ugh, what to do

[kekep]

Hi everyone...first, I just want to say that I love this site. It has been there for me like no other friend has through the turbulence of my love life. It really helps me to know that there is hope for those of us going through a breakup. I came on this site 2 years ago when my ex and I broke up for the first time after 3 years of dating in college. We tried to be friends, but things got rough when he started dating another girl, so for about 4 months we did not talk. I dated around a bit, but nothing got serious, and when his relationship with the new girl fell through, we started hanging out again. It basically felt like we were dating (dinner dates, hooking up, etc.), but the words were never spoken until last summer when I told him we couldn't just be friends anymore. So we decided to give it another whirl for about a year and things were great until he moved back from college.

 

We spent literally every day together. Drove to work together, we had lunch and dinner together, basically attached at the hip. I think spending this much time with one another ultimately drove a wedge b/w us. I was relying too heavily on him for my sense of self, while he was taking our relationship for granted. So, we broke up last week. What sucks is, I read all these posts about cutting the person out of your life completely, but I feel like I can't just do that. I have broken NC twice now, once going to his house to drop off a gift I had purchased before the breakup for his nephew, and then today when we exchanged the following emails:

 

I miss you. Did you have a good weekend? - me

I don't know what to say...my weekend was alright...I am just trying to get on the best I can - him

I understand, I am doing the same. Do you want to try having lunch as friends, or is that too weird? - me

I'm sorry but I really don't think I am ready for that. I hope you can stay positive and find some outlets for your time. It's been really hard for me, but I am trying to get my life together and figure out where I am headed. -him

 

Ugh, just rereading the emails is embarrassing. Ok, so now I've realized he doesn't want any contact with me. But every morning I want to check his facebook for any crumbs of his life that I can get, to the point where I've become obsessed over it. He added pictures of us when we went out a few weeks ago and it just made me more upset, but also strangely happy that he still wanted me to see them, even after everything that's happened. Should I just unfriend him so I don't have any access to this information? It feels so painful to have to cut him out completely, but is this the only way? Sorry, I know this post is all over the place, but any advice is appreciated!

[rose2summer]

First of all, you need to stop looking at his facebook, pictures, old notes, etc, from him, otherwise you are hindering your healing.

 

Set-up your computer so that you cannot visit facebook, I can send you a how to do it if you want me to, send me a PM.

 

It's best to let go of any hopes of friendship or reconciliation right now because he seems to be avoiding you like the plague.

 

Try to set up your own interests, hobbies, that don't involve him being remotely close and alleviate thoughts of him as best as you can.

 

DN suggested this before ~ put a rubber band on your wrist and when you find yourself wanting to contact him or search info on him, snap the band, as reinforcement to not contact or seek him.

 

Hugs, Rose

[laboheme]

Who broke up with whom here? What I gathered from your post is that both of you are hurting quite a bit, so I can't quite tell who the dumper is. So, two possible situations:

 

If HE was the dumper, do exactly what rose2summer said, she knows what she's talking about Implementing the No Contact rule will help you get over him in time.

 

If YOU were the dumper...well, tell us if you were, and I'll check back and post my opinions on that subject (you probably don't want to hear those if you were the dumpee).

 

Hang in there!

[kekep]

We had a blowout two Fridays ago when we were both out and drunk. The next day, I apologized for the fight, but he said he just didn't know if we could make it work anymore and that he was very hurt by everything I said to him. He said it seemed like we were having the same arguments over and over and nothing was changing. I told him I would come over to his place to talk about it (which he agreed to), but after I got off the phone, I realized I was sick of trying to make things work and I called him back and told him we should cut ties. He told me he loved me and I said the same, and I hung up. So I am the one who said the words, but I am certain he was feeling that was for the best as well.