how to ask if u are in his future?

[rucnateb]

Hi there, I need to ask my boyfriend this question...reason,we have been going out for a while now and I dont know what to think regarding this with him...and I am finding my self getting attached emotionally to him more with each passing day...besides that I am not getting any younger and dont want to *waste my time* i he doesnt see me in his future.how do I ask this question without freakin him out or something?this has been bothering me since about a week now.any advise would be greatly appreciated...

 

ruc

[Juliana]

I think this is a reasonable thing to ask someone; you're protecting yourself. However, don't put it on him; don't say something like "when are you going to ask me to marry you," or even the less demanding but really the same question, "am I in your future?"

 

No. You need to be clear about your goals with him, so that he can then decide whether or not he wants to be a part of that. Say something like, "I want to make sure I don't let too much time slip by, because I want to eventually be married and have kids. If relationships don't look like they're firming up within about a year or two, I have to leave." And then do not look for or ask for any kind of reply, because this is not about pressure, this is about letting him know who you are and what your priorities are.

 

It's a deadline, yes, and some guys resent deadlines; but it's not a deadline on him; he doesn't have to marry you. It's a deadline on you, really, the same deadline all women have if they want children. It's just a reality.

 

We've all heard the horror stories of women who date the same guy for 15 years, and then he dumps her when she hits 45 and marries a 22 year old. Relationships come and go, but birthdays are like clockwork; respect your dreams, and yourself. Don't threaten him, just tell him: "This is who I am. This is what I want. Start getting your head around it so you'll know what you want to do."

[kelkel]

I agree somewhat with Juliana, but really i like the straight approach

Just get out with it, if you want a future with this guy and asking him "am i in your future?" freaks him out then maybe thats your answer !!

PLus if u wanna spend the rest of ur life with someone you should be able to ask them anything and feel okay and comfortable about it

i hope it goes well with you !

[Batya33]

I've never had a serious relationship where I had to bring up the subject or where we dated more than 2 months or so without him bringing up the subject. I think you ask him in general what his goals are as far as marriage and family. That should inspire him to discuss his goals for your particular relationship. If it doesn't, you can then proceed to say - I brought this up because I need to know if we're on the same page.

[annie24]

Hi there, I need to ask my boyfriend this question...reason,we have been going out for a while now and I dont know what to think regarding this with him...and I am finding my self getting attached emotionally to him more with each passing day...besides that I am not getting any younger and dont want to *waste my time* i he doesnt see me in his future.how do I ask this question without freakin him out or something?this has been bothering me since about a week now.any advise would be greatly appreciated...

 

ruc

 

how long have you been dating him? are you two officially bf and girlfriend? are you officially exclusive?

 

i do like the direct approach - if you have been dating for a while, just ask where he sees things going. if he says he isn't looking for anything serious, run out the door. just see what he has to say.