - quite the opposite in MY opinion. That and you have W A Y too much going on to concentrate and memorise ridiculous movie lines like the rest of us.

 

And dude, I LOVE Jim Carrey movies. And SpongeBob is da bomb! We love Squidward and SB (SpongeBob, not SlighltyBent - but him too)

 

I'm sorry you were embarrassed making that list but be assured, you're quite normal actually. You're just too hard on yourself.

 

Give yourself permission to take a break. Having a breath does NOT mean you're a slacker or that you are shriking your responsibilities. There will come a time when you will need to loosen the bolts or the whole thing will all snap apart. Trust me....

[_AC_]

"I think I must just have a low intellectual quotient."

 

Not at all AC - quite the opposite in MY opinion.QUOTE]

 

Well, you haven't spoken with me face to face. I feel like a mess when I talk to people. Sometimes (rarely, lol) I have elaborate thoughts to talk about with people... but when it comes time to verbalize what's in my head it NEVER comes out right. It's like my vocabulary has shrunk to that of a elementary school student - and I can't even quickly spit that limited set of words out.

It's not even limited to talking to girls I go gagga over, it's almost everyone.

 

I don't feel like I can take classes or find a support group because it is crucial that I'm available for my son when I'm not working.

 

I am hard on myself, and I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for bringing a child into the world before being ready to properly raise him.

 

Something else that I've begun to notice, is that all this angst I'm suffering through is affecting my parenting. I know people say you can't be happy with anyone else unless you can be happy by yourself... but I'm absolutely starved for relationships and I don't think I really can be happy unless I have some external stimulation: friends.

 

It's a catch-22: No one wants to be my friend because I'm miserable and no fun to be around. But I don't think I can shake the misery without friends.

 

I just keep thinking if I could entertain people with humor (like all the popular people I see) that people would want to befriend me.

 

I'm sorry, I know you want to help me - THANK YOU for reading and responding to me! It means a lot to me that someone out there cares enought to offer words of encouragement even though all I do is rant and vent my frustrations about myself. I know I'm suffering to some degree due to my self-centeredness (is that a word?) - I am being totally focused on me here, after all.

 

If only I had some friends to focus on and unwind with, eh?

[jjgoldenpro]

I had a bf like you are for about 2 years and actually it wasn't so bad. The thing is that I'm very spontanius and I like to hear myself talk, I like to tell jokes and I like to live it up in life but I only need someone to listen. I don't mind if someone doesn't tell a joke back. It's all good.

 

maybe you have to see that you might be a serious guy that isn't so in with what's going on lately but that doesn't have to be a problem. With the right person you could have fun!

 

and about being a parent. you need time to yourself. when most guys were bumming around at age 18 you were a father and I'm sure you didn't get to be young much...now you might have a chance.

 

life isn't all about work and getting all the material stuff that's needed. you got to feel good about yourself too. and you have to be able to relax once in a while. maybe a day or two to just do something for yourself would be good...who cares if it's watching movies or talking to yourself. as long as you enjoy it then you might see some fun!

 

and when you have fun maybe you will dare to venture and see what else is up there. but it's not necessary. be who you wanna be and you will be happy. you don't have to be funny if it's not you. It's just fake then and it's no fun trying to talk to someone who's trying to be funny but his heart isn't in it.

 

so, be yourself is about the best news I got. people who don't like you for who you are aren't worth being your friends.

 

sorry, this is a bit of a ramble but I hope that it helps a bit. I understand what your going through because my ex bf talked the same way you do now.

[AwdreeHpburn]

agreed with ^

 

You DO need to find a way to get what you need so that you can be a more available parent. But you already know that, you said it.

 

So do it!

 

You're where? Washington State?

[_AC_]

I don't mind if someone doesn't tell a joke back.

 

Hopefully most people feel that way, but I feel like I'm letting them down if I don't come back with a funny story of my own or at least build on their story with a witty comment about it. I'd like to ditch that perception!

 

LOL, I like how you described your relationship with your ex boyfriend as "it wasn't so bad"

I'm sorry, Mr. no sense of humor finds some humor in that selection of words.

 

I did try to be funny with someone a few weeks ago... it was a miserable failure that makes me wince every time I think about it. So, so, embarrassing - that I could almost laugh at myself about it.

 

Your post describes what could solve my problem.

I need to be happy. If I'm having fun, I will be more fun to be around - and the social problems would likely melt away. Everything would fall into place after that. I just gotta climb out of this rut.

 

BTW, where is your old boyfriend now? Did he improve the way he felt about himself?

 

Ta_ree_saw, yeah I'm in Washington State.

There is plenty to do here - but I sort of lack the desire to do a whole lot on my own... I could probably start another thread on that subject.

[jjgoldenpro]

I really don't think you'll let them down by not giving them something to laugh about. If they know who you are they won't expect it. so be yourself.

 

I had to laugh when pointed out that I wrote "It wasn't so bad" lol I see the humour there.

 

I think the problem is you think about being funny to much. Usually when I think about "how could I be funny now?" I fail too.

 

yea, the biggest thing is to have fun and you will get better...and get some alone time to do whatever would help.

 

My old bf is living in Europe now and it seems that he is fine with himself now. I always encouraged him to try new things...like play guitar and stuff like that but only if he wanted to. This helped him loosen up and relax. He's fine now, still not funny but when I was talking to him I didn't want him to be funny, it was just great to have a guy to talk with that wouldn't try joke about everything.

 

look @ your good side. because I'm sure you have one!

[Elfdrinkingtea]

AC.

I hate being so boring that girls would rather stay home and pick their toenails than go out with me. lol lol

 

YOu are funny

[_AC_]

AC.

I hate being so boring that girls would rather stay home and pick their toenails than go out with me. lol lol

 

YOu are funny

 

LOL, I picked that one up in another thread... but it's still true and it sux to be me. Of course your life is influenced by your attitude, and I gotta work on making my outlook on life more positive - and relax, and stop caring so much what other people think of me, and learn some new things, and search out new experiences (so I have more stories to talk about), and on and on...

Sheesh. How am I gonna remember to do all this stuff.

[_AC_]

look @ your good side. because I'm sure you have one!

 

It's gotta be here somewhere....

 

I'm tryin to think, but nothing happens!

[zippitt]

On the flip side...I have a friend that is hardly ever serious and everything he says he tries to joke about. I want to tell him to shut up and act normal, it gets quite irritating. I gravitate to more serious, down to earth people.

[Aurian]

You may not be a class clown type guy, but your posts show wit and a lively mind. So what if you pinched an idea or two - they weren't copyrighted! Maybe a bar or a party where people are trying to be funny isn't quite your thing - maybe you need a different kind of venue to shine. God knows I'm kinda "lame" at parties. I feel more comfortable and relaxed in smaller groups and when I feel relaxed, then myself shows through!

 

I third the veto for canned jokes. There's a time and a place for them (usually with lots of beer), but much of the time throwing in a canned joke will just get you weird looks.

 

Hey, what about the chicken that crossed the street...?

[HurleyBabe6917]

The way I make people laugh is by making myself look like a complete idiot; i.e. making stupid noises, funny faces, saying random things.

 

but hey, it's gets them laughing.

[gotSPL]

yeah i giggle once in a while alone to. but then no ones around.